An April Fools Joke

Well, maybe it wasn’t April Fool’s day, but it was a good joke.

All the April Fools stuff going around the Internet today got me thinking about some of the jokes I’ve played on people in the past. This one came to mind and I thought I’d share it.

Municipal Building (from Wikipedia)Back in the mid 1980s, I worked for the New York City Comptroller’s Office, Bureau of Financial Audit. I was a Field Audit Supervisor, with a cubicle on the 22nd floor of the Municipal Building.

In my cubicle, I had a small basket filled with hard candies. I didn’t eat them very often and didn’t recall seeing any of my cubicle visitors eat them very often. Yet the supply of candies was steadily declining. I realized that someone was pinching candies when I wasn’t around.

That made the culprit eligible to be a victim.

CandiesI went to a gag shop in Queens, NY, where I lived at the time. I bought a small package containing four garlic-filled hard candies. They were individually wrapped with shiny gold paper and cellophane — very easy to distinguish from my other candies. I brought them to the office and dropped them in the bowl.

Time went by. Every morning, I’d peek into the bowl and count the gold-wrapped candies. Four. Four. Four. More time passed. Four. Four. Three.

The day I arrived and found only three candies in the basket, I knew the trap had been sprung.

I never did find out who was pinching the candies…but they did stop disappearing.

A Hectic Month

And I thought February was bad.

March was likely the most hectic month I’ve had since I began freelancing back in 1990. It combined flying, travel, customer service, and the completion of a book in such a way that I was constantly busy and constantly thinking about what would come next. The month’s almost over now and I can look back at the craziness that was March 2011.

Two Businesses, Two Sets of Balls to Juggle

Those of you who know me or have been reading this blog for a while know that I wear two hats:

  • Freelance writer. I’ve been a freelance writer since leaving my corporate job back in 1990. I write mostly books, but I also write some articles. My area of “expertise” is software how-to for Mac OS, Microsoft Office, Twitter, WordPress, FileMaker Pro, etc. I’m a Mac person but I also “do Windows” when necessary.
  • Helicopter pilot. I’ve owned and operated Flying M Air, a helicopter charter company since 2001, although the business “got serious” in 2005 with the acquisition of a larger helicopter and an FAA Part 135 certificate. I fly tours, day trips, charters, multi-day excursions, aerial photography, and survey flights in the Southwest U.S. during the winter months and escape the heat to the Northwest U.S. for agricultural work in the summer.

Juggling these two jobs has never been difficult. Writing gives me a huge amount of flexibility as far as time is concerned. I can usually put a writing project aside for a few hours or a day or even a few days to handle the demands of my flying business. After all, there never was much flying business — until recently.

And that brings us to March 2011.

Starting Off with a Bang

Hoover Dam and BridgeThe month started off with a bang. One, two, three: three days, three charters. I took a couple on a Moonlight Dinner Tour on Tuesday, took three people to the Las Vegas area and back on Wednesday, and took another couple to Sedona for a few hours on Thursday. That’s 8.9 hours of flight time in three days.

(Okay, so I know that I used to fly a lot more when I was a tour pilot at the Grand Canyon. But this is different. These flights are for my company, not some humongous tour operator serving busloads — no exaggeration there — of people daily.)

Wildlife Surveys

Escape RouteI changed gears the following week and spent a good portion of the next two weeks conducting wildlife surveys for a client in various locations throughout Arizona and New Mexico. Not only did this require me to do about 40 hours of seriously intense flying in a relatively short period of time, but I also spent four nights away from home.

In the middle of all that, I had to arrange for some minor maintenance for the helicopter — I was quickly approaching my 50-hour required oil change. I’m still amazed that I managed to pull that together as quickly as I did. Many thanks to my now-retired local mechanic, Ed, for taking care of it for me.

The Excursion

Also on my calendar for the month — booked months ago — was a custom 8-day version of Flying M Air’s Southwest Circle Helicopter Adventure. I don’t do these trips very often — they’re costly and not everyone understands the value of what the package price includes — but it’s become almost routine, with me using the same hotels and tour operators and flying the same routes each time.

Icy-covered HelicopterThe emphasis this time around was on “adventure” in that the weather really messed with us. Not only did we get snowed in at the Grand Canyon, but high winds made flying conditions less than ideal. It was extremely stressful for me; these folks had paid a lot of money for a trip and it was my job to make sure they were happy. Worse yet, to make up for scenery missed when I had to reposition the helicopter without my passengers on board, I had to fiddle around with the routes a bit to make sure we overflew certain terrain. And then there were doors-off photo flights as part of the trip; that wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t so darn cold.

In the end, I wound up flying more than 10 hours, driving more than six hours, and spending seven nights in various hotels all over northern Arizona. All while stressed out. Exhausting.

First LightI did, however, get a chance to fly down to Marble Canyon at dawn for breakfast with a friend. Shot some nice video along the way. I’m working on another video with the 10+ hours of “nosecam” footage I shot that week.

And the Total Is…

In case you’re wondering, I flew a total of 76 hours in March. To give you an idea of just how much that is for me and my business, for the past six years, I’ve flown only about 200 hours per year.

So in one month, I flew more than 1/3 of the hours I fly in an entire year.

But Wait, There’s More!

That’s just the flying side of things. I was also chest deep in a new book for a publisher I haven’t worked with before.

I don’t want to go into details about the book. I’ll just say that the experience was not ideal for me — and likely not for the publisher, either. The trouble is, the book seemed to drag on and on. Normally, I can knock off a new book in a month or so with constant pressure and support from my editor. This book…well, we’ll just say that no one seemed to be too interested in me finishing it up.

Until March.

That’s when someone pulled the project off the back burner and turned up the heat. I had to finish writing a chapter or two, then start reviewing edits and proofs. And revising screenshots — let’s not go there, okay?

Trouble is, I needed to do this kind of work in my office and I was away from my office for about half the month. So the days I was in my office, I was working my butt off on this book.

Yesterday, I reviewed the last of the first-round proofs. The book looks remarkably good and I’m more proud of it than I should be. But they tell me there’s a second round of proofs to come. How can I politely tell them that I’m sick of looking at it? Answer: I can’t.

The Months Ahead

So far, my April calendar looks refreshingly open. I have another short wildlife survey, two moonlight dinner tours, and a multi-day photo flight with a regular client. I have two book projects to start — one brand new, one a revision. And that’s it.

In May, I have another wildlife survey flight that’ll likely go two or three days and then a week at Lynda.com to record a course revision. And then, at month end, I move up to the Pacific Northwest for the summer.

I’m Tired…And Glad It’s Behind Me

The month of March left me exhausted and I’m glad its over. I wish I’d been busy like this 5 or 10 years ago. Now that I’m getting older, I’m really feeling the impact of hard work and long hours flying or in front of a computer. It’s great for my businesses, but difficult for me.

Anyway, this should give you an idea of why my blog posts have been in short supply. I’ll try to start writing more regularly again soon.

Social Networking Stupidity, Part I

Is your social networking activity making you look like a jerk?

I just had to blog this. It’s such a great example of someone really screwing up with social networking.

A local area magazine (I’d rather not mention its name since I don’t want readers to trace the idiot who is the subject of this post) did its annual article on the 50 best places to eat in the state. Just today, it posted on its Facebook page:

Since our April issue was published, we’ve received numerous emails from readers who have informed us that two of the restaurants we included in our “Best Restaurants” feature have closed: [redacted 1] and [redacted 2]. Both restaurants were open at press time, and we regret that our very long lead time might lead to some disappointed readers.

One of the page’s followers commented:

Sounds like you need a new contributing writer~I’m available!:)

After a few other comments from readers, the editor replied:

Doesn’t have anything to do with the writer, [redacted]. She’s one of the best in the business. It’s because of our long lead times.

I can understand that. The magazine is, after all, a print publication. It’s not as if you can create the content and distribute it a week later.

But the commenter didn’t stop there. She fired off two more comments in quick succession:

I would beg to differ! A good writer would have given the editor the heads up. It’s not just about coverage, it’s about follow up too. I know she can write, but is she paying attention?????

and

btw–EVERYONE who lives in [redacted 2 town] knows how long [redacted 2] has been closed, not buying the excuses.

Whoa. I couldn’t let that one go. I have a lot of respect for the publication and the difficulty of remaining up-to-date in print. So I replied:

Give it a rest, [redacted]. [redacted magazine] does have VERY long lead times. Stuff happens. Also, its not likely you’ll get hired on as a writer with an attitude like that. Cut them some slack!

Within an hour 8 people had “liked” my comment, so I know I wasn’t far off-base. Another commenter suggested she try Xanax.

The point of all this is, this woman posted a slightly critical comment that was basically asking for a job. When the editor defended his publication against the criticism, she fired away with more critical remarks. (And don’t even get me started on the idea of a “writer” using five question marks at the end of a sentence.) Is this the way she does her job hunting? Her comments make her look like a real jerk. Who would hire her?

This was today’s example; I’ll likely follow this up with more examples as I stumble across them on the ‘Net.