Passenger Weights: Do the Math

Don’t give in to client pressure.

Mr Bleu in Wenatchee Heights
Here’s Mr Bleu parked on hillside in Wenatchee Heights.

Yesterday, I got a call from a potential client for my charter services. He’d seen my Two Winery Tour on the Flying M Air website. The tour starts in Wenatchee and goes to two wineries for wine tasting: Tsillan Cellars in Chelan and Cave B Winery in Quincy (or George?). The flight costs $995 for up to three passengers and includes up to 90 minutes of flight time, as well as pilot wait time.

I’ll admit it here: I’ve never actually done this tour. I’ve taken people to both wineries, but never the same people on the same day. I think it’s just too expensive for most folks. So when this guy — I’ll call him Hal — wanted to do the tour, I was very interested in making it happen.

There was some back and forth about where I’d pick him up. At first, he wanted me to come get him at a friend’s place in Leavenworth. Of course, I had no way of knowing whether the landing zone would be suitable without actually going up there — 40 road miles each way from my home — to check it out. And then there was the fact that it would add to my flight time and I’d have to charge him extra for that. We finally agreed that I’d pick him up at the airport in Cashmere, which was only about 5 minutes out of my way. I’d make up the flight time in the air.

My final step was getting the passenger names and weights for my flight manifest and weight and balance calculation. For some reason, I’d assumed that it was just him and wife or girlfriend. I was wrong. It was going to be three guys: Hal at 225 pounds, Mike at 180 pounds, and Nick at 215 pounds. Of course, he was guessing at Mike and Nick’s weights.

“Wait a second,” I said as I jotted down the numbers. “I think we have a weight issue.”

“Yes,” he replied. “I saw on your website that the maximum passenger weight was 600 pounds.”

I added up the numbers he’d given me and arrived at a total of 620. I was trying to understand how he thought 620 might be lower than 600. And that didn’t even include the fact that he was probably lying about his own weight — everyone does — and had guessed incorrectly about his friends’ weights. I was willing to bet the total weight was at least 40 pounds higher.

“I can’t do it,” I said. “We’d be over max gross weight with the fuel I’d have to carry for the flight.”

He suggested just going to one winery. I could take less fuel.

I didn’t need to do the math or consult my pilot operating manual’s performance charts to know that it wouldn’t be much better. I was thinking about the two landing zones (LZs), both of which are in semi-confined spaces. I didn’t think I’d have a problem landing, but I knew I’d have a problem taking off, especially if I had a tailwind. Both LZs were surrounded by low but considerable obstacles — fences and/or rows of grape vines — that I’d have to clear on my takeoff run. Beyond those obstacles in certain directions were tall trees, making them impractical for departure routes.

As I always did when I considered the situation — flying heavy on a summer day from an off-airport LZ — I thought about the 2007 crash of a Robinson R44 Raven II in Easton, WA. In that crash, the pilot had attempted a takeoff on a hot day with three full-sized passengers on board. I can almost hear the low rotor RPM horn screaming in my ear when I read the description of the helicopter wobbling in flight as it struggled to gain or altitude over rough terrain. She just didn’t have enough power or skill or friendly wind to help her get airborne. I hope it was the crash that killed them and not the fire. I didn’t want to be in an accident report like that one.

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So I said no, I couldn’t do the flight.

Hal seemed surprised. He told me he’d talk to his companions to see if he got their weights wrong. I knew he got them wrong, but I also knew that he’d understated them. I knew the only way he’d call back is if one of them decided not to go. But he didn’t call back. And I admit that I’m kind of glad.

A hungry operator who is willing to bend rules and ignore aircraft limitations might have accepted the flight. But I’ll never be hungry enough to risk my life to make a client happy.

No responsible, safety-conscious pilot ever should.

Another Ridiculous Charter Request

Honestly, given the situation, what else would you call it?

N630ML
Here’s the late great Zero-Mike-Lima parked out in the Arizona desert in March 2007.

I moved my business from Phoenix and Wickenburg, Arizona to Washington state back in 2013. Since then, the helicopter (my old one, technically) has been back in Arizona only once: for 4 months in the winter of 2016/17 to get its overhaul. It was in pieces for most of that time. I picked it up that February, flew it locally for about a week just to revisit my old haunts and give friends rides, and then took it to California for a frost contract. From there, it went home.

(I bought my new old one in Arizona in April and flew it home the next day.)

When I moved to Washington state, I updated my company website to remove all mention of the flights I do in Arizona. Why? Because I don’t fly in Arizona anymore.

I still occasionally get calls from people wanting me to take them to the Grand Canyon or fly them around Lake Powell. They claim they found one of my brochures or saw me listed on a website for helicopter tours in the area. They didn’t bother checking the website.

Today’s email message, however, sent to me via a form on my company website, takes the cake:

I have to have surgery in Phoenix and I live in Wickenburg AZ. the doctor doesn’t want me to travel for two weeks by road back home. We have friends in PHX, but it would put a strain on our friendship, plus I have a business in my home that I need to attend to.

Would you consider flying me to Phoenix and then back to Wickenburg? And if so, how much would it cost me?

After reading it three times to see what I was missing, I composed the following response:

Sure, I’d do it. But since the helicopter and I now live in Washington State (where we’ve been since January 2013), it would cost quite a bit. It’s about a 10-hour flight just to get to Phoenix from here, an hour for your flight, and then 9 hours to get back to Washington from Wickenburg. 20 hours at $595/hour? Even if I gave you a nice discount, I couldn’t take a penny less than $10,000. You could take a nice 2 week vacation at the Biltmore in Phoenix for that.

Sorry to be such a smartass, but you contacted me via a form on my website and I’m pretty sure my website makes it clear that I no longer operate in Arizona.

Good luck finding a local ride.

No, I didn’t send it. No need to make her feel as foolish as she is. I figure she’ll either forget about me or call. But it definitely is blog-worthy.

And can someone explain to me how her doctor would approve a helicopter ride but not a car ride?

Maybe she should call LifeNet.

One Reason Independent Bookstores are Failing

A quick story about a visit to a bookstore.

Yesterday, I spent much of the afternoon in Ellensburg, WA. Although less than 30 air miles from my home, it’s a 77-mile drive that takes about 90 minutes. Needless to say, I need to have a reason to go there when I do and I want to make the most of my time while I’m there.

Yesterday’s mission was to check out a gallery where I hope to show and sell my jewelry. That part of the trip went reasonably well, despite the fact that the person I needed to see was not there. It also led to me checking out a nearby museum that might also be a good place to sell my jewelry and two shops that I didn’t think were a good match at all.

I listen to NPR (National Public Radio). Say what you will about “liberal media” but NPR’s shows are intelligent, thoughtful, and informative. The local station, which goes by the name of Northwest Public Broadcasting (NWPB), is turned on in my kitchen almost all day every day. One of its sponsors is a bookstore in Ellensburg — the town apparently has at least three — and since I’m normally a bookstore lover and want to support NPR, I thought I’d go check it out.

I first went into the wrong bookstore, which was small but neatly stocked with new books, cards, journals, and gift items of interest to readers and writers. I wound up buying a book about vegetable gardening that basically provides a calendar-based schedule for garden tasks. (I hardly ever walk out of a bookstore empty-handed.)

I was actually leaving town when I caught sight of the bookstore that actually supported NWPB. I parked and went in.

Old Books
Browsing disorganized old books might be fun if you have an unlimited amount of time and the place is air conditioned. Or maybe not even then. (And no, this photo is not from the bookstore I visited. It’s a stock image from MorgueFile.)

This was not at all what I expected. The space was larger than the other shop but it was mostly full of dusty used books. I admit to flashing back to a used bookstore I used to visit in the 1980s way down near the financial district of Manhattan. That shop was smaller, more crammed, and dustier. Walking into this shop was like walking into the disorderly garage of someone who happened to collect old books. I realized immediately that there would be nothing of interest to me there, but I figured I’d give it a browse.

The guy behind the counter looked exactly like a stereotypical gamer or computer hacker. Perhaps in his 30s, he looked as if he might live in his mother’s basement, where he spent way too much time interacting with a computer screen. He asked me if I was looking for anything in particular and I told him I was just checking the place out because I’d heard about it on NPR.

“I remember when the lady from NPR came over,” he said. “The bookstore across the street used to be a sponsor. She came over here and told us he didn’t want to support the liberal media anymore. So she asked if we’d take his spot and my dad was here and said we would.”

I hadn’t seen the bookstore he referred to. The one I’d gone to was on another block.

As I looked at the old books, I got a bit of a brainstorm. Years ago, for my birthday or Christmas or some other gift-giving occasion, my wasband had bought me two Mark Twain first editions. He’d remembered me saying that I wanted to build a library of “nice quality books,” and thought (for some reason) that meant expensive first editions. So he’d gone to a bookstore probably a lot like the one I knew in lower Manhattan, and had bought two books that may have cost him hundreds of dollars. Book that looked just as old and dusty as the ones all around me that afternoon in Ellensburg, books I was afraid to open because I might damage them.

I wanted very badly to sell them but didn’t know of any bookstores that bought and sold collectors items.

This one might. So I asked if they ever bought first editions.

The shop guy seemed to search the database in his head for an answer. “Well, it depends on the topic and whether it’s in demand and — ”

“Mark Twain,” I said, trying to cut to the chase.

“You want to buy them?” he asked, obviously not understanding what I was getting at.

“No, I want to sell them.”

He looked uncomfortable.

“I don’t have them with me,” I said.

He relaxed.

“How about if I send you more information about them and you let me know. I can send titles and dates and photos of the covers and title pages. Just give me your card and an email address.”

“Okay,” he said. And he went back to his desk. I assumed he was getting a card.

I browsed. The book sections did have labels on them, but the books within each section were not in any order at all. So, for example, when I checked out the Art section, topics bounced from photography to painting to crafts to photography to architecture to painting… You get the idea.

It was taking a long time and the shop was hot. There was no air conditioning and it was nearly 100°F outside. When I left a little while later, I realized that it was cooler outside than inside.

I wandered back to the desk. He was writing something at the bottom of a sheet of notebook paper. It was taking a long time.

“All I need is your email address,” I said.

“Well, I’m just trying to redo the website right now,” he said. “I want to set it up so I can update it and it won’t cost so much money. So I’m putting in these forums and I want to use that for company communication.”

“You don’t have an email address?”

“Well, I do but on GoDaddy, I have to go through all these screens to get to it and they keep trying to sell me stuff and it takes a really long time.”

“Can’t you just set up Outlook or Apple Mail to access your email account?”

He looked up as if I’d just told him that it was possible to use a microwave to boil water right in a coffee cup. “Maybe I could,” he said slowly. I could see the dim lightbulb over his head getting slightly brighter.

Meanwhile, although I was wearing a thin cotton dress I was sweating like a pig. I wanted out of there but I didn’t want to be rude. “Just give me your website address,” I said, holding out my hand.

He went back to writing. About a minute later, he ripped off the bottom of the page and handed it to me. There were five lines: the bookstore’s name, the bookstore’s phone number, the bookstore’s complete street address (minus zip code), an email address, and the complete URL for the bookstore. He had basically hand-written a business card.

I took it, thanked him, and headed for the door otherwise empty-handed. “I just gave out my last business card,” he said to my retreating figure.

“I’ll email you with the book information,” I told him. And I walked out into the relief of a hot breeze.

Much later — this morning, in fact, as I looked over the torn-off notebook sheet I took out of my pocket — I thought about the death of bookstores. Unless this one had a solid client base, it wasn’t long for this world. How could it be? Not only did it have to compete against Amazon, the bane of all bookstores, but it had to compete against bookstores that actually had a clue about how to draw shoppers in, display a variety of interesting products, and sell things other than dusty old books.

Will I email him about my Mark Twain books? Heck, why not? You never know. I sure hope he tries Outlook for email because there’s no way in hell I’m going to participate in one of his forums.

Postscript: In searching the web for a public domain image I could use with this blog post, I stumbled across this article on Narratively: “Dear Dusty Old Bookstore.” If you have a greater love for old bookstores than I apparently do, you owe it to yourself to read it.