One Pilot’s Stupidity Makes Us All Look Bad

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Helicopter pilots: choose your landing zones wisely, please.

As a helicopter pilot, one of the questions I get asked most often is: “Can you land anywhere?”

In most cases, the person asking the question is referring to the legality of landing anywhere — not the ability to land anywhere. Helicopters have the ability to land almost anywhere, but not every landing zone is legal. I address this in quite a bit of detail in a post titled “Finding a Legal Landing Zone” that I wrote back in 2009. The facts still apply.

Unfortunately, not everyone considers the legality — or even the safety — of a landing zone before setting down on it. This brief news piece linked to by Vertical Magazine’s Twitter account is a good example. The gist of the piece:

A Monticello man has been charged by Nassau County Police with landing a helicopter in a grassy area full of pedestrians near the Nassau Coliseum minutes before midnight on Saturday night.

Nassau Coliseum, in case you don’t know, is an indoor arena where the NY Islanders play hockey and concerts are held. I saw quite a few concerts there in my college days. And hockey games.

On the night in question, there were about 100 drunk kids, aged 14 to 18, wandering around the building when the idiot pilot — honestly, what else can I call him? — came in for a landing in his Bell 407. He had to abort one landing before succeeding on a second attempt. At least 20 pedestrians were walking in the area.

I don’t think I need to tell you how stupid this stunt was. Drunk kids in the landing zone? All it takes is for one of them to walk into the tail rotor to turn a fun night of teenage drinking (yes, I’m being sarcastic) into death and mental trauma. Even if the kids weren’t drunk — and the pilot may not have thought they were — they’re still pedestrians in a landing zone. You don’t have to be drunk to walk into a tail rotor, as evidenced here and here.

And it’s not just the tail rotor that’s dangerous. Although visibility around a helicopter is good, it isn’t 360°. The pilot could have struck a pedestrian on the way down — or even landed on one.

Sure — nothing happened in this case. But the cops came, arrested the pilot, and seized his helicopter. And I think he deserves everything he gets.

You see, irresponsible pilots who pull dangerous stunts like this make all helicopter pilots look bad. People connect his action to the group he’s a part of. Hence, all helicopter pilots are reckless individuals who would land among a crowd of drunk teenagers.

We know better. But does the public? Does the local government?

A few years back, the city of Scottsdale, AZ instituted a town ordinance prohibiting the landing of a helicopter anywhere except at an airport or approved helipad. Why? Because an idiot pilot decided it would be fun to land in a culdesac of his subdivision. Neighbors didn’t think it was such a good idea and complained. It went to the city council and they “fixed” the problem by making it illegal.

(Wickenburg has a similar ordinance, although a pilot can get permission, on a case-by-case basis, by talking to the police chief before landing. And the police chief can deny the request.)

My point: think before you land off-airport. Think about the consequences of your actions. Think about the safety of the people on the ground. Think about the potential for complaints.

And don’t be stupid.

The Woman Scorned Playlist

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I’ll let these ladies sing it for me.

A while back, I got into a conversation on Twitter with @flymaine about the pop artist, Adele. I’d heard the name but didn’t really know much about her. @flymaine provided a link to her music video, Rolling in the Deep, on YouTube. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a watch:

I watched the video and listened to the lyrics. Could she possibly be singing about an unfaithful partner? I tracked down the lyrics and read them. And when I got to this, I cried:

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can’t help feeling
We could have had it all

This is what has been going on in my head since the reality of my situation hit me: While he’d been bouncing from one dead-end job to the next, with periods of unemployment in between, I’d been working my ass off to achieve a goal for both of us — a goal he helped me set for our future. While he was dealing with (and complaining about) the nine-to-five grind, I was doing my best to make us financially independent and get us a great place to go and work and play together every summer. But when it came time to join me as he’d promised he’d do, he made excuses to stay behind. And then, while I was gone this year — my best year ever — he dumped me for a woman he’d known less than a month.

We could have had it all — we almost had it all — but now it’s all gone. It’s still hard to believe.

The rest of the song pretty much covers what comes after the pain: the anger. I have that, too. Hell, it was almost as if she wrote this song with my situation in mind.

Or are there that many women out there who have been burned by men they loved?

And that got me thinking about the Scorned Woman Playlist. A list of songs that express what I’m thinking and feeling about my situation. I bought Adele’s song from iTunes and added it to a new playlist.

I already had another song for the playlist: The Carolina Chocolate Drops’ Hit ‘Em Up Style. I bought it about two years ago, back before I ever thought something like this could happen to me. The only video I could find was this live performance. It rocks:

This one is a lot more fun — and definitely more upbeat — but these lyrics still make me cry every time I hear them:

There goes the dreams we used to say
There goes the time we went away
There goes the love I had but you cheated on me
And that’s worth that now

There goes the house we made a home
There goes you’ll never leave me alone
There goes the lies you told
This is what you owe

“There goes the house we made a home” — that line hits hardest right now. As I pack and store and discard the things I added to our house to help make it a home, the place we made together is disappearing before my eyes. Every day it’s less like the place I spent the past 15 years of my life. Less like the place I worked so hard to get paid off by the time I was 50 and he was 55 — so we wouldn’t have to be slaves to nine-to-five jobs to pay a mortgage. So we could go into a sort of semi-retirement while we were still young and have some fun. Together.

In this song, the woman scorned gets revenge with a credit card. I wish it was that easy.

@flymaine also suggested Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats, but I’m not a big fan of country music. And her other suggestion, KT Tunstall’s Black Horse and the Cherry Tree, doesn’t quite say it like the two I’ve got.

Any other suggestions? Remember the theme: a woman scorned. Use the comment link to share your suggestions; I’ll add the ones that I think fit to this blog post.

Fresh, Healthy Food — Homemade

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I might not be “cooking” since I returned home, but I am keeping busy in the kitchen.

I’ve been back home just over a month now. I haven’t done much cooking — frankly, I’m eating out so often with friends and bringing leftovers home that I have no need to cook. I like cooking, but cooking a meal for one just isn’t much fun.

But I don’t mind fooling around in the kitchen to make other things. A week or two ago, I made a double batch of my oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for the folks at Peachpit Press, who just moved into new offices in San Francisco. They were apparently well-received.

The other day, my friend Tammy posted a recipe on her blog, Happenings on the Hill, for homemade yogurt. It sounded very easy. Since I’ve been consuming quite a bit of yogurt these days, I figured I’d give it a try. I successfully made a quart-sized batch on Monday; when that runs out, I’ll do it again. So easy!

Today's Breakfast
Today’s breakfast: homemade yogurt with pumpkin granola and a few fresh raspberries.

A few days later, Tammy posted a recipe for pumpkin granola, which she suggested as an accompaniment to the yogurt. With main ingredients of oats and almonds, how could I resist? I made a batch this morning. Because of my limited collection of baking pans, I had to modify the recipe a bit to ensure the granola dried out properly while baking. The results are yummy.

If you like to make good, healthy food from scratch, I recommend Tammy’s blog. You won’t find those crazy involved recipes that are so easy to screw up. Instead, you’ll find simple recipes for good, healthy food. And if you try any of them, be sure to leave a comment on the recipe post there to let Tammy know how you did.

Dinner and a Movie

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My last date — and an idea for my next one?

Way back in 1982 or 1983, I went on a date with a man I met at a bar. I was 21 or 22 at the time and I’m pretty sure I was at the bar with some college friends. In fact, I think my previous boyfriend was among those gathered for drinks. I can’t remember how we got to talking, but I suspect he was a friend of one of my friends. I can’t remember anything we talked about, but when he asked me out for a date, I said yes.

My Last Date

The date was dinner and a movie — and for the life of me, I can’t remember which we did first. It must have been dinner, right?

Dinner was at a place called Coco’s. It was (or is?) a restaurant chain in the New York area. I was living in Hempstead, Long Island at the time, in my first apartment. Coco’s was in Hempstead, but on the “nice” side of town. (Not sure if there is a nice side of Hempstead these days.)

I don’t remember what we ate, but I assume it was standard chain restaurant fare. I do remember the conversation, though. It was dominated by my date, who spent most of the time talking about his ex-wife, his religious beliefs, and the kind of furniture he liked. I felt as if it were a job interview for his next wife, where he was running through the qualifications for the position and telling me what to expect. The entire dinnertime conversation was a complete turn-off. The furniture bothered me most: do people still have Colonial American furniture?

So I wasn’t very optimistic about the rest of the evening.

Blade Runner Movie PosterThe movie was Blade Runner, the classic science fiction movie directed by Ridley Scott and starring Harrison Ford. I absolutely loved this movie — and today, it remains one of my favorites of all time. I loved the complex story, I loved the visualizations and style, I loved the characters, I loved the violence. I came out of the movie feeling good, ready to see it a second time.

My date, however, hated it. Absolutely hated it.

That’s when I knew there was a mismatch.

He drove me home and I let him walk me up to my apartment. But I did not invite him in. I think there was a G-rated kiss on the doorstep before I went inside.

He called me the next day to ask me out for a second date. That kind of amazed me. He was apparently either desperate to make it work or completely out of touch with reality. I set him straight. I told him I didn’t think we were a good match.

He tried one more time a few weeks later, leaving a message on my machine. I didn’t return his call.

(And in case you’re wondering, my soon-to-be ex-husband and I didn’t really date. We just started doing things together and didn’t really stop — until this year.)

My Next Date?

I think dinner and a movie is a great idea for a first date. Dinner gives you a chance to see what kinds of restaurants and foods you both like. It gives you an opportunity to discuss the things you both think are worth discussing. It gives you both food for thought for the rest of the evening and beyond.

The movie, of course, gives you an opportunity to share the experience of third-party content. Rather than both of you talking about what you want, the movie offers fresh input from someone else. How you both react to it can help you understand how alike — or different — you are. I know that if I hated a movie and my companion loved it, there could be a problem. But even a discussion of the movie can help bring out similarities and differences in the way you think.

Skyfall movie posterIf I got to plan my next date, it would be dinner at an independent (not chain) restaurant that offered healthy choices (like salads or grilled meats/fish) followed by an action/adventure flick like the new James Bond movie, Skyfall — maybe in IMAX.

The hard part, apparently, is to find someone who agrees that might be a pleasant way to spend an evening.

Grief Counseling: A Note to Friends

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I need your help; here’s how.

As some folks might know, I’m seeing a counselor to help me through the grief I’m experiencing at my separation and divorce. As I discussed in a recent blog post, the man I fell in love with is dead, at least as far as I’m concerned. Grief counseling is helping me deal with that loss.

My counselor gives me “homework” to do after each session. I did last week’s homework today in preparation for our next session. It consisted of two parts: a reading assignment and a worksheet. The reading assignment had some information I want to share with my friends — most of whom have been extremely supportive. (Even if you’re not one of my friends, if you’re experiencing grief or have a friend who is, read on.)

The reading assignment was a four-page flyer titled “Coping with Loss: Guide to Grieving and Bereavement.” It covers what you might expect: a definition of grief, a comparison of grief with depression, a discussion of how trauma affects grief. It also covers the “five stages of grief” — if it’s possible, I’m going through three of them at the same time, with an occasional dose of the fourth! I found the discussion of the suffering part of grief, with a list of the emotional and physical symptoms to be right on target. Unfortunately.

But what I want to mention here is some of the discussion regarding the support of friends. I’d like to quote a few passages that I highlighted.

Let people who care about you take care of you, even if you pride yourself on being strong and self-sufficient. Especially if you live away from family, true friends will have the shoulders you cry on until you begin to recover. (emphasis added)

Those of you who have seen me at my emotional worst will understand this. And I need to say again how much I appreciate those shoulders. Thank you. Your friendship means so much to me and is really helping me through this.

Some friends are a lot less comfortable with my emotional lapses. They’re not accustomed to seeing me upset, let alone crying. They feel helpless — and I really can’t blame them. But this passage offers some advice:

If people don’t know what they can do to help, tell them, whether it’s to go with you to a movie, cook you a meal, or just hold you as you cry. If someone is uncomfortable with your displays of emotion or need to talk about the person you lost, gently let him or her know that talking out your grief is part of your healing process.

And it really is.

The main thing helping me right now is staying active. I’m busy at home, packing for my upcoming move, but I can’t pack all the time. Going out with friends to dinner or a movie or even a drive or hike is really helpful. And if I can keep my mind off my woes, I’m a lot less likely to get weepy.

The final point is one I need to share with the folks who are trying to be helpful by sort of blowing it all off:

Don’t let other people tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel, either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.”

I will eventually move on and get over it. Really. I know I will. But not anytime soon. It’s something I need to work through at my own pace. Please don’t try to rush me.

So many friends have voiced their confidence that I’ll come out on top and recover quickly from this setback in my life. I know they’re right but I’m also glad they’re telling me. It’s good to hear it, it helps me stay confident when things are looking bad.

It’s the support of my friends that I depend on as work though my grief. Thank you.