Snowbirding 2020 Postcards: The Expired Food Grocery Store

Where old food goes when it leaves your supermarket.

This is one of the oddities of Quartzsite, AZ: a grocery store inside a tent that is filled with (mostly) food past its “best by” date.

Discount Grocery
The entrance to the Discount Grocery shop in Quartzsite just before Christmas.

This was very close to where I was camped for most of January so I went there a few times a week. It has mostly canned and packaged foods from the middle aisles of supermarkets.

Now anyone who knows me knows that I have always treated those “best by” dates as some sort of food expiration date. Recently, however, I’ve been educated about just how random those dates can be. And while I still prefer buying food that has that date way into the future, I’ve occasionally purchased (and eaten) food with old dates. This is where I’ve gotten it.

You can’t argue the prices. One year, I bought (and made) box after box of $1 coffee cake mix that was kicked out of the supermarket two or three months before. And those old crackers don’t taste bad with a smear of fresh cashew butter or brie on them. And does candy really expire?

Cheap Chocolate Chocolate Expiration Date
How could I resist Ghirardelli chocolate for just a buck? Hell, it was less than 2 months past its “best before” date. (It was fine.)

But what always surprised me was how some of the items weren’t past their “best by” dates at all. Like large cans of menudo (which I actually like) and canned peaches. And how about the 17-oz (500ml) bottle of organic extra virgin olive oil from Spain that won’t “expire” until August 2020? For $2? I thought it might be rancid, but it wasn’t. I’m still using it.

Anyway, you can find the Discount Grocery on the south side of Kuehn Street at Tyson Wells during the winter. I recommend it.

Beyond Meat

I try some meat substitutes and come away unimpressed.

I first heard of the Impossible Burger on NPR, which I listen to quite regularly. It was mentioned in a piece on one show and then, a few days later, on another. The folks talking about it seemed quite impressed claiming that they’d finally nailed a plant-based burger.

Of course, I wanted to try one. I like trying new foods. So I did some research and learned that the local Red Robin burger joint sold them. As much as I dislike Red Robin — I’m not a fan of chain restaurants and I’d had a very unsatisfactory experience at the local one — I went to give it a try.

Impossible Cheese Burger
From the Red Robin website: the Impossible Burger.

They had different versions on the menu. I ordered some sort of cheeseburger. When it arrived I realized that I’d forgotten to tell them not to fill the bun with sauces and lettuce and tomato and whatever else they stuffed in there. It was a mess. I ate it. It was tasty, but I can’t say I tasted anything resembling beef.

I tried again a few weeks later. This time I told them I wanted it plain: the burger and the cheese on the bun. Nothing else. Now I could actually taste what I’d come to taste. And I was not impressed. If people thought this tasted like beef, I had to wonder what kind of beef they were eating.

Beyond Sausage Package
Beyond Sausage packaging.

Fast forward a few weeks. I was in my local Fred Meyer supermarket shopping the meat department and I saw Beyond Meat burgers. Beyond Meat is an Impossible Foods competitor. On a whim — remember, I like to try new foods — I bought a pack of two burgers. A while later, while chatting with the butcher there, he mentioned that the sausage was really good. I figured, why not? I bought them, too.

I got home and took a closer look at the package. I was interested in calorie count. And that’s when I got my first shock: 190 calories for one sausage.

Beyond Sausage Nutrition Facts
The nutrition facts and cooking instructions for Beyond Sausage. One sausage gives you 25% and 21% of your daily requirements of fat and sodium, respectively.

How could that be? It was made from vegetables. A closer look at the ingredients explained all. The first four ingredients, in order, were water, pea protein, coconut oil, and sunflower oil. Oil. I’d bought a mixture of peas, water, and oil. And this was supposed to replace sausage?

Burned Sausage
I guess when one of your primary ingredients is oil, you’ll burn pretty quickly.

I heated up my propane grill, lowered the flame, and closed the lid. I hadn’t looked at the cooking instructions yet. I figured I’d cook it like I cooked a sausage. I went back outside a few minutes later to turn them. The grill temperature gauge said 350°F and smoke was billowing out. I lifted the lid in time to see the sausage on fire. I pulled it aside with a fork. Shit. Definitely not edible.

One down, three to go.

I decided to look at the cooking instructions. It said to heat the grill to 500°F (!), brush the sausage with oil (!), and grill 6 minutes per side. If I’d followed those instructions, I likely would have set my neighborhood on fire.

I lowered the flame and tried again. It cooked more slowly. Too slowly. I raised it. Now it was cooking too fast. I found myself standing by the grill, watching it cook so I wouldn’t destroy another one.

Penny Says No
Penny can tell the difference between food and nonfood.

Meanwhile, I cut off an unburned piece of the first one and offered it to Penny. She sniffed it and looked up at me as if to say, “Am I supposed to eat this?” I wound up throwing it away.

When the one on the grill was done, I put it on a plate beside the salad I’d prepared for my “healthy” meal. I wanted to pretend it was normal food.

I tasted it. The flavor was good — it tasted like some version of a sausage. It’s amazing what seasonings can do.

But the texture was all wrong. It was spongy with a uniform texture not like any real meat. It was a lot like the frozen chicken meatballs I keep in the freezer for a last minute pot luck contribution — bake them with homemade honey barbecue sauce and they’re tasty. But spongy. Even real meat, when processed enough with additives, ceased to be realistic. These sausages never had a chance.

So no, I wasn’t impressed. I won’t buy them again.

Oddly, I did have two left and was determined to eat them. So one afternoon, for lunch, I cut one up into small pieces and threw it in a frying pan with some chopped onions and broccoli. When it was mostly cooked up, I dropped an egg on top, covered the pan, and let the egg cook until the white was set and white. This is a typical meal for me — I have chickens, after all, and no shortage of eggs — although I usually use bacon, real sausage, or ham as the meat protein. To my surprise, it was actually quite tasty. The sponginess wasn’t that noticeable in such small pieces.

But no, I’m not sold enough to buy it again.

The way I see it is this: there is no flavor, nutrition, or financial benefit to buying Beyond Meat sausage (and likely burgers, although I admit I haven’t tried them yet). They don’t taste any better than real meat alternatives. They’re not, by any stretch of the imagination, a healthy food. And they’re not cheap. I’m not sure why anyone other than a strict vegetarian or vegan would buy these.

Snowbirding 2019: A Dose of Civilization

After too much time cooped up in the boonies in my camper, I get back to civilization.

Posts in this series:
The Long Drive
At the Backwaters Campsite
In Mesa and Gilbert
A Quick Stop in Wickenburg and Forepaugh
Off Plomosa Road
• Camping at the Big RV Show
• A Trip to Organ Pipe with the WINs
The Tucson Gem & Mineral Shows
Wickenburg Gold Rush Days
• Constellation Park Interlude
• White Tank Mountain Park
Bumming It in Phoenix and Apache Junction
A Dose of Civilization
Return to the Backwaters

I woke up to another beautiful Arizona day. The storm that had soaked and snowcapped the state the previous week was long gone.

I checked the map and realized that the road I was near — Bush Highway — wasn’t really close to the one I needed to be on — Beeline Highway — to get to Fountain Hills. Oops. No matter. Instead of having a 20 minute drive, I’d have a 40 minute drive. It wasn’t like I was in a hurry. My destination was the big art show in Fountain Hills where my friends Janet and Steve were showing and selling Janet’s paintings. They’d been just about rained out on Friday but Saturday had been a good day for them and that day, Sunday, looked like it might be good, too. As long as I got there before 10 AM, I’d likely find a parking space for my rig. Other than that, I was in no hurry.

McDowell Sunrise
Mother Nature treated us to a nice sunrise. That’s Four Peaks again in the distance.

My Rig
My rig in its overnight campsite. I had to make an approximately 160° turn to get out of there.

After a light breakfast, I packed up my grill, which was about the only thing I’d taken out, and headed out. My biggest challenge was getting my camper pointed down the narrow road I needed to be on; it took several moves to make the turn.

At the gate, I had to unlock it and get it opened to leave. Someone was waiting right behind me and I was very happy to see him stop and close the gate once we’d both pulled through.

Wild Horses

Rather than double back toward Phoenix, I decided to continue east along Bush Highway until it met up with Beeline and then head west from there. It was a very pleasant drive with great views of Four Peaks and other snow covered mountains.

It wasn’t long before I started seeing signs indicating that I was in a wild horse area. From road signs to signs painted on the road itself, I was repeatedly warned that there were wild horses around. I looked. I didn’t see any.

Until I did. About a mile or two short of Beeline, at least a dozen horses in all horsey colors grazed on a hillside near the road. People had stopped with cameras to take photos. If the parking situation had been a little better, I probably would have stopped, too.

Wild horses have become a bit of a problem in the west. You see, unchecked, their populations explode, with herds all over the state. I knew from flying in Arizona for so many years exactly where I could find them: along the Gila River west of Chandler, along the Verde and Salt Rivers east of Phoenix, west of I-17 not far from Prescott Valley were just three places. I’d also flown over them in remote areas of Nevada, Oregon, Idaho, California, and Washington. I’d even been hired by the Yakama Nation to help them round up horses the previous spring.

While there’s some sort of romantic notion that wild horses belong in the west, there are clearly too many of them. In Washington, on the Yakama Reservation, their populations grow beyond available food supplies, leaving them to die of hunger during the late summer and through the winter. They’re also competing with cattle for grass and water, which isn’t a good thing for the cattle industry. Although some groups are able to round up and auction off some of the horses, that’s an expensive proposition and there aren’t too many people who want a wild horse.

What’s the answer? In my opinion, population control through sterilization. I’d hate to see the horses shot — although there are apparently people who think this is a viable solution. But because all solutions cost money and money can be really scarce to fight problems like this, it’s more likely that nothing sufficient will be done and the problem will continue to plague the west.

Anyway, I didn’t stop so I don’t have photos. Sorry.

At Fountain Hills

The community of Fountain Hills seemed to be still asleep when I arrived at around 9:30 AM. I drove into town on the main road until it ended with a road block for the Art Show. Then I turned right and slid into some curbside parking on an otherwise empty street. I figured I was about 3 blocks from where I had to go.

Penny and I cut through a few parking lots until we homed in on Janet and Steve’s rig parked in a private parking lot right off the fair area. Steve was inside, getting ready to go. Janet was already at the booth. Steve pointed. We went.

Most of the booths were still closed up, although a few showed some signs of opening. The event started at 10 AM but Sundays are usually a slow start day because so many people go to church.

I watched Janet finish opening her booth. She had a single booth at this show because of its high cost. Rather than fill it with both her acrylic paintings on feathers and oil paintings on canvas, she’d stuck with her feather art, which seems to sell better anyway. Her booth, as usual, looked incredibly professional with its solid gray panel walls and other display components.

When Steve joined us, we walked the show together. It was huge. About 75% of the booths were open at 10 AM; they were all open by the time I walked it a second time more than an hour later. In general, the quality of the work on display was pretty darn good, although there were a few too many buy-and-sell vendors. (Honestly, I counted four vendors selling the same damn ceramic garlic grater under different names.) I should mention here that there were actually three shows: the main show Janet was part of and two much smaller “scab” shows that set up nearby to grab the same crowd. And there was quite a crowd; by noon the place was really buzzing with shoppers.

Fountain Hills Show
Here’s a look down the Main Street of booths. You can see the fountain in the distance.

I came very close to buying a mobile of fish made from silverware but controlled myself. I did, however, buy a refrigerator magnet of a Volkswagen Beetle for a bug owner friend of mine. I got some ideas about displaying my own jewelry at shows and a few ideas for making various jewelry pieces.

After walking the show twice, Penny and I took a walk around the “lake.” Fountain Hills is famous for its fountain, which is one of the tallest in the world and goes off every hour on the hour (weather permitting). I used to take my helicopter passengers to see it if the timing was right on one of my Salt River tours out of Deer Valley or Falcon Field years ago. I saw it shoot off twice that day. The walkway around the lake — which is really just a big pond holding water for the fountain — was 1.2 miles long and we did it at a brisk pace.

Fountain at Fountain Hills
The fountain at Fountain Hills around midday on Sunday, February 24.

Penny, by the way, had become quite a celebrity. Several people wanted photos of her. Others called her Toto. Too many asked what kind of dog she was. I finally told them she was a Quincy Terrier and let it go at that.

It was nearly 2 PM when I was done with Fountain Hills. I said goodbye to Janet and Steve and headed back to the truck.

Back to Gilbert

Meanwhile, I had been in touch with Jan and Tiffani, my friends in Gilbert. Jan was recovered from his cold. They wanted me to visit. Tiffani put out two carrots: a shower and laundry. How could I resist?

On the way to their house, I stopped at Sprouts and Trader Joe’s to stock up on a few items I was unlikely to find elsewhere. Sprouts had those Cutie oranges I’m addicted to for just $1.99/bag. I bought two bags.

Poolside
Lounging poolside. Tiffani was amazed at how good my pedicure looked after six weeks. I still didn’t like the color of my nails.

Penny & Ruby
Penny and her friend Ruby joined me on the lounge chair after a while. It was a perfect day to relax outdoors.

When I got to their place, they weren’t there. They, like so many of the people who lived in the Phoenix area, had gone for a closer look at the snow. Now they were stuck in rodeo traffic in Apache Junction. They texted me the combination to their door. I went in, checked on their dogs and cats, threw in a load of wash, and then retired to poolside where I very nearly fell asleep in the sun.

When they got back, we relaxed together and separately while watching and not watching the Oscars. Jan had gotten the 16-inch telescope we’d gone to look at during my January visit. He’d had his backyard observatory modified and a mount installed for it. Now he was working on calibration. Tiffani liked to spend evenings on the back patio, reading on her tablet. While I watched the Oscars and followed it on Twitter, the two of them came in and out, mostly to refill their wine glasses.

When it was all over, Jan bought The Favorite on Apple TV and Tiffani and I watched it. I agree that the actress who played Queen Anne deserved an Oscar. But what a disturbing movie!

The Corvette
Jan’s Corvette.

The next day, Jan went to work and Tiffani and I ran errands. We started off in Jan’s Corvette, which Tiffani told me to drive since she doesn’t like driving on freeways. We dropped Penny off to be groomed at PetCo. Along the way, the car was making a weird rattling noise, like something was banging around by the front driver’s side tire. Tiffani said she thought they’d had that fixed.

So we took the car home and she called an Uber to take us to Scottsdale. We picked up medicine for her cat, than walked a half mile to a restaurant I’d eaten in the previous year, The Mission, which is in touristy Old Scottsdale.

Along the way, Tiffani explained the difference between tourists and tourons. They were easy to distinguish; tourons act like idiots, blocking the sidewalks so they can get photos of themselves in front of things like cactuses.

Dessert
Pumpkin bread pudding with ice cream.

We had an excellent lunch at the Mission, eating outside on the covered patio. I highly recommend it, especially the guacamole made table side by someone who apparently makes guacamole all day. Tiffani tried to get the server to give her the check, telling her it was my birthday. I denied it and begged for the check since Tiffani was Ubering us all over the valley. The server compromised: she gave me the check but also gave me a free dessert for my birthday. (For the record, my birthday is in June.)

From there, we took another Uber to PetCo to pick up Penny and then back to Tiffani’s house. I promptly went into the bedroom for a nap and managed to sleep through their Chinese takeout dinner, which was okay because I was completely stuffed from my huge lunch.

I should mention here that the main reason I was staying a second day is because I had applied for an art show in Litchfield Park and the woman who was in charge kept promising she’d be in touch to let me know if she had room for me. This had been going on for two weeks now and the show’s setup date was the upcoming Friday. I’d called and emailed her several times and although she never replied to the email, she made only promises of future contact on the phone. I didn’t want to nag her, but I also didn’t want to be 100 miles away when she finally called and told me she had room for me. So I was delaying in the Phoenix area just in case she got her act together and called. But it didn’t seem like that would happen and I was pretty much done waiting.

We had another relaxing evening together and apart. Jan showed me the Orion Nebula through the telescope and I couldn’t help but wonder how incredible the view would be if he had darker skies. Tiffani read her book on the patio. I watched jewelry making videos on their ginormous TV.

In the morning, I stripped the bed and threw the sheets into the washer with the last of my laundry. Jan made us breakfast. By 9 AM, they were leaving. By 9:30 AM, the guest room bed was remade and I was stepping out the front door with my laundry. I locked up and headed out for the next stage of my travels: more roughing it along the Colorado River.