The Grand Canyon

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With clouds.

Years ago, Mike’s Mom and Dad went to the Grand Canyon. They’d been in Phoenix on some kind of vacation and had taken a bus on a daytrip to the canyon. The whole time they were there, the canyon was full of clouds and they didn’t get a chance to see the view.

The Grand Canyon with CloudsA few years later, in February, I took my brother to the Canyon. We spent two nights in rooms on the rim and each morning, we went out to watch the sun rise. Each morning, the canyon was full of clouds. I don’t think my brother saw the inside of the canyon at all on that trip. But he did tell my mother that it was the coldest place on earth.

This shot was taken in February 2005 when we were there with our friends John and Lorna (hi again, Lorna!). I can’t remember if this was before or after our overnight mule trip. I do remember that it was cold and overcast and rainy. The light was really interesting and the clouds made the canyon look special. This isn’t a tourist photo. You can get those anytime you go. This is a real Canyon photo, one that shows one of the canyon’s moods.

RedBubbleThis photo is available for sale as cards, laminated prints, mounted prints, or framed prints from RedBubble.

Miscellaneous Jokes and Puns

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Funnies from a friend.

I got these from my friend and fellow helicopter pilot, Mark. Again, I don’t know who wrote these — I have a feeling they were collected from many sources — but I’d be glad to include a credit or remove them from this site if requested.

  • Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
  • A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra . . .
  • A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
  • Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
  • “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “Well, it’s Not Unusual.”
  • Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
  • An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
  • I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
  • What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  • Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam”!
  • Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
  • A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
  • A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
  • Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . . . a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • And finally, there was the person who sent 18 different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Luxury Toys?

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We’re not impressed.

Yesterday, Mike and I drove down to the new Cardinals Stadium in Glendale, AZ for the “Men’s Luxury Toy Expo and Sale.”

Mike and I are big into toys. It isn’t because we like to be conspicuous consumers. We have so few close friends in the area that there’s no one to show off to. It’s just that we like to play with toys. So it’s always nice to see what’s out there to play with.

If your idea of a “luxury toy” includes hot tubs, sand rails (modern day dune buggies), and garage storage solutions, then this show was for you. Unfortunately, those things don’t fall into what we’d consider luxury toys. We were pretty disappointed, since that’s what dominated the show.

To be fair, there were two or three Ferraris (the definitive sports car, in my opinion) and some very nice, mint condition classic cars. And I did like the idea of buying a room on a residential cruise ship to live out the rest of my life on a nonstop, around-the-world cruise. (Now that’s a house boat! I just find the $1.8 million entry fee plus $90K annual maintenance a bit tough to swallow right now.) But there were also vendors selling beef jerky, overpriced plastic shoes, and miracle mops. (In my opinion, if you have enough cash to afford a real luxury toy, you also have enough to pay a professional to keep it clean for you.)

The weirdest thing was seeing an advertisement for one of the garage storage solution places with the same exact layout and colors as my Flying M Air brochure. If that wasn’t a rip off of David’s design work, I don’t know what is. They could have at least changed the color scheme. The ad was in the show brochure and I won’t dignify it (or spread the word about the company) by reproducing it here. I’m just glad they weren’t pushing helicopter tours and charters. I’m trying to use the design for my new branding and it’s not nice to see someone else trying to do the same thing with the same design.

I’d brought along a bunch of Flying M Air brochures and old Sedona/Grand Canyon rack cards with the idea of leaving a few around on tables with other mixed literature. There weren’t any such tables, so I wound up carrying around the brochures for the whole show. That wasn’t so bad because we were only there for about an hour.

I thought the event might be a good place to advertise the business. Imagine bringing Zero-Mike-Lima onto the show floor, all sparkling and clean. That would certainly get some attention! But when I saw the kinds of people walking the floor, I realized that the dreamers outnumbered the buyers by a good margin. (The beef jerky guy was doing a good business but I didn’t see the residential cruise ship guy handing out too many cards.)

I don’t regret going, though. We got to see the inside of Cardinals stadium, which isn’t 100% finished yet. (Looks like they still have some painting to do in the bowels of the arena.) It’s a nice place — very state-of-the-art and the air conditioning works pretty darn good. The show was on the stadium’s concrete floor. The grass, which was growing nicely outside, looked ready to roll in for a game any time. The only thing I regret was not taking a few pictures. It isn’t often that you get to walk on the field (sans grass) for the newest football stadium in the country.

Would I go again? Doubtful. I’ll call later today to see what the exhibitor pricing is like. If it’s affordable, I might give it a try. Depends on how the beginning of my season goes. The show is in February; my big season here in Arizona starts in November. So I have plenty of time to think about it.

The Art of Fiction

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A Guide for Writers and Readers.

The Art of Fiction: A Guide for Writers and ReadersI’m a pretty big fan of Ayn Rand, having read The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged at least two times each. (I’m due for another round.) So when I found The Art of Fiction, a book edited by Tore Boeckmann from audiotapes of Rand’s 1958 lectures to about 20 friends and acquaintances, I grabbed it. I’m now making my way through it, page by page.

The book covers Rand’s ideas about writing and reading fiction. I’ve just finished the first two chapters, and so far, it’s mostly from the writer’s point of view. And I have to admit that it’s taught me a whole different way of thinking about writing fiction.

In Chapter 1: Writing and the Subconscious, she discusses how writers draw upon information stored in their subconscious for descriptions and mood-setting words. A writer who can write well without struggling for the words knows what he’s trying to say and has mastered his subconscious.

In Chapter 2: Literature as an Art Form, she pretty much bashes writers who break the rules and attempt to write “nonobjectively,” resulting in text that’s impossible (or nearly so) to understand. She cites Gertrude Stein and James Joyce as examples. She asserts that a writer should choose every word carefully to convey the writer’s exact meaning. She also approaches the topic of “show, don’t tell” by discussing concretes (descriptions) and abstractions (the message the author is trying to communicate).

The next chapter is on Theme, which I’ve always struggled with. It’ll be interesting to see how she tackles the topic.

When I’m finished reading, I may update this entry or compose a new one with my final verdict. It’s not a quick read — Ayn Rand never is. But I am enjoying it. And learning.

The Grand Canyon

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From the inside.

In February 2005 Mike and I made our second overnight mule trip into the Grand Canyon. We went with our friends John and Lorna from Maine (Hi, Lorna!) and spent two nights at Phantom Ranch.

Inside the Grand CanyonAlthough it’s not a difficult trip, it is a long one. Although Mike and I have horses and ride once in a while (not as often as we used to, I’m afraid), this is 4 to 5 hours in the saddle — enough to make anyone sore. But it’s worth it. Only a tiny percentage of the millions of people who visit the Grand Canyon each year actually descend into the canyon. This is one of the “easy” ways to do it. And you get a whole different view of the canyon once you get below the rim.

Phantom Ranch is nice, too. Stone cottages, Bright Angel Creek, lots of healthy hikers and campers from all over the world going through.

This photo was taken during our full day down in the Canyon. We went for a hike on a trail that climbed up from the river and made its way upriver. After the initial climb, the trail was pretty level — which is good for me because I don’t climb hills well. We saw lots of wildflowers and rock formations along the way. And a helicopter pulling equipment out from Roaring Springs on a long line.

It’s another trip I highly recommend. But book it far in advance — there’s about a 6-month waiting list. Unless you do it the way we did: go in the winter when no one wants to go.

Grand Canyon, Arizona, photo