Teacher Arrested at Airport

Another story forwarded to me via e-mail that’s worth sharing.

If anyone knows the original source of this piece, please let me know so I can provide proper credit or, if necessary, remove it from the site.

Teacher Arrested at Airport

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, “Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

Birdwatching at Grand Canyon

The three condors of the day.

Actually, there were four. But since the subtitle matches the photo and it’s a great play on words, I couldn’t resist. But now I’m getting ahead of myself.

I had a Grand Canyon charter yesterday. It was a pleasant surprise. Wickenburg is pretty much dead this time of year, so getting a call from someone who wants to fly up to the big ditch for a day isn’t actually expect. Of course, this person doesn’t live in Wickenburg. He’s visiting someone here. This would be a day trip during the visit.

I had three passengers — two adults and an 8-year-old girl — and they were extremely pleasant people. (I can say that honestly about the vast majority of my charter passengers.) They wanted a helicopter tour over the canyon, but since I can’t do that, I fixed them up with Grand Canyon Helicopters, which flies new EC 130 helicopters. After that, the plan was to go into the park and spend a few hours on lunch, walking along the rim, etc. I wasn’t in a hurry to get back to Wickenburg. At the Grand Canyon’s south rim, it would be 85°F. In Wickenburg, it would be over 100°. My helicopter does not have air conditioning.

We left Wickenburg at 8 AM sharp and had an extremely cool and pleasant flight up to Grand Canyon Airport. We walked over to GC Helicopter’s terminal and my passengers checked in. I waited with them until they boarded their flight, then left to place a fuel order and do some scavenging for brochures I needed for the info packets on my Southwest Circle Helicopter Adventure package. My passengers had selected the long tour of the east side — which really is the best tour of the canyon and well worth the money (if you can afford it) — so I had plenty of time. Still, I was back at the terminal reading a paperback when their flight came in.

We took the Xantera shuttle into the park. It took almost as long to get through the entrance gates as it had taken to fly up there. (Okay, so I’m exaggerating. It took an hour and fifteen minutes to fly up there and forty-five minutes to get through though the gates.) I took them through Bright Angel Lodge to the Rim. I pointed out where they could find restaurants, bathrooms, shops, and rim trails. Then I left them on their own until 4:30.

I grabbed some lunch in the Arizona Room. It’s a crime that they put so much food on your plate there. No wonder Americans are obese. I ate about a quarter of what I was served and drank two full glasses of iced tea in an attempt to ward off dehydration without drinking local tap water. Outside, things were much more interesting than the food on my plate. The condors were flying.

The Grand Canyon has been home to a group of California Condors for some time now. Once on the verge of extinction, the condors were reintroduced to the canyon and are reproducing. They spend their summers at the South Rim and their winters at the Vermillon Cliffs area, about 80 or so miles to the northeast, not far from Page.

The birds are amazing, primarily because of their size: they can have a wingspan up to 9-1/2 feet.

To see a bird like this in soaring flight is something not to be missed. And I was sitting in a restaurant in front of too much food while the show was going on outside.

I left the restaurant.

Outside, the condors had stopped flying. I walked west along the rim, hoping to catch a glimpse of them in the canyon. What I found was even better: two of them were perched on the wall at the edge of the canyon at the Lookout Studio.

The lookout studio is a stone building at the edge of canyon. It’s a gift shop that sells a lot of rocks and t-shirts. You can walk through the building onto a back patio. From there, you can follow steps down to a series of lower patios. The birds were perched on the lowest patio’s surrounding wall with a crowd of people remarkably close to them.

Three California CondorsI took a photo from the rim, then moved in closer. Another photo. Closer. Another photo. Through the building to the edge of the first patio. There were three of them now. Another photo. Down the first flight of stairs. There were four of them now, although one of them was hiding behind a tree. Another photo. Closer. Another photo. I was 15 feet away now, on the outskirts of a crowd. I watched as a young girl who didn’t look much bigger than the birds, got within 5 feet of them to take a photo with her disposable camera. One of the birds was watching her closely, with beady little eyes. I think he was imagining how she would taste.

Now matter how beautiful condors look in flight, they’re downright ugly when on the ground. They look like vultures — very big, very ugly vultures. It was interesting to watch them watch the literally dozens of people around them. They were obviously as entertained by us as we were of them. The only difference is, they didn’t have cameras.

From the moment I first saw them, I wondered where the ranger was. With wildlife this close, there had to be a ranger nearby. Well, the ranger arrived late to the show. As he came down the steps, he said, “Sorry folks, but I’m going to have to chase these boys away. Can’t have them getting used to people.”

Somebody made a comment that I didn’t hear. The ranger replied, “You want them closer? Just lie down here and play dead.” That, of course, was a reference to a condor’s favorite food: dead animals.

California Condor in FlightThen he clapped his hands gently a few times while walking forward. The birds jumped off the cliff and into flight.

That’s when the real show began. The four birds flew together in a group, soaring through the sky, climbing and circling. The only camera I had with me was the little Canyon PowerShot I keep in my purse, but it was enough. I got a few photos of the birds in flight. This was far more interesting than watching birds and tourists stare at each other on the patio.

California Condor in FlightThroughout the rest of the day, I kept my eye out for the condors. I caught sight of them a few times when I returned from a short hike and settled down in the grass near Bright Angel Lodge. I was lying back on the grass, looking through the leaves of the tree over my head, when they flew by.

I was thrilled to overhear a young boy tell his mother that the difference between a vulture and a condor was that the condors had white on the bottom of their wings. I’m sure that’s oversimplified, but who cares? The kid was looking at wildlife, thinking about it, showing real interest and stating his observations. I overheard a lot of little things like that, things that showed that kids were getting something positive out of their trip to the canyon and view of nature.

My passengers found me a while later. It was just after 3 PM, but they were pooped and ready to go. We relaxed a while in the shade, then called for the shuttle, climbed aboard, and went back to the airport. A while later, we were on our way back to Wickenburg. I caught sight of the Grand Canyon Railroad’s steam engine and train on its way back to Williams and did a flyby for my passengers. Then, to make the return flight a little more interesting, I flew over Prescott and down the Hassayampa River. We were back in Wickenburg by 5 PM.

It had been a nice day out for all of us. But then again, how many days that include flying are not nice days?

helicopter, Grand Canyon, condor, California Condor

A PC Laptop

I had to buy a new PC.

Although I’m primarily a Mac person, I also write about Windows. (This was a good thing a few years back when the future of the Mac was in question.) In fact, nearly half my books are either Windows only or cross-platform.

While other writers claim that they can write Windows books while running Windows emulation software on their Mac, I think they’re nuts if they do. PCs aren’t terribly expensive and it isn’t as if you have to buy a new one every year. The Dell Dimension desktop computer I used while working on the WordPress book is at least four years old now. It runs Windows XP and all the current versions of the software I write about — Excel, Word, and Quicken. It also does a fine job with the few Windows-only software packages I actually use, like the software to update my handheld Garmin GPS, the software to update the Garmin GPS in my helicopter, and…uh, I guess that’s it. My Mac really does just about everything I need it to do.

But now I’m gearing up to write about the upcoming version of Microsoft Office. I have at least two titles to update, possibly four. It depends on sales and what the powers-that-be at Peachpit decide.

One thing’s for sure, though: they want the book written about software running on Vista. And my old Dell desktop would roll over and drop dead if I got a Vista beta anywhere near it.

It’s unfortunate. I was hoping to get away with another cheap computer. But because of the processor, memory, and graphics memory demands, I had to buy a “hearty” computer. One that’s above midrange.

And I’d already decided that all of my new test mules — which is what this computer really is — would be laptops. Why? So I could take them on the road and not be tied to my office when I’m working on a book.

Besides, laptops take up less room, usually make less noise, and are easier to keep clean.

I settled on a Dell Latitude D820 laptop, partially loaded. Extra RAM, the faster processor, the better graphics processor, the better monitor. Wireless networking and Bluetooth built in. DVD player/CD writer. Heck, I don’t remember what else it has. It’s way more loaded than I wanted it to be, but I needed it like that. And I paid for it — believe me.

But with luck, I’ll get it to last me five years.

It arrived today and is sitting in a box on a chair by the door. I haven’t decided if I’m going to take it home and fiddle with it over the weekend. I have a Grand Canyon helicopter charter tomorrow and we’re hoping to go up to Howard Mesa to work on the electrical system on Sunday. That doesn’t leave much time for Windows brand frustration.

But maybe I’ll take it home anyway, just so Mike can look at it. He’s a Windows guy and might actually enjoy playing with it.

Now if only Cliff would get those contracts together for me so I can pay for this darn thing.

Dell, laptop, Vista, Windows

“Quiche”

A side dish that turned into a main course.

We were going to have steak for dinner. Mike had bought two “beautiful” (I haven’t seen them) rib eyes at Albertson’s on his way home on Wednesday. I needed to make something to go with them and I didn’t feel like a trip to the store.

One thing we always have a lot of these days is eggs. With 8 hens, we normally get 5 to 7 eggs a day. Alex eats an egg every morning and sometimes Mike will have 2 or 3 (they’re generally smaller than average). And I’ll have 1 or 2 once in a while. Otherwise, we wind up giving quite a few away. Basically, if you hand us an empty egg carton, you’ll get it back a short time later with a dozen eggs in it.

I thought about that Bisquick quiche I used to make and tracked down the recipe in my stack of clippings. The recipe called for only 3 eggs; I wanted to use more. And the recipe said nothing about vegetables; I had a bunch in the freezer that I wanted to use up. So I improvised. The following is my approximate recipe; it actually turned out quite good. And when Mike got home with a headache, we had the quiche for dinner so he didn’t have to go out in the heat to grill the steaks.

Ingredients

  • 5 eggs. Remember, mine are small; if you buy large or jumbo eggs, 4 would probably be enough.
  • 1/2 cup Bisquick
  • 1/4 cup melted butter. The recipe called for 1/2 cup, but I think that’s too way much. It makes the final product greasy.
  • 1/2 cup milk. The recipe called for 1-1/2 cups, but I wanted to get rid of eggs, not milk.
  • 2-3 cups frozen (or fresh) chopped vegetables. I used asparagus, chopped spinach, and a potato/onion/pepper blend. I let them defrost for about a half hour on the countertop before I mixed them in.
  • 1/2 cup shredded cheese. The recipe calls for a full cup, but I thought that was too much. Also the recipe calls for cheddar, but I didn’t have cheddar so I used Havarti with dill.

The recipe also called for bacon, but since we were going to eat it with steak, I left that out.

Directions

  1. In a large bowl, beat eggs.
  2. Mix in the Bisquick, melted butter, and milk. Stir until blended.
  3. Add the vegetables and stir well.
  4. Pour the mixture into a lightly greased pie pan. (I used olive oil spray to spray the bottom of the pan before I poured the mixture in.)
  5. Sprinkle the cheese over the top of the mixture.
  6. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes at 350°F. Quiche is done when it begins to brown and crack along the top.
  7. Eat while hot.

The magic of this recipe is that the Bisquick automatically creates its own crust. And, between the olive oil spray and the butter in the mix, it did not stick to my glass pie pan. It made a nice meal.