More political deep thoughts.

My friend, Elizabeth, e-mailed this to me today. I don’t know where it came from, but would be pleased to include the appropriate credit if someone else can point me to the original author. I thought it was something worth sharing.

What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney and Rumsfeld did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush couldn’t find Bin Laden.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle and antagonize our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals, Arabs, and Hillary Clinton.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s and Dick Cheney’s driving records are none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

Supporting “Executive Privilege” is imperative for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born in perpetuity.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.

Got something to say? You know where the Comments link is. It’ll be interesting to see what kind of feedback I get from this one.