Stop Asking Me to Echo Canned Sentiments in My Facebook Status

I am not a parrot. Stop asking me to act like one.

It’s completely out of control. Every day, at least one of my Facebook “friends” posts something like this:

If you’re not scared, put this as your status and see what people rate you!!!
(1) Crazy (2) I’d marry you (3) I want to date you. (4) Sarcastic (5) I miss you (6) I’d kiss you (7) Beautiful (8) Smart (9) Imaginative. (10) Random (11) Smart mouth (12) Funny. (13) Fit. (14) Amazing. (15) Tough. (16) Cute. (17) I’d hit you with a bus. (18) I love you. (19) Weirdo (20) Friends forever

or this:

At 3 years”Mommy I love you.” At 10 years “mom whatever.”At 16 year “My mom is so annoying.” At 18 years “I am leaving this house.” At 25 years “Mom you were right.” At 30 years “I want to go to Mom’s house.” At 50 years “I don’t want to lose my Mom.” At 70 years I would give up everthing to have my Mom back.” you only have one Mom. Post this on your wall if you appreciate and love your Mom.

or this:

MAY I ASK MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS, WHEREVER YOU MAY BE , TO KINDLY, COPY, PASTE & SHARE THIS STATUS FOR 1 H0UR TO SUPPORT ALL THOSE WHO HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS, WHO ARE STRUGGLING , AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARES. Do it for all of us , unfortunately no one is immune………AND MAY I ADD…….GOD BLESS ALL THE CAREGIVERS!!!!! THEY ARE THE TRUE HEROS……………♥ ♥

or this:

We are asking everyone to say a prayer for the US “Navy Seals” team and their families. Their helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan and 30 team members lost their lives. IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE IT ON EVERYONE’S PAGE…Even if its only for an hour. Come on guys! Show your support! I am HONORED to re-post this! Thank you to ALL of “OUR” Service Men and Women

or this:

30 lost, 30 unwanted visits, 30 doors receive that dreaded knock, 30 families with shattered hearts, 30 pairs of boots lined up with rifles and dog tags and helmets, 30 comrades remembered and grieved for, 30 funeral services, 30 names on newly made grave markers, 30 empty places at the table, 30 souls who gave all, whose lives leave a void, so let’s take 30 seconds to repost this and pause to reflect on such a sacrifice as 30 gone forever…GOD BLESS ALL THEM ALL!! ♥♥

or this:

I have a personal favor….. Only some of you will do it, and I know who you are. If you know someone who fought cancer and won, or fought cancer and died, or someone who is still fighting please add this to your status for 1 hour as a mark of respect and in remembrance. I hope I was right about the people who will! I will do this for my family and friends…!

or this:

There are moments in life when you wish you could bring someone down from Heaven…and spend the day with them just one more time, give them one more hug, kiss them goodbye or hear their voice again. One more chance to say I Love you. Copy and paste in remembrance of our loved ones who are not here..gone but not forgotten!:} IN LOVING MEMORY OF DESIDERIO LOPEZ AND DANIELLE BRITTANY LOPEZ….YOU BOTH TOUCHED SO MANY HEARTS AND WILL FOREVER BE MISSED BUT NOT FORGOTTEN…. ♥ ♥

or this:

COUSINS are the first friends most people ever have when they are children. No one will ever understand your crazy family like your cousin. Even if you haven’t talked much lately. Re-Post if you have some of the BEST Cousins in the world! I love my cousins….my cousins are the best. ♥ ♥

Don’t get me wrong: I have feelings for these causes. (Well, maybe not cousins because mine aren’t anything to brag about.) I just don’t think a social networking service is the place to air someone else’s feelings about them.

I find the canned commentary about the recent helicopter crash in Afghanistan most offensive of all. War is tragic, bringing news of death daily. I can’t begin to understand what the friends and family of soldiers killed or injured overseas must feel. These young people have given their lives for their country and back home, life goes on. It’s horrible to think that the best we can do is copy and paste the same bunch of poorly written “tributes” on Facebook. Especially when we only seem interested in doing it after an unusually tragic event, ignoring the people who are killed or maimed every damn day the war goes on.

This reeks of slacktivism:

Slacktivism (sometimes slactivism) is a portmanteau formed out of the words slacker and activism. The word is usually considered a pejorative term that describes “feel-good” measures, in support of an issue or social cause, that have little or no practical effect other than to make the person doing it feel satisfaction. The acts tend to require minimal personal effort from the slacktivist.

When I challenged this parroting on Facebook with the comment “Either I’m friends with a bunch of losers who can’t seem to come up with anything original or this is completely out of control,” one of the worst offenders responded:

Losers..I think not!!!!! I have friends with loved ones that are now serving in our military……….When something bad happens, it effects us all…..No one wants that knock on the door!!!! We are showing support….NOT JUST POSTING FOR THE HELL OF IT!!!!! AND….I and many others have had family members that have either died or survived cancer………..I WILL NOT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I AM OR ANYONE ELSE I KNOW ARE LOSERS!!!!!

(Perhaps all that is true, but there’s definitely something wrong with her Caps Lock key.)

I’ll argue this: There are far better ways to show support than to echo poorly written sentiments composed by others. If I’d lost someone in that helicopter crash and had to see this crap posted and reposted on Facebook all day long, I’d be shattered. Aren’t these people worth a little more effort? Can’t you put your sentiments in your own words?

Why are so many people like sheep?

So I came up with a New Rule: You ask me to put something canned in my Facebook status for “even just an hour” and I remove you from my news feed.

That should lower the noise to signal ratio a bit.

Cherry Martini

You know it was coming.

Cherry MartiniAnother cherry recipe…this one for after hours.

Ingredients:

  • 6 ripe, juicy cherries, pitted and quartered.
  • 4 ounces vodka. I prefer Ketel One but settled for Absolut this time.
  • 4-6 ice cubes.

Instructions:

  1. Combine all ingredients in a shaker.
  2. Shake vigorously until fully chilled. The mixture should turn pink.
  3. Strain into martini glass.
  4. If desired, spoon cherries into glass.

This is quite tasty without being sickly sweet.

So You Want to Be a Helicopter Pilot, Part 8: Be Willing to Travel

Simply put: you have to go where the jobs are.

Back in July, I got an e-mail message from a reader with a question. His message is reproduced below, with his name changed to protect his privacy:

Hello, my name is Joe. I am 16. I live in Indiana, and I have been thinking a lot about my future career. I was thinking about all of the jobs that I would be interested in doing, and one of the big ones was a helicopter pilot. I read all of your posts about getting a job as a helicopter pilot, and I am confident that I have a chance in piloting as a career. I am willing to move around the country to get the right training on being a helicopter pilot, and I am willing to find a way to make it through all of the expensive training that you talked about. The only thing that really bummed me a lot about being a helicopter pilot was that once you make it through all of the training that it takes to actually get a job, the hours for piloting jobs can be unappealing, and I was just wondering if that is the case with all piloting jobs. Because some of them require you to be away for long periods at a time, and I was curious if all piloting jobs have strange hours, because I am kind of a family guy, and I don’t know if being away for long periods at a time on the job would be the thing for me.

I think it’s an excellent lead-in to my next topic in this series: travel.

Look at it Logically

For a moment, think about the kinds of jobs that are out there: doctors, mechanics, lawyers, restaurant servers, bankers, construction workers, accountants, supermarket managers, insurance agents — the list goes on and on. These jobs might be very different, but they all have one thing in common: there are job opportunities everywhere. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, chances are that you could find people in all of these jobs within 5 or 10 miles from your home.

Now think about pilot jobs or, more specifically, helicopter pilot jobs. How many helicopter pilot jobs do you think there are within 5 or 10 miles from your home? Unless you live in a big city or tourist town, you can probably count them on two hands. Even if there are more jobs, they’ll likely have strict requirements for experience, certification, and skills, making them difficult to qualify for until you’ve been flying for a while.

Travel May Be Unavoidable

Let’s look at the big picture based on time:

  • Flight Training. If there’s a suitable flight school in your area, you might not need to travel to get your training. My first flight school was 90 miles from my home; I later trained at a second location of the same school that was only 70 miles away. That’s a lot of driving, but I was able to sleep in my own bed at night. When I had a falling out with my flight school and needed to finish up my commercial rating elsewhere, I went to Long Beach, CA, which is not driving distance from my home. (Fortunately, I only needed 10 more days to get my rating.) Whether you have to travel for training is dependent on what’s available near where you live. And don’t pick a flight school just because it’s the only one nearby; consult Part 4 of this series, “Choose a Reputable Flight School,” for more on choosing a flight school.
  • Time-Building Job. Your first job as a pilot is very likely to be as a CFI. This is, for most people, a time-building job. In other words, the only reason you’re doing it is to build flight time so you qualify for another job. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to get a CFI job either at the flight school you trained at or another one close to home. But again, this isn’t always the case. That first job is often very difficult to get — especially when, for a while, flight schools were churning out new helicopter pilots at an alarming rate. If you want to move forward in your career, you must get a time-building job. If the job market is tight, you might have to take the first job you’re offered, no matter where it is.
  • First Pilot Job. Once you’ve build enough time, you’ll be eligible for a “real” pilot job — one where you’re actually doing all the flying (as opposed to sitting beside someone else who is trying to). Again, there aren’t many entry level jobs. Some of them are seasonal tour jobs, meaning they’re only available during the season. I wound up at the Grand Canyon, which I recommend because of the challenging flying conditions. Other people go to Alaska. The more time you have, the more options will be open to you. In many cases, this first job will also be your introduction to turbine helicopters. (Frankly, I don’t see much difference between turbine and piston helicopter operations — except how much damage you can do if you don’t start it right or try to pull too much power.) Employers make a big deal about turbine time it so you should probably try to get into a turbine ship as soon as possible. The point is, once again you’re required to travel to where the job is available. And there’s probably no coming home on weekends if you’re working in Alaska.

Sometime after that first “real” job, you’ll begin qualifying for other flying jobs. In my mind, they fall into three categories:

  • Contract Jobs. A contract job is where you are hired as a pilot to fulfill a contract for specific work. The cherry drying work I do in Washington State is an example of a contract job: I’m hired to provide services for a short length of time. I’m paid a per diem amount to be available each day of the contract and I’m paid an hourly rate when I fly. My duty hours are all daylight hours, 7 days a week until the end of the contract, which is normally 2 to 6 weeks. I’m not employed by anyone — in other words, I don’t get a paycheck, have taxes deducted, or have benefits. I’m also out of work when the contract is up. Firefighting is another example of a contract job. Contract jobs tend to be seasonal and require specific skills, equipment, and/or certifications. These jobs require the most travel — you could be in Arizona fighting a fire one week and two weeks later be in Montana waiting for a fire call.
  • Schedule Jobs. What I’m referring to as a “schedule” job is when you work for a specific employer on a schedule — for example 7 days on and 7 days off or 14/14. I worked 7/7 at the Grand Canyon, but they also offered 4/3 schedules (I think; my memory isn’t as good as it was). 7/7 and 14/14 is common with EMS and Gulf operation jobs. Some contract jobs — especially firefighting — work on 14/14 (or similar) schedules. These schedules are designed, in part, to make it possible for pilots to “go home” between work shifts. They’re recognizing that pilots don’t always live where the job is and, indeed, they don’t. When I worked at the Grand Canyon, most of the pilots on the 7/7 schedule went home on their off days, including me.
  • Regular Jobs. What I’m calling a “regular” job is one where you work “regular” hours at the same place for a specific employer. ENG and law enforcement jobs are good examples. An ENG pilot might have to fly morning and afternoon rush hours and be available during the day for breaking news. But he might get nights and weekends off. A law enforcement or EMS pilot might work a 12-hour day shift for a week, get a week off, and then work a 12-hour night shift at the same base. These are the folks most likely to live where they work. And if their job is stable enough, they can have a home life pretty much like anyone else’s.

Of course, there is overlap between these three broad categories and someone else might come up with a different way to distinguish between them. This is just my way of looking at them and how travel is involved.

I should also point out that a “regular” job might require travel. For example, you could argue that Phoenix-based Flying M Air is my employer and I normally work out of a Phoenix airport. However some photography or survey assignments require that I travel to other locations — Lake Powell, Bryce Canyon, Kingman, Winslow, etc. — for a day or more. If clients need a helicopter where there isn’t one, I’m sometimes called to bring mine to them.

In general, however, to answer Joe’s question about hours, I’d say that 95% of helicopter jobs have what you might consider “odd hours.” If you’re looking for a 9 to 5 job, a career as a helicopter pilot is not for you.

Living Conditions on the Road

A humorous look at this aspect of being a helicopter pilot.

It’s worth a moment to look at some of the living conditions you might find if you do get a job away from home. While they’re not always terrible, they’re not usually very good.

At the Grand Canyon, pilots were offered housing in double-wide mobile homes about 30 miles from the airport. For a reasonable fee, four pilots shared one four-bedroom house in a subdivision of mobile homes. I was fortunate in that I had other living arrangements available to me, so I didn’t need to take advantage of this opportunity. My understanding was that living conditions depended on your roommates and and their habits. The area was so remote with such limited facilities that our employer actually warned us before we were hired about the lack of night life and social activities so we couldn’t use that as an excuse to back out later on.

In Central Washington State, I now live in a fifth wheel RV that I own and transport to my various bases of operation. It’s very comfortable, although it does have limitations that vary based on where it’s parked. In previous years, I spent a whole month at a motel in a very cramped room with no cross-ventilation. (The motel did have a pool, so I really can’t complain.) Other pilots doing this work are often called on to live in housing provided onsite — usually small travel trailers. One pilot I know was put in an 18-foot travel trailer with no bathroom; she had to use a portable toilet (think blue or green outhouse) and walk to the orchard owner’s home to shower. Her cell phone didn’t work there either, so the only way she could get or make calls was to drive into town.

A friend of mine who works fire contracts is typically put up in a motel near the base. Because the base can change at any time and he has to carry his gear with him from base to base — sometimes in the helicopter when he repositions — he’s limited on what creature comforts he can bring along. Motel quality and cleanliness can vary widely depending on what’s available.

Yet another friend of mine who works fire contracts typically travels to Greece, Italy, and Australia for work. I don’t know the details of his living conditions, but I sure do like the idea of going to places like these with someone else footing the travel bill.

Living conditions are a crapshoot that depends on many factors. If you’re picky about where you sleep at night, a career as a helicopter pilot might not be for you.

Be Willing to Travel

The point of all this is that you need to be willing to travel and willing to deal with less-than-perfect living conditions to move forward in a career as a helicopter pilot. But that’s part of paying dues — which is up next.

Cherry Vodka

Yet another way to use up cherries.

On Friday, when I was just getting down to the last 5 pounds of yellow (but amazingly delicious) Rainier cherries in my fridge, another client dropped off 18 pounds of what I think were sweethearts — a type of red cherry. I could barely fit them in my fridge and was very happy to give about 1/3 of them to my neighbor (the one who let me park my helicopter on his driveway).

That left me with at least 15 pounds of cherries.

I like cherries even more than the next person and, unlike lots of people, don’t have digestive problems when I eat “too many.” In fact, until I got this big box, I didn’t know how many were “too many.” Now I do.

I did a helicopter winery tour on Saturday that brought me to Malaga Springs Winery in Malaga, WA. While I was there, I chatted with Al, the winemaker, and mentioned the cherries. I told him I was running out of things to do with them.

That’s when he suggested that I make cherry liquor. The directions are very easy:

Ingredients:

  • Fresh cherries, pitted and cut. I quartered them.
  • Sugar, to taste. This is optional. The cherries I had were so sweet — especially those darn Rainiers — that I didn’t use sugar.
  • Vodka. Although I suppose any vodka would do the trick, I don’t drink junk liquor so I used Absolut.

Instructions:

  1. Wash, pit, and cut the cherries.
  2. If you’re adding sugar, mix the sugar in with the cherries.
  3. Cherry LiquorPack a clean, dry canning jar with as many cherry pieces as you can. Because I had all those Rainiers that were starting to get a little old, I layered them in the middle of the jar (Al’s idea) which made each jar a little more interesting looking than if it had been packed with just red or yellow cherries.
  4. Slowly top off the jar with as much vodka as will fit in the jar. You might want to tap the jar on the countertop once or twice to release air bubbles and then top it off again.
  5. Seal the jar snugly.
  6. Store for at least six to eight months.

According to Al, using a canning process or refrigeration is not necessary. (If I suddenly stop blogging about six to eight months from now, throw out your cherries.)

I made six 1-pint jars, using wide-mouth canning jars so I could easily scoop out the cherries when they’re ready to eat. Al says the cherry/vodka mix is great on ice cream and that the cherry-infused vodka is good as a sweet drink. I’m thinking it’ll make a great cherry martini.

When I open the first jar early next year, I’ll be sure to blog about it and let you know how it goes. In the meantime, if you give this a try or have ideas for other ways it can be done, please share your ideas in the comments for this post.

So You Want to Be a Helicopter Pilot, Part 7: Stay Slim

Fatties need not apply.

As strange as it might seem, one of the biggest barriers to building a career as a helicopter pilot is size — pilot size. Simply put, if you’re a heavyweight, you’re going to have a heck of a time learning to fly and getting your first job.

How Big is Big?

What do I mean by “heavyweight”? Well:

  • N7139LHow much do you think you can squeeze into one of these?

    If you weigh more than 250 pounds, you may as well forget about learning to fly helicopters for a flying career. Most training helicopters simply can’t accommodate a big guy (or gal) plus a flight instructor. Even if you did learn how to fly, no one will hire you as a flight instructor.

  • If you weigh between 200 and 250 pounds, you might find a flight school that can accommodate you for training, but it’s highly unlikely that you’ll find one willing to hire you as a flight instructor. After all, the more the CFI weighs, the less capacity there is for the student pilot. A big CFI could only train small student pilots; flight schools simply don’t want to deal with this limitation.
  • If you weigh between 180 and 200 pounds, you’ll likely find a flight school that can accommodate you for training and might consider hiring you as a flight instructor. But you’d have to be really good with no serious competition to get that job.
  • If you weigh less than 180 pounds, not only will you have no trouble finding a flight school, but if you prove your worth throughout training, you probably won’t have much trouble getting a job as a flight instructor either.
  • If you weigh less than 150 pounds — listen up, ladies! — and you’re a good pilot with the right attitude, you will be sought after as a pilot.

Remember, the less the pilot weighs, the more other stuff — passengers, cargo, etc. — can be loaded on board.

Real-Life Examples

Don’t believe me? I can back this up with a two real-life stories.

One guy who flew with me on my annual journey from Arizona to Washington state needed to build R44 time to qualify as an R44 CFI. He was a tall guy — probably at least 6 ft 2 in — and weighed 220 pounds. This was not a fat 220 pounds; he was tall, thin, and fit. He’d been told flatly by the school he hoped to get a job with that he weighed too much to be a CFI in R22s. He figured he’d go after a job as a CFI for R44s. What he didn’t realize is that flight schools don’t want CFIs limited to training in just one aircraft model. They could easily prep a 180-pound R22 CFI to train in an R44 — in fact, they could use that possibility as motivation (think carrot) for their R22 CFIs. I don’t know if this guy ever got a CFI job, but I tend to doubt it.

A very tiny female pilot who has been flying helicopters for years at the Grand Canyon weighs in at only 115 pounds. While it’s true that she’s too small to fly solo without ballast in the EC130 she flies at work, her employer loves her, referring to her as their “secret weapon.” Indeed, I saw her value one spring day when I dropped off two passengers for a flight over the Grand Canyon. The aircraft originally had only four passengers who would fly with one of the other pilots. When two more passengers showed up for the same flight, they pulled the other pilot — a man who probably weighed in between 180 and 200 pounds — and put her on board instead. They’d gained at least 65 pounds of capacity by simply swapping pilots, making a flight that may have been over gross weight now under gross weight. What company wouldn’t see the value of that?

And if these two examples aren’t enough for you, take a look at helicopter pilot job listings. You’ll see that a surprising number include maximum pilot weight as part of the requirements — or ask you to include your weight with your resume. In other words, fatties need not apply.

Don’t Disregard this Advice!

This is not advice that should be disregarded. This is vitally important for career pilots.

If you’re a 220+ pounder and a flight school trying to sign you up tells you not to worry about it, they are lying to you to get your business — as they may have done to the 220 pounder who flew with me. Sure, they may be able to squeeze you and a tiny CFI on board an R22 for flight training. Or maybe they’ll convince you that you’ll be better off training in an R44, which costs about twice as much per hour to fly. But you’ll still find it impossible (or nearly so) to get a job as a CFI when your ratings are in hand. And unless you plan to pay to build your first 1,000 hours, you’ll need that CFI job to move forward in your career.

It should go without saying that even if you start on the slim side, it’s important to stay that way — at least until you’ve reached a point in your career where your personal body weight doesn’t matter as much.

For example, I have two not-so-slim friends who are well along in their pilot careers. Both are utility pilots; one flies medium twins like Hueys and Bell 212s and the other flies Sky Cranes. Both of these guys are between 200 and 240 pounds. But they (obviously) weren’t always that big. Pounds are often added with years.

Yet another friend of mine was a medevac pilot who allowed his weight to creep up over time. When his company started closing bases, he was one of the first pilots to go. Coincidence? I don’t think so. At the time, he probably weighed about 250.

What You Can Do

If your current weight is above 200 pounds and you know some of it is body fat, it’s time to go on a diet. Do your best to get your weight down to what I consider the magic number for helicopter pilots: 180. If you can keep your weight at or below 180 pounds, weight will not be a barrier to your career.

Keeping slim and trim will help you throughout your life. Not only will it make it easier for you to get work as a pilot, but it will keep you healthier. Obesity-related illnesses such as high blood pressure, heart problems, and diabetes can end your career. If this isn’t motivation to take care of yourself, nothing is.

Next up, I’ll talk about what I consider the best part of being a helicopter pilot — but what others hate: travel.