Why I’m Avoiding Facebook…Again

It’s mostly disappointment and frustration.

I rant about Facebook a lot. I used to confine my rants to this blog and to Twitter. But recently, I’ve begun ranting on Facebook.

Well, in this particular instance, I didn’t really consider it a “rant.” I mean, I know how to rant and a two or three sentence comment on Facebook falls far short of what I’m capable of. However, it was labeled a “rant” by someone whose opinion I usually trust and respect, so I’ll let it wear that label.

The Backstory

What was it about? Well, it was related to my big rant here, “Stop Asking Me to Echo Canned Sentiments in My Facebook Status,” in which I criticize the popular practice of “sharing,” via copy and paste, something written by someone else and asking your Facebook friends to post it as their status. There are people on Facebook who lean heavily on this practice to fill their own statuses with content. Indeed, some people’s status streams consist primarily of this kind of content. I can only assume it’s because they can’t think of anything original worth posting.

It wouldn’t be so bad if these things were interesting or enlightening in some way. But they usually aren’t. They’re usually gushy sentiments about moms or cancer recoveries or happiness or kids. Like a never-ending stream of Hallmark greetings that don’t even rhyme.

I solved the problem of being bombarded by these things by simply turning off the status updates for the people who did it 90% of the time. That really improved Facebook for me.

Lennon Life Quote

This is an example of what I mean. Yes, it’s a thoughtful quote by John Lennon. My problems with it: (1) seeing it about 10 times from 10 different people over the course of a week and (2) the absolute lack of discussion of what Lennon may have meant by this and what we could learn from it. No commentary; just a bunch of “likes.” (Note the typo in this version.)

But then came the offshoot: a pithy slogan or saying rendered as text on an image, sometimes with a graphic element or photo. People would put these “pictures” on their wall. Although friends weren’t usually asked to share them, apparently lots of people thought they were worth sharing and did so. So the same handful of images kept appearing in Facebook updates posted by my “friends,” over and over.

What I find odd about this is that this practice was picked up by people who hadn’t participated as much in the copy-and-paste status craze. This was being done by a few people who normally share things far more interesting. I couldn’t understand why they had slipped to this level. Since occasionally they’d still post something of interest to me, I couldn’t simply turn off their updates.

So I posted my own update, asking people to stop this practice. Although I got an “Amen!” or two from folks who obviously felt the same way as I did, I was also accused of ranting.

Oh, well.

What Social Networking Means to Me

I think the root of the problem is the way I look at social networking.

I have a primarily solo existence. I work from a home-based office and, other than my dog and parrot, am alone all day. I now live in three different places throughout the year, so I don’t have many solid personal relationships with friends. Sure, there are folks I could call to go out to lunch or dinner or join me for a helicopter ride. But my relationships with these people aren’t so strong that I see them daily or would call one to cry on his or her shoulder.

This might sound like a lonely existence, but it’s not. I’m the kind of person who keeps busy all the time. I’m juggling two careers and often have work to do for either one. And if I’m not working or doing what needs to be done to line up the next job(s), I’m blogging or reading or editing video or exploring my surroundings with my Jeep or helicopter and camera. Or doing countless other things to fill my time and my mind.

The point is this: People who work in offices or with other people get social networking at the workplace. I don’t. People who live in one place and have a network of friends and family members nearby get social networking during their off-work hours. I don’t. Although I can’t classify myself as “lonely,” I also can’t deny that I miss social interaction with other people.

Social networking by computer fills this gap. It enables me to get a dose of personal interaction with other people whenever I need one. Twitter is my office water cooler — and it has been for the past 4-1/2 years.

Twitter vs. Facebook

I was drawn to Twitter right from the start. Facebook….well, not so much.

On Twitter, I follow people from all over the world. The vast majority of them are complete strangers — people who I have never met and likely never will. (I have, however, over the past 4-1/2 years, met quite a few of them.) And I only follow about 130 people because that’s the maximum number of tweeters I can keep up with.

On Twitter, I can be picky and choosy about following people. As a result, I follow people who I feel are interesting. They either tweet interesting or funny or enlightening things or they share links and photos that are interesting or funny or enlightening. I can also keep the signal to noise ratio very high by simply following or unfollowing people.

I learn about current events from what scrolls by in my Twitter timeline when I sit at my desk: the ditching of a plane in the Hudson River, Michael Jackson’s death, the east coast earthquake — the list goes on and on. It’s almost like having a news radio station turned on low in the background while I work. Getting more information about a news story I read is as easy as clicking a link in a tweet or doing a quick Google search.

I interact with the people I follow on Twitter. I do this by replying to them. Often we get conversations going. Sometimes other people join in. It’s a nice break from my work day.

I know a lot about some of the people I follow on Twitter. When I see content on the Web I think would interest them, I tweet it, sometimes with an @mention so I’m sure they’ll see it. Some of them do the same for me. I get links to tons of interesting content via my Twitter friends. It really helps expand my horizons and give me new things to think about.

[It’s interesting to note here that my attention span is longer than two to four sentences. So although so many people on Facebook echo the short, pithy sentiments of others, many of the people I follow on Twitter link to full-blown articles that have been researched and carefully crafted by writers who know how to make a point. It’s substance, not fluff.]

Although there is a tiny handful of people I follow on Twitter that don’t always tweet interesting content, 140 characters seems a lot easier to ignore than longer, in-your-face passages of text or images.

Facebook, however, is different. Until recently, the only way you could “follow” someone on Facebook was if that person agreed to be your “friend.” The relationship was always two-way. (On my account, it still is; I currently don’t allow “subscribers,” although I’ll likely change that soon.) So if a person asks to be your friend and you say no, that person gets insulted. This is particularly awkward if the person who wants to be your friend is a real friend or family member that you prefer to keep at a distance. (This happened to me with my stepsister’s teenage son, who I have not seen since he was an infant and have no desire to be Facebook “friends” with.)

Of course, Facebook recently added all kinds of privacy controls so you can group your friends in a variety of ways and pick and choose which groups see which content you post. This adds a level of complexity that I simply don’t want to deal with. I don’t want to “manage” my friends.

And it’s pretty obvious that the people I’m friends with on Facebook don’t give a damn who sees what they post. One young family member who will soon be entering the job market is posting unflattering photos of herself at parties, along with the kind of inane commentary that may get her resume shuffled to the bottom of any pile it ends up in. And, of course, there’s that constant stream of second- or third-hand quotes and images that apparently everyone has to see.

And that brings up the excellent flowchart shown below. One of my friends posted it on Facebook and its one of the few Facebook images I felt good about sharing. Funny, yet informative and oh-so-true. The one thing my Facebook friend didn’t share was the source; here it is. (Tip: Linking to the source is an excellent way to reward content creators for sharing good, original content. Just saying.)

Where Should You Post Your Status?

Are Facebook Users Addicted to Likes?

Note the two bottom-right icons in this flowchart: Facebook and Twitter. What’s the difference between them? Whether you’re “addicted to likes.”

You see, on Twitter, there is no “like” button. If people like what you’ve tweeted, they can respond in one of two ways:

  • Retweet it. Depending on how they retweet it (via Retweet button or use of the old RT notation), you may never know your content has been been retweeted.
  • Reply to it. If you’re paying attention and actually reading incoming tweets, you can enjoy the pleasure of entering into a conversation with a fellow Twitter user — who might not even be someone you follow. (This, by the way, is how I find people to follow in Twitter; they interact with me.)

I suspect Facebook users are addicted to the Like button. They seem to click it an awful lot. And so much of what they post is what I call “Like bait” — content found elsewhere that other people liked.

So instead of sharing fresh new content and ideas with their friends, too many Facebook users take the lazy way out by simply posting short content created by others.

(Many Twitter users do this, too, of course. I just don’t see it as much because I simply don’t follow the people who do.)

Enter Google+

You may scoff at Google+ — as the above flowchart also does — but when it first started, it definitely had something interesting going for it: people were using it to communicate thought-provoking ideas. Indeed, it was almost blog-like at times, with relatively lengthy posts that had real substance and originality.

As you can imagine, I was really drawn to that.

Unfortunately, when Google+ went public, it attracted some of the same folks who are already on Twitter and Facebook. And guess what? Those folks are posting the same stuff they put on Twitter and Facebook. So the signal to noise ratio has considerably dropped over the past few months.

The good thing about Google+ is that there’s no “friend/friend” relationship. It works more like Twitter, so I don’t have to worry about insulting people. I “circle” the people I find interesting and drop the others. Or use filtering (now also available on Facebook) to narrow down whose posts appear in my stream. (And yes, I realize this is a form of friend management and no, I’m not happy about it; I’ll likely just drop the people I don’t find interesting and skip the filtering.)

Will Google+ replace Facebook in my social networking source list? Too soon to tell, but probably not.

You see, I’m not convinced I need either one of them.

Sucking Time with Little or No Benefit

The reality is, Facebook (and Google+ and LinkedIn and whatever else is out there) is a frustrating time suck. (Twitter is, too, but not nearly as much — at least not the way I use it.)

To me, Facebook is more frustrating than rewarding. I’m learning things about friends that I never wanted to know. I’m discovering that some of the people I thought were intelligent and thoughtful are really kind of dumb and shallow. I’m discovering that some of the people I respected don’t act as if they respect themselves.

I’m frustrated because in Facebook, I see a microcosm of America as a whole: a mostly politically apathetic people who value celebrities, fashion, and luxury goods over meaningful personal relationships and intellectual development, an attitude of caring for their fellow man, and an understanding that there’s only one shot at life and they need to make the most of it.

The time suck problem goes almost without saying. If you participate in social networks, have you ever tracked how much time you spend on them? According to this New York Times post:

Social media account for 22.5 percent of the time that Americans spend online, according to the report, compared with 9.8 percent for online games and 7.6 percent for e-mail.

And this Mashable piece breaks it down for Facebook:

The average U.S. user spent a whopping seven hours and 46 minutes on Facebook in August [2011]. That’s a full 15.5 minutes the average American spends on Facebook every single day.

Nearly eight hours in a month? That’s nearly four full days a year. Do you really want to spend that much time looking at content that really isn’t going to make a difference in your life?

I don’t.

So I’m off Facebook again, at least for a while.

Sure, my blog posts — including this one — will automatically be listed as a Facebook status; that’s done automatically by some Web-based app I set up years ago. And I will stop by to check on Flying M Air and Beaumont Cellars. And you might even read updates about my new books and appearances there as they are released. And I’ll try to come by weekly to follow up on any comments posted to my updates. But I probably won’t hang around long enough to click any Like buttons or challenge the meaning of John Lennon’s wise words. I’ll avoid a lot of frustration by staying away.

And my friends won’t be bothered by my “rants.”

Stop Asking Me to Echo Canned Sentiments in My Facebook Status

I am not a parrot. Stop asking me to act like one.

It’s completely out of control. Every day, at least one of my Facebook “friends” posts something like this:

If you’re not scared, put this as your status and see what people rate you!!!
(1) Crazy (2) I’d marry you (3) I want to date you. (4) Sarcastic (5) I miss you (6) I’d kiss you (7) Beautiful (8) Smart (9) Imaginative. (10) Random (11) Smart mouth (12) Funny. (13) Fit. (14) Amazing. (15) Tough. (16) Cute. (17) I’d hit you with a bus. (18) I love you. (19) Weirdo (20) Friends forever

or this:

At 3 years”Mommy I love you.” At 10 years “mom whatever.”At 16 year “My mom is so annoying.” At 18 years “I am leaving this house.” At 25 years “Mom you were right.” At 30 years “I want to go to Mom’s house.” At 50 years “I don’t want to lose my Mom.” At 70 years I would give up everthing to have my Mom back.” you only have one Mom. Post this on your wall if you appreciate and love your Mom.

or this:

MAY I ASK MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS, WHEREVER YOU MAY BE , TO KINDLY, COPY, PASTE & SHARE THIS STATUS FOR 1 H0UR TO SUPPORT ALL THOSE WHO HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS, WHO ARE STRUGGLING , AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARES. Do it for all of us , unfortunately no one is immune………AND MAY I ADD…….GOD BLESS ALL THE CAREGIVERS!!!!! THEY ARE THE TRUE HEROS……………♥ ♥

or this:

We are asking everyone to say a prayer for the US “Navy Seals” team and their families. Their helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan and 30 team members lost their lives. IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE IT ON EVERYONE’S PAGE…Even if its only for an hour. Come on guys! Show your support! I am HONORED to re-post this! Thank you to ALL of “OUR” Service Men and Women

or this:

30 lost, 30 unwanted visits, 30 doors receive that dreaded knock, 30 families with shattered hearts, 30 pairs of boots lined up with rifles and dog tags and helmets, 30 comrades remembered and grieved for, 30 funeral services, 30 names on newly made grave markers, 30 empty places at the table, 30 souls who gave all, whose lives leave a void, so let’s take 30 seconds to repost this and pause to reflect on such a sacrifice as 30 gone forever…GOD BLESS ALL THEM ALL!! ♥♥

or this:

I have a personal favor….. Only some of you will do it, and I know who you are. If you know someone who fought cancer and won, or fought cancer and died, or someone who is still fighting please add this to your status for 1 hour as a mark of respect and in remembrance. I hope I was right about the people who will! I will do this for my family and friends…!

or this:

There are moments in life when you wish you could bring someone down from Heaven…and spend the day with them just one more time, give them one more hug, kiss them goodbye or hear their voice again. One more chance to say I Love you. Copy and paste in remembrance of our loved ones who are not here..gone but not forgotten!:} IN LOVING MEMORY OF DESIDERIO LOPEZ AND DANIELLE BRITTANY LOPEZ….YOU BOTH TOUCHED SO MANY HEARTS AND WILL FOREVER BE MISSED BUT NOT FORGOTTEN…. ♥ ♥

or this:

COUSINS are the first friends most people ever have when they are children. No one will ever understand your crazy family like your cousin. Even if you haven’t talked much lately. Re-Post if you have some of the BEST Cousins in the world! I love my cousins….my cousins are the best. ♥ ♥

Don’t get me wrong: I have feelings for these causes. (Well, maybe not cousins because mine aren’t anything to brag about.) I just don’t think a social networking service is the place to air someone else’s feelings about them.

I find the canned commentary about the recent helicopter crash in Afghanistan most offensive of all. War is tragic, bringing news of death daily. I can’t begin to understand what the friends and family of soldiers killed or injured overseas must feel. These young people have given their lives for their country and back home, life goes on. It’s horrible to think that the best we can do is copy and paste the same bunch of poorly written “tributes” on Facebook. Especially when we only seem interested in doing it after an unusually tragic event, ignoring the people who are killed or maimed every damn day the war goes on.

This reeks of slacktivism:

Slacktivism (sometimes slactivism) is a portmanteau formed out of the words slacker and activism. The word is usually considered a pejorative term that describes “feel-good” measures, in support of an issue or social cause, that have little or no practical effect other than to make the person doing it feel satisfaction. The acts tend to require minimal personal effort from the slacktivist.

When I challenged this parroting on Facebook with the comment “Either I’m friends with a bunch of losers who can’t seem to come up with anything original or this is completely out of control,” one of the worst offenders responded:

Losers..I think not!!!!! I have friends with loved ones that are now serving in our military……….When something bad happens, it effects us all…..No one wants that knock on the door!!!! We are showing support….NOT JUST POSTING FOR THE HELL OF IT!!!!! AND….I and many others have had family members that have either died or survived cancer………..I WILL NOT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I AM OR ANYONE ELSE I KNOW ARE LOSERS!!!!!

(Perhaps all that is true, but there’s definitely something wrong with her Caps Lock key.)

I’ll argue this: There are far better ways to show support than to echo poorly written sentiments composed by others. If I’d lost someone in that helicopter crash and had to see this crap posted and reposted on Facebook all day long, I’d be shattered. Aren’t these people worth a little more effort? Can’t you put your sentiments in your own words?

Why are so many people like sheep?

So I came up with a New Rule: You ask me to put something canned in my Facebook status for “even just an hour” and I remove you from my news feed.

That should lower the noise to signal ratio a bit.

Dear Facebook, I Don’t Need YOU to Communicate with My Husband

Facebook is not that big a part of my life.

I use Facebook. It’s not because I really want to. It’s because one of my publishers wants me to be there. So I am.

So is my husband. It’s not because he wants to be. It’s because his friends talked him into it. He doesn’t know the first thing about Facebook and doesn’t care. I don’t think he’s ever posted a thing.

Big EventsYet today, in the sidebar of my page, I found this note from Facebook, reminding me of our upcoming anniversary and giving me a link I could use to send him a message.

Well, Facebook, let me explain something to you. Normal people with normal relationships don’t need you to help them communicate. If I wanted to “send a message” to my husband, I could pick up the phone and call him. Or, if we were together — which isn’t too often this summer — I could simply talk to him, face to face.

I find the idea of using Facebook as tool to communicate with my husband not only idiotic but repulsive.

Is there any part of a person’s life that Facebook doesn’t want to interfere in?

Social Networking Stupidity, Part I

Is your social networking activity making you look like a jerk?

I just had to blog this. It’s such a great example of someone really screwing up with social networking.

A local area magazine (I’d rather not mention its name since I don’t want readers to trace the idiot who is the subject of this post) did its annual article on the 50 best places to eat in the state. Just today, it posted on its Facebook page:

Since our April issue was published, we’ve received numerous emails from readers who have informed us that two of the restaurants we included in our “Best Restaurants” feature have closed: [redacted 1] and [redacted 2]. Both restaurants were open at press time, and we regret that our very long lead time might lead to some disappointed readers.

One of the page’s followers commented:

Sounds like you need a new contributing writer~I’m available!:)

After a few other comments from readers, the editor replied:

Doesn’t have anything to do with the writer, [redacted]. She’s one of the best in the business. It’s because of our long lead times.

I can understand that. The magazine is, after all, a print publication. It’s not as if you can create the content and distribute it a week later.

But the commenter didn’t stop there. She fired off two more comments in quick succession:

I would beg to differ! A good writer would have given the editor the heads up. It’s not just about coverage, it’s about follow up too. I know she can write, but is she paying attention?????

and

btw–EVERYONE who lives in [redacted 2 town] knows how long [redacted 2] has been closed, not buying the excuses.

Whoa. I couldn’t let that one go. I have a lot of respect for the publication and the difficulty of remaining up-to-date in print. So I replied:

Give it a rest, [redacted]. [redacted magazine] does have VERY long lead times. Stuff happens. Also, its not likely you’ll get hired on as a writer with an attitude like that. Cut them some slack!

Within an hour 8 people had “liked” my comment, so I know I wasn’t far off-base. Another commenter suggested she try Xanax.

The point of all this is, this woman posted a slightly critical comment that was basically asking for a job. When the editor defended his publication against the criticism, she fired away with more critical remarks. (And don’t even get me started on the idea of a “writer” using five question marks at the end of a sentence.) Is this the way she does her job hunting? Her comments make her look like a real jerk. Who would hire her?

This was today’s example; I’ll likely follow this up with more examples as I stumble across them on the ‘Net.

You Want Permission to Do WHAT?

When sharing information from Facebook gets out of control.

I’m trying to streamline my photo sharing process. I’d like to be able to upload a photo to Zenfolio, which is where my photo gallery resides, and then, with a few clicks, put it on Facebook and Twitter. It seems to me that since Flickr can upload to Facebook and Twitter, those few clicks might be to put photos on Flickr and have Flickr do the heavy lifting. With that end in mind, I made the first step to connect Flickr to Facebook. Here’s the dialog that appeared after logging in:

Yahoo Permissions for Facebook

I’m displaying this image in almost full size on purpose — so you can read it. That’s what I did — and I’m pretty sure that most people don’t. Read it and you’ll learn that Yahoo! not only wants permission to post Flickr photos to my Facebook account, but it basically wants access to every single piece of information I have on Facebook, as well as information from my friends’ accounts.

Why does it need this information? Answer: It doesn’t.

What will it do with this information? Answer: Who knows? Set up direct marketing to me and my friends? Sell it? Put information about what I like or don’t like anywhere it wants on to Yahoo!? Extract information to store on its servers where I can’t see, modify, or delete it?

Who in their right mind would agree to this?

Likely, some of my Facebook friends. So now I need to go back into my Facebook account and lock down information sharing even more — just so click-happy friends don’t give MY information to Yahoo! Or other companies wanting access to everything.

Facebook should NOT allow this kind of access. There’s no reason for it. They are betraying their user’s trust.

Now I can’t take advantage of Flickr/Facebook linking because I know how to read and don’t want to share my information with another huge conglomerate. Who benefits? No one.