Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

I think…therefore I’m dangerous.

Welcoming a Vaccine Mandate

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I share some thoughts about how Washington’s upcoming vaccine mandate may affect my participation in an art show.

Custer's Arts & Crafts
The Christmas Arts & Crafts shows are just two of the shows Jim Custer Enterprises produces.

Yesterday, I got an email from Jim Custer Enterprises, a Spokane-based company that manages arts and crafts and other shows in Washington state. I’m signed up to participate in two of their holiday art shows in November this year. The email was related to a vaccine mandate going into effect on November 15, 2021 for all indoor events to be attended by more than 1,000 people.

My History with Custer Shows

This will be the first time I’m attending any of Custer’s shows. I had originally applied to one of their shows way back in spring of 2019 but my application was late and they were already full. I applied again for the November 2019 shows and was waitlisted. Undaunted, I applied again for their two spring 2020 shows and was accepted. But then Covid came along and both shows were cancelled. The November 2020 shows were also cancelled. So were the spring 2021 shows.

But the November 2021 shows were not cancelled and my previous acceptance got me in without going through the whole reapplication process.

There are two shows — one in Pasco and one in Spokane — and both are indoors. Most of the artists I know in the area are familiar with the shows and several from Leavenworth’s Village Art in the Park, where I sell my jewelry a few times each year, are going to both of them. They say good things. I was slightly concerned when I learned that the shows had an admission fee — it seems to me that less people will attend if they have to pay a fee to get in — but I suspect that if people are willing to pay to attend, they’re also more likely to buy. I’d rather have X number of serious shoppers than X times 5 number of browsers who are coming to waste time (theirs or mine) or look for ideas for their own work.

Because both of the upcoming shows are in November, they are holiday shows full of gift buyers. I’ve been spending the past week making jewelry and, will continue to do so right up until November 3 when I have to pack for the Pasco show. It would be a crying shame if I ran short on inventory and I’ll do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. These two shows are the last two I’ve got scheduled for 2021, so I want them to be successful. As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, 2021 is the year that ML Jewelry Designs will finally turn a profit — after years of investing in equipment, materials, and education and taking a big hit from Covid closures in 2020. These shows will be my last chance to make that profit big.

The Vaccine Mandate

The email message I got from Custer talked about a vaccine mandate that I was not aware of that takes effect on November 15 and how it may affect the Spokane show. It started like this:

We are sending this email today to bring you updated Covid-19 protocol information. Last Friday, Washington State Governor Jay Inslee announced a new Vaccine Mandate that is going into effect on November 15, 2021. If you are an artist in both our Pasco and Spokane Shows, this mandate only applies to the Spokane Show since it will take place four days after the mandate goes into effect.

It then went on to provide exact wording from the mandate:

Everyone over the age of 12 must show proof of Covid-19 vaccination (verified by CDC record cards, photo of the card, printed certificate or screenshot from MyIRMobile.com or other immunization records from health providers) to attend the event OR show proof of a negative Covid-19 test taken within 72 hours of the event.

It then explained how the mandate affected the show and reminded artists that if they have not been vaccinated yet, their only current option is the one-shot Johnson & Johnson vaccine, since there isn’t enough time now to get both shots of either the Pfizer or Moderna vaccines prior to the show. If the artist did not want to get the vaccine at all, he/she would have a very narrow window to get the Covid-19 test and prove negative results prior to the show — and testing is backed up in Spokane right now.

(Honestly, I think that anyone who makes a living participating in art shows who is not vaccinated is a total idiot — how can they risk regular exposure to so many people without protection? But hey, I believe in science and I think the “personal freedom” argument is a lot of bullshit fed to gullible people incapable of their own thought by manipulative “conservatives” in their never-ending efforts to divide Americans into Us vs. Them.)

Expected Trouble

The email includes the following, which also came to my mind:

If you are wondering how this will affect attendance, we are in the same boat. There will be people who will be frustrated and upset by the mandate who will make it political. There will also be people who will feel more comfortable attending because of the mandate. At this point, we are so happy to be having any show that we will take what we can get! Truly, it’s better than last year when there was no show at all. The people that will be there, will be ready to buy! There’s no doubt about that.

First of all, I have to admit that I will feel a lot more comfortable participating in a show with this new mandate in effect. I had the less effective J&J vaccine — which was the only one available when I went to be vaccinated at the end of March — and am not sure if I’ll be able to get a booster prior to the show. I’m terrified of becoming a breakthrough case — two of my vaccinated neighbors got it from a vaccinated employee who tested negative three times before a positive test result. That tells me that I can’t put 100% of my faith in either vaccines or tests. Despite that, I feel a lot safer knowing that everyone attending will either be vaccinated or have gotten a negative test. While this does not eliminate the risk (in my mind, anyway), it does greatly reduce it.

I should also reiterate here that I’m not worried about dying of Covid-19. I’m worried about long-term effects that could possibly reduce my quality of living for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, both shows — Pasco (to be held pre-mandate) and Spokane — are in the red side of our blue state. That means many folks have bought into the “conservative freedoms” argument for not getting vaccinated. Never mind that vaccines for polio, smallpox, measles, mumps, rubella, shingles, tetanus, and flu have been either required or widely available and used with little or no side effects for decades. These people have been convinced that their personal freedoms are being threatened by Covid-19 vaccine mandates and that it’s their “God-given Constitutional right” to refuse a vaccine that has the potential to save their life or at least help them avoid a serious, contagious virus.

So I suspect there will be a lot of push back including, but not limited to arguments at the gate. Violence would not surprise me. I hope Custer hires a good security outfit.

I also suspect that folks will be using — or trying to use — fake vaccine cards. I sure hope they’re caught. I believe they should be arrested, but I suspect they’ll just be turned away. If they’re caught at all.

Will folks who, like me, are worried about Covid be more likely to attend? I sure hope so. I’d honestly prefer selling my work to like-minded folks. I’m sick and tired of listening to anti-vax whiners moaning about their freedoms while putting my health at risk.

Meanwhile, I have to admit to hoping that a few angry, idiotic artists back out of the show in some sort of protest. First of all, I don’t need two work among people like that. And second, well, less competition.

It’s Business

In the meantime, I have a lot of sympathy and respect for the folks at Jim Custer Enterprises. These people make their living producing shows and everyone I’ve spoken to about them agrees that they are good people. I can imagine how having to cancel shows for a year and a half must have affected their business. No income for that period! It’s a wonder they’ve been able to survive at all.

It’s this closing paragraph that sums up their situation to me (emphasis added):

As we wrote in our cover letter when you first applied, flexibility is the key to your successful show participation this year. We are in a global pandemic and it is not over. Yes, everyone has an opinion about it. However, as business owners of a company who brings together large numbers of people, we will continue to trust the science and comply with whatever mandates will help the shows go on.

No matter how the show turns out, it’s a real pleasure to do business with an organization that not only thinks like this, but isn’t afraid to make their thoughts on the matter public.

Please Don’t Expect Me to Teach You for Free

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Why do strangers expect me to share my time and knowledge with them for free?

I’ve been making jewelry for a bunch of years now and have expanded my skillset from the wire-framed cabochon pendants I began with to all kinds of silversmithing work. Along the way, I developed my skills by watching videos, attending hands-on classes, and practicing what I’ve learned. I’ve also invested literally thousands of dollars in equipment and materials.

This is not a “side gig,” as someone once suggested. It’s a real business with income and expenses. I was on track to be profitable (after all that training and equipment) in 2020 — until COVID hit. I’ll likely turn a profit this year.

Understand that I am self employed with several sources of income. Jewelry making is one of them. Making YouTube videos is another. Flying helicopters during the summer months is yet another. So when someone expects me to share my hard-earned skills with them without compensation, I bristle.

Getting My Skills

My jewelry making skillset began through watching a few videos about wire-wrapping stones. In hindsight, I realize that those videos did more harm than good. One of them actually recommended using hardware store pliers, which have ridges for gripping that seriously scratch metal. The finished pieces I created looked just as amateurish as the pieces in the videos. I fooled myself into being satisfied with them.

Montana Agate first Piece
The first true wire-framed pendant I made in sterling silver. Many thanks to Dorothy for sharing her knowledge with me.

But I was lucky in that I had a friend who did much nicer work and volunteered to teach me. We sat down together and I made my first piece in real silver using her technique. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. We were in Quartzsite and she was renting a far-less-than-perfect single-wide mobile home in a trailer park while working for a lapidary who was set up at Desert Gardens. We did it at the kitchen table one evening with a lamp brought over to provide the light we needed. She was very patient. That first pendant took two hours to make.

Bumble Bee Jasper
I made this Bumble Bee Jasper pendant this past weekend while sitting in my booth at the art show; it sold the same day. I can now make a pendant like this in about 30 minutes if I’m not interrupted.

I was happy with my first effort, but looking at it now reminds me of how far I’ve come. My style has changed significantly over the years. I now wrap all of my bails for a cleaner (in my opinion) look and work hard to cover the stone as little as possible. I’ve made (and sold) hundreds of these pendants over the past three and a half years and I’ve since moved on to other things.

I should make something very clear here. I never asked Dorothy to teach me how to make pendants. She offered to do it. She wouldn’t take my money, either — even though she’d provided the sterling silver for that first pendant. But I wasn’t satisfied to let it rest. I called up Rio Grande, the jewelry supply company she introduced me to, and asked them to put $50 on her account for her to use the next time she bought something. A sort of gift certificate. Months later, she found that credit and thanked me for it. But the way I see it, I still owe her.

The trouble with wire work is that it’s seen as an inferior form of jewelry making. I’m not sure why. While some wire work — like what I’d started doing on my own — can be pretty crappy, there’s other work that is far more polished and professional. Still, when you apply for a juried art show and the only thing you’ve got to show is wire work, prejudices keep you out, no matter how polished it looks. I needed to take my jewelry making to the next step.

That said, I signed up for a 3-day intensive metalworking class at the Tacoma Metal Arts Center. This was not a cheap undertaking. The class itself cost $375 and I had to get myself over to Tacoma, which is about a 4-hour drive. I also had to get lodging for myself; I lucked out there because they let me park my truck camper in their back parking area every night. I’ve since taken two other classes through TMAC, including a blacksmithing class in Eatonville.

Hammered Earrings
These silver earrings are entirely handmade, right up to the ear wire. (Only the beads are purchased.) I started with silver sheet metal and cut the earring and “washer” shapes. Next came hammering and stamping the texture. Then I applied a patina and used various tools to rub it off the high points. Finally, I created the ear wire with the quartz and silver beads.

I learned a ton there although few of the skills were polished enough to use right afterwards. I had to practice. I started producing different styles of earrings, using the metal forming skills I learned. Soldering, at first, was a stumbling block, but I (mostly) got past it. I began making tab-mounted, then prong mounted, and finally bezel set cabochon pendants.

I also decided to take the deep dive into jewelry making by investing in equipment. A flex shaft. A rolling mill. A table-top metal shear. Hammers and dapping sets. Mandrels. A vice. A grinder. Bench blocks. Finishing tools. Soldering station equipment. The list — and the related costs — go on and on. But if there’s one smart thing my wasband ever said (again and again), it’s “Every job is easy when you have the right tools.” I invested in the tools I needed to explore my design ideas and get the job done.

And I took more classes. In January/February 2020, before COVID hit hard, I signed up for 5 Vivi Magoo classes at the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show. That meant an investment in close to $2,000 on just skills. And $250 for a site in a campground nearby — rather than the $250/night cost of a room at the hotel where the classes were being held. I learned more advanced techniques by actually doing them. The skills I brought home enabled me to come up with new designs and take my work to the next level. I was able to get into most of the juried art shows I applied to — the ones in Palm Springs remain elusive — and to sell my work at shows and in galleries.

Still, I continue to this day to take classes — I just signed up for one in Tucson this coming February — and to hone my skills with new designs.

Sharing My Knowledge

About two years ago, before COVID hit, I did some one-on-one and classroom training. In most cases, it was project based: I’d teach people how to make something I made, including wire-framed pendants, chain bracelets and necklaces, and a variety of metal formed earrings.

Understand that I’ve always been paid to share my knowledge with others. Whether I did one-on-one training at Pybus Market when I sold pendants there or taught small groups at a booth in Quartzsite, AZ in the winter or did classroom training at Gallery One in Ellensburg, I was compensated for my time and the materials I provided to class attendees.

The only exception is when one of my neighbors wanted a copper cuff bracelet like the ones I make out of copper pipe. I invited her over to my shop and the two of us hammered out a pair of bracelets. She is my friend and she takes care of my cats and chickens when I travel. It was a pleasure to be able to teach her how to make her own bracelet and I think she values it more than if I just gave her one. There’s something special about having a hand in making something you wear.

A Stranger Emails

In an effort to generate some off-season revenue before I head south for the winter — as I normally do — I placed a few Craig’s List ads offering my services as a jewelry maker to teach people how to make some of the things I make and sell. The ads go under the heading of “Learn to Make these Earrings!” etc. They basically show a photo or two of the project item and skills they’ll learn while making it. There’s a cost with a discount if more than one person attends. I’d link to them, but chances are they will have expired by the time most people read this. Here’s a screen shot of the start of one:

Learn to Make Earrings
This is the first pair of earrings I designed and made; ironically, they remain one of my most popular styles.

I also have an ad for general jewelry making where I offer to teach anything I know using any of my equipment for $50/hour/person with a 2-hour minimum. This is for someone who has an idea of what they want to learn but doesn’t necessarily want to do one of my projects.

On Thursday, I got an email forwarded by Craigs List, referring to one of my project-based ads:

Hi:

Saw your post on CL, and I watched your YT video, nice shop.

I am semi-retired and live in [redacted] and process roughs from a local source. I would like to learn how to make jewelry, and I also interested in perhaps contracting with you for some consulting.

In my garage/shop, I have a commercial grade vibratory tumbler, and 3 large rotary tumblers, a 6-inch Hi-Tech saw, and flat lap, a Gryphon router, and the necessary tools, and most of the supplies for making jewelry. Oh yeah, and about 400 lbs of roughs, and about 200 lbs of finished stones (I’ve been tumbling since 2016).

I also had a professional website built in January of 2021 but I have not really given it the focus it needs, in part because I want to add jewelry to the product line.
[redacted]

While I am a life-long (closet) artist, my devotion has been to pencil & paper, otherwise I was a [redacted] in [redacted] for [redacted].

I want help organizing my shop, so that I can make jewelry here in [redacted]. I have also been toying with the idea of hiring a part-time employee to make jewelry from my processed stones, and would enjoy a second opinion.

Best regards,

[redacted name and phone number]

(By the way, here’s the shop video he’s referring to. It gives you some idea of my investment in equipment.)

I have redacted some identifying information because it’s not my purpose to identify and/or shame this person. It doesn’t really matter who it is, does it? I’ll just point out here that, like me, his primary career was not in any way related to art or jewelry making. This is something pretty new for him.

I looked at his website. It was very pretty. It had a lot of pictures of tumbled stones and a lot of the usual nonsense about spirituality and vibrations and the meanings of rocks. It did not seem to actually sell anything.

I re-read his message. He is basically a rock tumbler — he polishes rough stones by putting them in a barrel with different grits and letting the barrel run for weeks on end. Anyone can tumble rocks — hell, Amazon sells a kit that’ll get a 10-year-old kid started in no time for just $59. The only thing that impressed me about his equipment was that he was set up to tumble a lot of rocks.

(Maybe I should mention here that you can buy tumbled rocks by the handful or little bagful from a lot of gift shops out west for $5. Here’s 2 pounds of the stuff with a book about rocks for $20.)

I don’t use tumbled rocks in my work. The only stones I use are cabochons, which require different equipment and a lot more time and effort to make. Cabochons have flat backs and domed fronts. They’re often in regular shapes, like ovals and teardrops, but can be more randomly shaped, depending on the skills and artistic ideas of the lapidary who makes them.

I thought for a while about how I would answer this guy’s message. I even toyed with the idea of hooking him up with someone who did the kind of wire wrap work I started with. But in the end I decided to give him what he seemed to be asking for: advice.

I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. I was busy this weekend selling my work at Art in the Park in Leavenworth.

I don’t think I can help you. I don’t use tumbled stones in my work at all. I use cabochons, which are best for the kind of stone setting I do.

As for an opinion: if you hired someone to make jewelry for you, the money you pay that person would have to be added to the cost of the jewelry, along with the materials used to make the jewelry.

You have to consider how much you could sell the jewelry for. Have you visited shops selling the kind of jewelry you want to make? Have you seen the prices on that jewelry? Can you discern whether it’s actually selling at those prices?

As you may have already surmised, having a “professional website” does not mean you’ll be able to sell a lot of product. Everyone has a website these days. You’d do better attending art or craft shows or setting up wholesale or consignment accounts. All that costs money, too. And, after spending a total of 30 hours in Leavenworth this weekend, with six hours of commuting and the cost of the booth fee, my tent, and display equipment to factor in, I can assure you that shows take a lot of time, energy, and money to sell at. Wholesale accounts expect to pay 50% of retail; consignment these days wants 35% to 40% of the selling price. Selling costs are real and need to be figured into any calculation.

Is the selling price minus cost of sales and cost of creation worthwhile for you?

These are the things you need to think objectively about. I hope this has been helpful to you.

Apparently, I misunderstood what he wanted. He didn’t want “a second opinion,” which I read as advice. He replied within 24 hours:

Thank you for your response. The business part I understand, the mechanics of jewelry making is my present interest.

Like yourself, I also do shows. I’ll be at the [redacted] Farmers Market this [redacted]. I do it because it’s a great chance to interact with the community, and I am test-marketing new products, some of which I purchase from Amazon, and resell.

I do have a rock saw, a sander and dop station, and can make cabochons myself.

However to speed things up, I’m in the process of determining whether I want a Cab King or a 6-inch Covington combo unit. I realize the lead times on these are significant but I am not deterred.

So, with that said, would consider teaching me how to make jewelry?

Regards,

[redacted]

Whoa. There was a lot to unpack there.

I bristled big time when I read, “like yourself, I do shows.” (And it wasn’t the grammar that got me.) He has no fucking idea what “doing shows” is all about if he’s limited to a 4-hour local farmer’s market. Has he carted a tent, leg weights, tables, table coverings, displays, etc. all over the southwest, spending hours to set up and tear down booths at venues in three (so far) different states? Has he dealt with trying to sell inside a tent in the cold or heat or rain? Having to go to the bathroom when there’s no one around to watch your merchandise while you wait in line at a port-a-potty? Has he even dealt with the jurying process, paying a fee just to see if his work is good enough to get into a show?

Okay, fine. But then there’s the farmers’ market itself. I’d been talking to a customer about that particular farmers’ market over the weekend. The customer suggested it to me. I tried to kindly explain why I wasn’t interested, focusing on the fact that setting up my booth for a 4-hour event was just not practical. The real reason was the fact that most farmers’ markets are not juried — that means there’s no assurance that I’d be showing my work with other people selling real art. You might think that’s a good thing, but when you’re trying to sell silver and gemstone pendants for $59 each and sterling silver earrings for $39 a pair, it really isn’t good to be among people selling junk jewelry for a lot less money.

And then there was his admission that he buys stuff on Amazon and sells it at the farmers’ market. Holy shit. That is a mortal sin in the world of art shows. I guess it’s okay if you just want to turn a few bucks, but if you want to be and represent yourself as an artist? My opinion of him dropped a few levels when I read that.

And I became very glad I didn’t waste my time at that farmers’ market.

As for buying a Cab King (which I own) or Covington Combo Unit and thinking you can make great cabochons cost effectively right out of the gate, I can tell you from experience that it just isn’t going to happen. When I make my own cabochons — which I occasionally do — I spend roughly an hour or more of time on every single one of them. I have come to realize that my time is worth a lot more than I could get for it by making cabochons, so I’ve decided to simply buy most of the cabochons I use. My collection is quite extensive at this point, with over 800 stones from all over the world, and I have no trouble selling them for considerably more than their cost on the rare instances when someone wants to buy one. My art is in the jewelry I make — not the raw materials I make it with.

Anyway, I was able to answer his request with a much shorter email. After all, it seemed that he wanted me to teach him how to make jewelry. Sure, I could do that:

Yes, I have a Craig’s List ad that offers that service.
https://wenatchee.craigslist.org/art/d/malaga-learn-to-make-fine-jewelry/7383971485.html

I can basically teach how to make almost anything that I make.

Maria

The link would take him to my ad about teaching jewelry making for $50/hour with a 2-hour minimum. If he wanted me to teach him how to make jewelry, he, like almost everyone else I’d taught over the past few years, would have to open his wallet and pay me for my time, knowledge, and equipment.

That was three days ago. I’m still waiting for his response.

Isn’t It Worth Something?

This is the same crap I’ve been dealing with for years in all of my freelance work: writing books and articles, flying helicopters, editing video, making jewelry. I have skills and equipment — sometimes very costly equipment — do you know what costs to buy and maintain a helicopter? — and someone expects me to share these things for free.

These are the tools I use to make a living. Any job I do requires my skills and equipment and the most valuable thing I have to offer: my time. Why the hell should I be expected to give this stuff away? To a stranger, no less?

In hindsight, I’m sorry I spent so much time answering his original email message. I gave him information based on my experience and I used my time to share it with him. What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn’t I realize from the get-go that he was just another person trying to squeeze something of value out of me, likely for free?

Anyway, I don’t expect to hear from him again, unless he’s going to try to trade me training time for some of his rocks.

I bet you can guess how that suggestion would go with me.

Some Thoughts on Self-Awareness

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I give some thought to the meaning of self-awareness after a discussion with a friend.

If you’ve been following this blog, you know that I ended my big Great Loop boat trip three weeks early because of a personality conflict with the other crew member. You can read about the trip on the blog I created for all of my Great Loop endeavors; this post gives you a list in date order of each daily blog post from the trip. If you don’t feel like reading a ton, read the posts for Day 34 and Day 35, which sum up the situation once it came to a head. (I won’t go into a lot of detail about the actual problem here since that’s not the purpose of this post.)

Sharing the Problem

Conversation
A text discussion I had with a good friend back in August, not long after I started my trip. (To my knowledge, he did not kill anyone in Oregon. And yes, I used a decibel meter on my phone to see exactly how loud my roommate’s snoring was.)

In general, I wrote very little in the blog about the problem as it was developing. I didn’t want to sound to readers like a whiner. I wanted the blog to be a useful tool for others contemplating their own trip on the Great Loop. I wanted to provide valuable information about navigation, stops, and facilities along the way. I wanted to share data that might be useful in trip planning — and to remind me what we did right, what we did wrong, and what I might want to do on my own journey.

But I did write quite a bit about the problem in texts to friends as it was happening. And one of those text conversations stuck in my mind because of something my friend said. He used the phrase self-awareness and I realized that I’d never really given that concept much thought. So on Wednesday afternoon, when I realized I wasn’t going to get any more real work done in my garage, I dug through my messages and found the conversation. I’ve shared it here so you can see the discussion in context.

(Do I care if the problem crew member reads this? Not one damn bit. The way I see it, it could help her learn something about herself to make her less of a problem in the future. But I seriously doubt she’s able to take any criticism at all. She’s more likely to throw a tantrum when she reads this than objectively consider anything I’ve written.)

What I find amazing here is how early on the problem with the other crew member manifested itself. I joined the crew on August 10 and by the end of the next day I was already griping a bit about the woman I had to share a very small space with. Nine days later, I had recognized that I had a real problem on my hands and even mentioned the possibility of dropping out. I proceeded to list a few things that were bothering me then — the list got longer as time went on, but I don’t need to discuss that here — and that’s when my friend replied, “Some of us are more self aware than others.”

And that got me thinking about self-awareness.

Self-Awareness, Defined

My first (admittedly paranoid) thought after reading his comment was, is he also talking about me?

I can be quite the gabber. I think that’s because I live alone, work from home, and have few opportunities to converse with others. I also think a lot about all kinds of things. There’s a lot of crap that accumulates in my head and when I get with someone who might be the least bit interested, a lot of it comes out. I had already talked this friend’s ear off about some of the weird stuff that happened during my crazy divorce and although I’d gotten all of that off my chest, I know I still tended to talk a lot when we were together. I was working on it, though, and making some headway.

Yet here I was, ironically complaining about someone who “never shuts the fuck up.” Was he hinting that I lacked self-awareness?

To answer that question, I needed to better understand what self-awareness was. I worked my Google skills and came up with a bunch of results from what I believe are reputable sources.

An article on the Positive Psychology website titled “What Is Self-Awareness and Why Is It Important? [+5 Ways to Increase It]” wins the award for the simplest definition:

Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection.

While it may not be possible to attain total objectivity about oneself (that’s a debate that has continued to rage throughout the history of philosophy), there are certainly degrees of self-awareness. It exists on a spectrum.

This is what my friend was saying. “Some of us are more self aware than others.” It’s a spectrum. We should all have some level of self-awareness, but some have a higher level than others. I believe he was suggesting that she (or I?) ranked low on the spectrum.

The article then goes on to discuss self awareness theory:

Self-awareness theory is based on the idea that you are not your thoughts, but the entity observing your thoughts; you are the thinker, separate and apart from your thoughts (Duval & Wicklund, 1972).

We can go about our day without giving our inner self any extra thought, merely thinking and feeling and acting as we will; however, we also can focus our attention on that inner self, an ability that Duval and Wicklund (1972) termed “self-evaluation.”

When we engage in self-evaluation, we can give some thought to whether we are thinking and feeling and acting as we “should” or following our standards and values. This is referred to as comparing against our standards of correctness. We do this daily, using these standards as a way to judge the rightness of our thoughts and behaviors.

Using these standards is a major component of practicing self-control, as we evaluate and determine whether we are making the right choices to achieve our goals.

The article contains a lot more and I highly recommend it if you’re interested in this area of psychology, whether it’s to understand yourself or others better.

In my situation, I don’t think the crew member I had problems with did any sort of self-evaluation. I’m not even sure whether she was aware of her own standards and values. I honestly don’t think she gave much of that any consideration at all. I believe that she used the same methods of communication with us that she used with everyone else and flat-out failed to see how she was often being rude or a nuisance. She came across as selfish and immature. I don’t think either of those traits are compatible with self-awareness.

As for myself, I am aware that I run off at the mouth a lot and that I can annoy some people. I have theories on why I annoy some people and those theories vary with the person. (I think what tends to annoy a lot of women is that I’m not a typical woman, I have very little in common with women (I have no kids or grandkids and did not have a traditional married life), I know a lot things that are beyond their realm of experience, and I share a lot of interests with men. I honestly believe some women feel threatened by that.) I think that bothering to develop theories at all is a part of being self-aware or performing self-evaluation.

But the one thing I try hard to do — really! — is change my behavior when I’m dealing with someone who obviously doesn’t like me. I try to be aware of how my interactions with others are seen by others. Whether I succeed or fail miserably is the big question.

One thing I don’t do: let other people dominate me. (I think that bothers women, too, since so many of them are so accustomed to playing second fiddle to someone else. And yes, I’m putting that kindly.)

Do I actively engage in self-evaluation on a regular basis? I don’t think so. But I think I should.

After all, how can we understand other people if we don’t understand ourselves?

Other Resources

Of course, I found and read more than just one article on the topic. Here are two more that you might find interesting.

An article in the Harvard Business Review titled “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)” approaches the topic, as you might imagine, from the business and productivity point of view. The summary states:

Although most people believe that they are self-aware, true self-awareness is a rare quality. In this piece, the author describes a recent large-scale investigation that shed light on some of the biggest roadblocks, myths, and truths about what self-awareness really is — and what it takes to cultivate it. Specifically, the study found that there are actually two distinct types of self-awareness, that experience and power can hinder self-awareness, and that introspection doesn’t always make you more self-aware. Understanding these key points can help leaders learn to see themselves more clearly.

The article goes into a lot of detail about the study and its results. Along the way, it presents a 2 x 2 grid identifying “Four Self-Awareness Archetypes” and how each affects things like leadership, success, and relationships. I won’t reproduce it here. Go check out the article for yourself.

Another article, on the NBC News site, is titled “What is self-awareness? And how can you cultivate it?.” It talks about recognizing and managing emotions. It quotes psychologist John Duffy:

In effect, self-awareness is the recognition of one’s own emotional state at any given point in time. The argument suggests that we are, far too often, wholly unaware of the emotional state we are currently in, and the degree to which that state influences our behavior and thought process. To the degree that we can manage our emotional states, we are better able to manage these other elements of our lives as well.

This is yet another way to look at this topic. I think it hearkens back to the concept of self-evaluation discussed above. How can you be aware of your emotional state if you’re not constantly evaluating yourself? Maybe we all need to just count to ten and think periodically thoughout the day, especially when we might feel as if our emotions are controlling our words and actions.

Me?

I came to the conclusion that my friend was not commenting on me and maybe not even the bothersome crew member. I believe he was making a general statement that applies to all of us.

But it got me thinking — and realizing how important the trait of self-awareness and the act of self-evaluation are in becoming a well-rounded person.