2018 Entiat River Mushroom Hunt, Day 2: 4 Miles of Hiking and a Dozen Morels

In which I do a lot of hiking, see unexpected wildlife, and do my best mushrooming while driving.

I slept great, waking at about 5:30 AM.

I made my coffee and sat down to finish up a blog post I’d started the previous week about an FAA inspection of my new old helicopter. Of course, I couldn’t post it. I had no cell signal at all and didn’t expect to get one for the rest of my time in the area. I was totally off the grid for the next four days.

I made breakfast: buckboard bacon, onions, wild asparagus, tomatoes, spinach, and eggs. While I ate, I began planning my day.

The First Hunt

Cottonwood Campground
A look into the rest of the campground and beyond from near our campsite.

Since we were camped in a narrow part of the valley, it took a long time for the sun to hit the camper and the solar panels on its roof. Once the sun was on us — maybe at around 8:30 AM — it was time for a hike. I figured we’d head across the campground and into an area where more of the burned trees were still standing. I didn’t expect morels to grow in full sun so this would be a good place to start.

Although I initially packed a fanny pack with a bottle of water, small paper shopping bag (for mushrooms), my bright orange pocket knife, a Lara bar, and Penny’s treats, I decided that the hike would probably be short and I could just take was was absolutely necessary: my phone, which was preloaded with a map of the area in GaiaGPS so I wouldn’t get lost; my knife, and the paper bag. Yes, I left water behind. I didn’t expect to walk very far and it was still quite cool out.

I was wearing a long-sleeved knit shirt with a flannel shirt over that. I almost brought along a sweatshirt but (fortunately, as it turned out) decided to leave it behind.

Tall Burned Trees
West of the campground was a forest of tall burned trees.

We headed west away from the camper, past the outhouses and stacked logs and picnic tables. Soon we were in the forest of burned trees. It was truly amazing how much damage the fire had done. All of the old underbrush was completely gone and young trees and other plants poked out of the sometimes very thick ash. All around us, the larger trees that had been burned but not toppled stood like silent sentinels. On a different day, it might have been creepy, but that morning was perfectly clear with lots of warm, bright sunlight. Soon, in fact, I had taken off the flannel shirt and was starting to feel warm in the long sleeved shirt beneath it.

New Growth on Burned Forest Floor
Among the new plants coming up on the forest floor were a multitude of mushrooms.

There were mushrooms everywhere. I have never seen so many in a bright and sunny place. I had no idea what they were, but I took photos. (I actually like photographing mushrooms.) I noticed three distinct varieties of what my friend Sue would call LBMs — little brown mushrooms. I thought for a while about gathering some of them to show when I met up with the group on Friday. They do a big mushroom ID thing on Saturday evening. But there were so many that I figured I could always collect them the next day.

Mushrooms Under Plants Weird Brown Mushroom
Seriously: I like taking pictures of mushrooms.

Did I see any morels? No. As I wandered through the woods, climbing up into an area that seemed to have more vegetation, I didn’t see a single morel. I started wondering why and came up with four possibilities:

  • It was too early for them. It had been cold the night before — probably in the 40s. Someone somewhere had told me that morels need at least three nights in a row with temperatures in the 50s to come up. Was that true? Damned if I know. But I doubted it had been that warm at night at my current elevation of about 3100 feet.
  • Someone else had beaten me to them. After the previous year, I knew this was a real possibility. There’s big money in morel mushrooms and a lot of people hunt for sale rather than consumption. They’re more serious and dedicated than I am. But other than a few footprints I later found on a trail, there was no sign that anyone else had been in the area recently. And the forest is huge; surely they couldn’t look everywhere.
  • My mushroom eyes hadn’t switched on. Searching for mushrooms is a matter of turning on a very specific pattern recognition in your brain. I was obviously seeing mushrooms that looked like mushrooms. But morels didn’t really look like mushrooms. Maybe I wasn’t sufficiently conditioned to find them?
  • Melted Can
    As this melted can hints, the fire got very hot.

    Morels didn’t grow there. Maybe it was too burned up? Maybe the fire had killed off the mycelia that the morels spring from. It certainly had been a hot fire — that was obvious later when I found a partially melted beer can near a trail. (And seriously: WTF? You can carry in a can full of beer but you can’t carry the damn can out when it’s empty?)

It didn’t matter what the reason was — at least not that day. The point is, I wasn’t seeing any morels.

Penny on the Trail
I came upon a well-worn trail that needed some work to clear away fallen trees.

I started heading back, swinging more north to put me on a different path for the return trip. And then I suddenly came upon a trail. I looked at GaiaGPS on my phone and, sure enough, the map I’d loaded in showed a trail. I traced its line on the map and decided it might be worth hiking up to where it crossed a stream. After all, mushrooms were really an excuse to get out hiking. I’d only gone about a mile and I really needed to do more. So I turned and followed the trail up the hill, hearing the sound of rushing water getting louder and louder as I went.

The trail needed work, too. This area of Washington, which is basically the foothills of the North Cascades, has tough winters. Under normal conditions, trees fall in heavy winds or with snow loads. But with so many dead trees weakened by fire damage, there were even more fallen trees than usual. They blocked the trail in more than a few places, requiring Penny and me to go over or around them.

The hike was all uphill, although not really very steep. The trail had gentle switchbacks that made it easier. Eventually, we wound up alongside a wildly rushing cascade of water that cut through the forest. The sound of the moving water drowned out any other forest sound.

Shetipo Creek
The trail took me to Shetipo Creek, which was roaring down the side of the mountain.

Streamside Tank
Until the fire, this tank and accompanying pipe system had brought water down to the campground from Shetipo Creek.

There was a concrete tank with wooden planks for a lid and pipes on either end. At one time, this system had taken water out of the creek and funneled it down through pipes, probably to the campground. I touched a hand to the outgoing pipe and could feel neither vibration or cold water running thorough it. I followed the incoming pipe upstream to where it went into the water. I wondered when it had been built and whether it was ever used. (The next day, I spoke to a ranger about it. He told me it had been in use until the fire when much of the pipe, which was plastic laying on the surface, had melted.)

I consulted the map and saw that I’d left the mapped trail some time ago. Odd; I hadn’t seen a fork in the trail. In any case, we couldn’t continue on a trail so we headed back. I felt done.

It was an easy hike back to the camper. I always did hike best downhill. It was around 10 in the morning and had gotten very warm. I worked up a good sweat and could go for a drink of water. I think that motivated me to get back quickly.

First Morel of the Season
The first morel I found this year was right beside a well-worn trail.

I was near the very bottom of the trail, not far from where it ends at a parking area near the entrance to the campground, when I looked down and saw it: a morel mushroom. It was a lighter color than I’d been expecting and it was relatively small. Since I’ve never found just one morel in a place, I searched all around it. But it was there by itself.

First Mushroom

Of course, I cut it and stuck it in my bag.

Cottonwood Campground Hike Map
Here’s the finished track in GaiaGPS for my Cottonwood Campground area hike. You can see where I diverged from the trail. The waypoint markers represent places I took photos within the app; the numbers are the number of photos there. If I remember, I’ll upload the track and photos to the GaiaGPS website when I get home and link to it here.

Then I spent another 20 minutes poking around that area, looking for more. I came up empty.

The irony of this: although I had hiked 1.8 miles, the mushroom I found was within 100 yards of my camper.

Another Campground, Another Hike

We went back to the camper, had something to drink, and had a snack. That mean half a liverwurst sandwich for me and some chicken and kibbles for Penny. By then, I’d decided that I’d be better off continuing the hunt at lower elevations. There were a few more campgrounds along the road on the way back to Silver Falls. I’d find a spot in one of them and try another hike.

So I stowed all the loose belongings in the camper, loaded Penny up in the truck, and headed out.

Burned Forest at River
I stopped on the bridge as I was leaving the campground to take this photo. The fire didn’t stop at the river.

It didn’t seem to take long to get to the next campground downriver from Cottonwood: Three Creek. It was a tiny campground, also damaged by fire, and I couldn’t figure out how many sites it had. I backed the camper into the one that was most intact, mostly to get it out of the way in case someone else happened to come in. That was unlikely. I hadn’t seen a single vehicle or person all day.

I didn’t feel very hopeful about this spot, so I didn’t gear up. By this time, I’d changed into a tank top and had the flannel shirt on over it as a sort of lightweight jacket. I put my knife in my pants pocket and my phone in my shirt pocket. But I didn’t bother tracking my hike. I don’t think we even did a half mile. We skirted around the campground, crossed the road, wandered around the forest there until we found a small creek, followed the creek back to the road, crossed the road again, and made our way back to the campground. Along the way, I found an archery arrow. Lots of mushrooms but no morels. The elevation was probably around 2900 feet. Still too cold? Or too burned?

More Mushrooms
The reclusive little brown mushroom and its offspring wait at the mouth of its cave for mushroom hunters with cameras to pass by.

Drive-By Mushrooming

We got back into the truck and continued on our way. I drove slowly, not in any hurry. For much of the drive, the gravel road was narrow with a steep embankment of two to 20 feet in height on the left side of the road. As I drove, I scanned this little hillside with the crazy idea that I might see some mushrooms.

Not so crazy, it seems. I saw what looked like a morel. I might not have the best eyesight, but my vision is finely tuned for pattern recognition sometimes.

Hillside Morels
You see the two morel mushrooms in this photo, right? Try spotting them from a moving truck.

I found a wider place in the road and pulled over as far as I dared. I pushed the button that would fold in my side mirrors just in case someone came by and needed to pass. I shut the engine and, leaving Penny in the truck, got out with my knife and that paper bag. I walked back down the road to where I thought I’d seen the mushroom growing out of the hillside. Before I reached that spot, however, I saw another one. And another one. And another one.

They were all (barely) within reach. I cut them off, one after another. I got to the spot I’d seen the first one from the truck and found three more. They were all the dark brown morels I’d been expecting to find and they were all large.

Of course, a truck drove by just as I was prepping to cut one high on the hillside. I’m sure the driver knew what I was up to. I waved lamely. He waved back. Then he was out of sight around a curve in the road.

I continued hunting along the embankment but came up empty. So I headed back along the road toward the truck. I found a game trail that climbed up the embankment and followed that, continuing my search on higher ground. Nothing. I came back down, now past the truck, and headed back.

I found three more. I cut the first two and was about to cut the third when I remembered a promise I’d made to myself: I wouldn’t take every mushroom I found. I’d leave behind small ones that were hidden behind brush and difficult for others to find. This way, I’d help prevent the morels from being over harvested so they could continue to grow. This last mushroom was a perfect candidate, so I left it right where it was.

I got back to the truck and stowed the bag of mushrooms inside the camper’s back door where it was likely to be cooler than the truck’s dashboard and safer than the passenger side footwell.

Of course, I kept looking as I drove. But other than finding one huge one from the truck much later in the day, I had no further success.

I was passed by not one but three Forest Service trucks going the same way I was. In each case, I pulled over to let them pass. They probably thought I was driving so slow because of the camper and the unpaved road.

At North Fork

I passed Spruce Grove Campground for two reasons: first, the tight right turn would have required multiple maneuvers to make, and second, the sign said “Trailers not Recommended.” Although I wasn’t pulling a trailer, I did have a long, high profile vehicle that required more than the average amount of space to turn around. I had no idea what the condition of the forested campground would be and didn’t feel like dealing with a challenge. So I kept going.

The next campground was North Fork. There was a barricade with a Road Closed sign that had been moved out of the way. I read that to mean that it was open so I pulled in.

There was a lot of debris all over the campground. Burned and fallen trees, mostly. The mess left from winter. Again, I had trouble identifying more than a few campsites. I backed into one along the river which, unfortunately, was not level. It would do, however. If I decided to spend the night, I could always put the back wheels up on blocks.

North Fork Campsite
Our “campsite” at North Fork Campground.

I made lunch: sardines with minced onions on a bed of mixed greens with balsamic vinaigrette dressing. I drank water. I gave Penny some sardine juice — they had been packed with olive oil — over her kibbles and she ate them up. Then I cleaned off the morels I’d found so far, put them in a plastic container, draped a wet paper towel over them, and stuck them in the fridge.

Morel Collection
Here are the morel mushrooms I’d collected that morning, before I cleaned them. The one cut in half is the first one I found. Morels are hollow inside.

The elevation there was about 2650 according to the map I’d loaded in GaiaGPS. There was a place called Entiat Falls just 1700 feet downriver. I thought it might make a good hiking destination with a mushroom hunt along the way. I packed the fanny pack with the paper bag, a pair of binoculars, a snack bar, and a bottle of water. Then I grabbed Penny’s leash and we headed out.

I soon discovered that there was no trail from the campground to the falls. A rushing stream — North Fork — crossed the road at a bridge and the only way for us to cross it to continue downstream was to get on the road. On the other side, we went back into the woods, but the going was tough with lots of marshy areas. It didn’t take long before I got tired of trying to find my way and headed back to the road.

Of course, by that time, we were abeam Entiat Falls. There was a parking space there with an obvious way down to the falls. “Falls” is being generous — all it really is is a place where the river plunges over some really big boulders. It was rushing like mad with a thundering sound and lots of spray.

Entiat Falls
Entiat Falls wasn’t much of a waterfall, but the water sure was moving fast and loud.

I wasn’t done walking yet so we continued down the road. Because we were on the road and not in the woods, I put Penny on her leash. We walked along the oncoming traffic side so I could scan the embankment for more mushrooms. The road was paved there and rather pleasant, with no traffic at all. I could hear birds and the rushing water off to my right and not much else. The temperature was warm, but I was comfortable.

I checked GaiaGPS to see how far I’d gone. 8/10 mile. I decided to go a full mile before turning around and kept walking, scanning the ground at the side of the road, with Penny leading the way on the leash.

I don’t know what alerted me to the movement ahead. Maybe it was Penny. Maybe it was just something I caught in my peripheral vision. My brain said deer — after all, I’d seen at least a dozen of them in the previous 24 hours — before my eyes locked on to what it was.

It wasn’t a deer. It was a bear.

A big, black bear on all fours ambling across the road about 100 yards ahead of us.

Shit.

I turned around and walked as fast as I could back the way we’d come, dragging Penny along with me. To her credit, she didn’t bark. I kept turning around to make sure the bear wasn’t following us, remembering everything I knew — and didn’t know — about bears. Was I supposed to make noise or be quiet? Was I supposed to run like hell or not turn my back on it? Did bears eat people? Small dogs? Or did they eat trees like pandas and koalas? Surely I’d lose a race with a bear. I was so damn out of shape.

And that out-of-shape feeling was confirmed the farther I speed-walked away. Soon I was sweating, panting, nearly out of breath. And I knew exactly how far away the truck was: nearly a mile! If this bear came after me — or if it had friends in the woods up ahead of us — there was no way I’d be able to beat it tback to the truck.

But there was no chase. The bear, which must have seen us, was simply not interested in us. There were no other bears in the area — at least none willing to put in an appearance. After speed-walking for about a half mile, I finally slowed down to catch my breath. I still wanted to get to the truck and camper as quickly as possible, but I wasn’t interested in having a heart attack along the way.

We reached the bridge and, just before crossing it, I looked down and found a morel mushroom. Go figure, eh?

I looked around a bit, but didn’t find any others. No worries. The only thing I wanted to do was get into the camper, close the door, and have a nice, cold drink.

Five minutes later, that’s where I was.

Siesta

I drank a lot of orange juice mixed with water. I used two plastic cups to make ice in the freezer; I had no ice trays with me. Then I crawled up onto the bed to relax and cool down.

Within 10 minutes, I was dead asleep with Penny on the bed beside me.

I slept lightly for the next three hours. I almost got up once but my body told me I wasn’t ready yet so I went back to sleep.

Finally, I dragged myself awake. I looked outside and saw the storm clouds I’d been expecting that day. While it’s true that I couldn’t go online to check the weather, I had checked it before leaving home. Rain was definitely expected and there was the dark storm cloud that would bring it.

I realized that the trees around me were kind of fragile and that a storm with strong winds could topple one or more, possibly onto my camper or across the road. The narrow part of the road between North Fork campground and Silver Falls had looked prone to flooding. I suddenly realized, with my half-awake brain, that I didn’t want to get stuck out that narrow bit of road. It was time to move on to find another place to spend the night and ride out whatever storm might be coming.

So I stowed the loose belongings again, climbed into the truck with Penny, and headed out.

Needless to say, I was looking for bears along the road about a mile from where I’d been parked. No joy. But a little farther down the road, my drive-by mushrooming skills paid off again: I found a humongous morel. I hopped out of the truck, ran across the road, and cut it off for my collection. That made an even dozen.

National Forest Camping

One of the things I like best about National Forests is that unless otherwise posted, you can camp just about anywhere you can park. I had a few ideas for spots just upriver from Silver Falls that I’d seen the previous year and that’s where I headed.

Along the way, where the road got very narrow with embankments on either side, I saw a handful of deer. No more bears.

I drove past the gate that had been closed the previous year and made a right turn. There was a campsite down along the river there, but it was already occupied. I crossed the bridge. The campsite on the other side of the river was occupied, too. I followed the paved road around to the south, noting one empty spot that would do in a pinch. But what I was looking for was a left turn on a narrow gravel road that wound down into the forest, closer to the river.

The spot I remembered was already taken, but there was another spot I didn’t remember about 100 yards before it. It was certainly large enough for me to get the truck and camper in. I almost turned into it, but then I realized that would have my back door facing my neighbors. So, instead, I backed in so my camper door would face the woods and a tiny creek that meandered past.

I got out to check the level inside the back door of the camper, then got back into the truck to reposition. I did this twice. Finally, it was level enough for comfort. I rolled up the truck windows, shut it off, and got out with Penny and my laptop, which had been charging in the truck all day.

The trees around us looked healthy and not likely to topple in a wind storm. I took out my little grill and set it up on the ground outside the back door. I screwed on the propane can and fired it up. Soon I was grilling up a nice piece of salmon and the last of the wild asparagus I’d gotten from a woman who I’d helped with a bee problem the week before.

Salmon Dinner on the Grill
Salmon dinner on the grill.

Thunder rumbled overhead, but the rain didn’t start until after I’d brought in my dinner. I put some of it aside to include in an omelet later in the weekend and ate the rest. It was good, although I think I would have enjoyed the salmon more if I’d cooked it a bit longer.

By the time I was done eating, it was raining hard. It would continue to rain hard all evening and into the night.

I spent some time working on a blog post about the previous day’s trip up to Cottonwood campground. By 9 PM, I was exhausted — which really surprised me, given the length of my nap earlier in the day. I was dead asleep by 9:30 PM while the rain pattered on the roof overhead.

2018 Entiat River Mushroom Hunt, Day 1: Getting Started

I go off the grid for four days to hunt for morel mushrooms.

One of the best things about being single is all the time I have to do my own thing. Since my divorce started back in 2012 (and eventually ended years later), I’ve picked up a number of new hobbies, some of which are seasonal. Mushroom hunting is one of these hobbies.

Mushrooming Since 2015

I started learning about foraging for mushrooms at a weekend-long class at the North Cascades Environmental Learning Center in October 2015. Not long after that, in May 2016, I went on my first morel mushroom hunt with my friend Sue. I actually went out several times, both alone and with Sue, to a variety of places. We did okay — good enough to have morels with a handful of meals.

If you’ve never had fresh morels, you have no idea what you’re missing. They are amazingly delicious. My favorite way to eat them? Dust with flour, salt, and pepper, and sauté gently in butter. Holy cow. I also made a morel mushroom pizza which wasn’t bad; I’d certainly do it again if I brought home enough mushrooms to want variety in how I eat them.

The same year, I joined the Puget Sound Mycological Society (PSMS), mostly so I could go on their Ben Woo Foray just outside Mount Rainier National Park. 2017 was a very wet year and I saw, in 10 minutes, more mushrooms on the grounds of where the event was being held than I had all summer long on the relatively dry east side of the Cascades where I live. I learned about other edibles — which is honestly all I care to collect — and brought home enough to eat and freeze and enjoy. Heck, I was still eating chanterelles that winter when I took my camper down to Arizona.

The PSMS has other outings and a handful of them are on my side of the mountains in the spring. Last year, I joined the group for a weekend camping trip at Silver Falls Campground about 30 miles up the Entiat River. I came in my truck camper on Friday afternoon and was one of the first to arrive in the group campground. Soon others were pulling in after a very long drive from the Seattle area. It was not a successful weekend, at least as far as mushroom hunting is concerned. I think we were about a week too early. I came back the following week and tried again on my own. The woods were full of mushroom hunters and we were all looking for the same thing: morels.

Up the Entiat

The Entiat River valley is a perfect spot for them. There were huge forest fires in 2015 that devastated much of the valley beyond Silver Falls and did some serious damage to the Silver Falls area. The trail to the falls and even the campground were closed for more than a year. Since morels prefer conifer forests after a fire, it made sense to look there. But there was too much competition in 2017 and I came away disappointed on both trips with barely enough mushrooms for a side dish.

This year, I decided to try again — but with a bit of a head start. I figured I’d head up the Entiat two days early but continue past Silver Falls, all the way up to Cottonwood campground eight miles farther at the end of the road. The road had been closed about a mile past Silver Falls the previous year but a call to the ranger station assured me that it was open. And although Cottonwood campground was technically closed due to fire damage, it wasn’t gated. I was told I could use it as long as I hauled out my own trash.

I had a slight idea of the fire damage the ranger told me about. I’d flown up the canyon a few times the previous year. One of my favorite helicopter joy rides, often with friends, is to follow the Columbia River to the mouth of the Entiat River, then head upstream and follow that to a fork in the canyon. If I make the right turn, I can pop over a ridge not far from Holden Village and Lake Chelan. From there, I follow the lake up to Stehekin. In the spring, there are too many waterfalls along the way to count.

Anyway, I’d seen what looked like a campground from the air in a piece of forest with nothing but blackened towers of burned trees. That was either Cottonwood or one of the ones along the way. Lots of fire damage. Would that mean lots of mushrooms?

There was only way to find out.

A Late Start

There were a bunch of things I needed to do at home before I could head out. First and foremost was an article I was supposed to write for Vertical magazine that I had put off too many times. My deadline had been Friday and here it was on Wednesday and I still hadn’t written a word.

The trouble is, I do my best writing in the morning. Actually, I do my best everything in the morning. But the morning is also when it’s cool out so that’s the best time to work on my garden and do other outdoor things. I’d been promising myself that I’d work on the article in the afternoon, when it was too hot outside to work. But I never did. Now I realized that if I didn’t write the article, there was no way I’d be able to get it to my editor for another week. And since I’d already missed one drop-dead deadline on this piece, missing another would not be a good idea.

So I climbed up into my loft-based office, fired up my computer, and got to work. Three hours later, I had a 1600-word interview all ready for review by my subject. I emailed it to him.

Then I had to move the “outhouse” I use with my glamping tent. (I really need to blog about that setup and my most excellent portable toilet.) I’d moved it down close to the tent for guests about two weeks ago. Now it was time to dump it and reposition it in a more permanent place for the season. I didn’t like where I had it. And the damn thing had already blown over once in heavy wind — thankfully, it had been empty — and I needed my neighbor’s backhoe to get it back on its wheels. I didn’t want that to happen again when it was full. (Ick.)

Moving it took about an hour, mostly because I had trouble getting it hooked up to my ATV’s front hitch. Then a very slow drive up the path from the tent, around the driveway edge, and in place near the big aspen tree by my garden. I needed to borrow the sewer hose from my camper to make a hose long enough to reach the sewer connection in my driveway. Finally, I secured it on jacks so it wouldn’t topple over again.

By that time, it was time for lunch. I had leftover lamb shank.

Next, I had to prep the camper. That meant pulling out a lot of the things I’d left in there after my winter travels that I wouldn’t need for my upcoming trip. When I went to make the bed, it was pretty obvious that the cats had been in there — the bed was covered with cat hair. So I had to get out the shop vac and suck all that hair out. I vacuumed the rest of the rig, too. Then I made the bed, organized the kitchen and bathroom and dining area, and started to pack up the things I would need for the trip, like food and my jewelry-making stuff and my drone.

Then I needed to raise the camper on its legs, back the truck under it, lower the camper onto the truck, and secure the camper to the truck using the tie-down straps. That took about 20 minutes; I’m getting good at it.

The clock was ticking loudly. I knew that if I left home after 6 PM, there was a good chance I’d get to Cottonwood campground after dark, which was definitely not what I wanted. By the time I was ready to take a shower and pack up my clothes, it was 3:30. And that’s when I realized that I hadn’t reviewed the comments my interview subject had emailed back to me.

So I climbed back up to the loft, opened the file he’d emailed back to me, opened my Word document file, and went through the few edits he’d sent. I proofread the article and emailed it to my editor with apologies for being late.

It was 4:30 PM when I finally got into the shower. I needed a serious scrubbing — I’d been sweating all day — and had to wash my hair. So a long shower.

Then getting together my clothes and more food items. And checking off items on my list, some of which needed fetching from various places all over my home and garage and tent. And chicken coop — I needed to bring eggs.

It was 5:30 PM when I finally locked up the house and rolled out of my driveway.

I needed to make one stop: the local Fred Meyer supermarket. I wanted to get a few grocery items: sushi to munch on in the truck, a roasted chicken, and some salad. And I needed fuel for the truck. I was pleased to get a 50¢ gallon discount when filling the truck’s huge tank, even though I still had a quarter tank of fuel.

If stopping for propane would have been easy, I would’ve done it. But the RV dealer on the way out of town was closed and it would have been a time-consuming ordeal at a convenience store. I was pretty sure I had enough propane on board for the trip so I skipped it.

I rolled out of Wenatchee at 6:33 PM.

The Drive Up

It was not a long drive — not in miles, anyway. The campground was 38 miles up Entiat River Road. The turn for that was maybe 10 miles from Wenatchee’s north end bridge. So figure about 48 miles from where I crossed the river from the East Wenatchee side.

It was surprisingly windy along the river. Although it had been a nice day with partly cloudy skies, storms were in the forecast and, from my home’s position on the hillside, I’d seen sheets of rain falling in various directions. But once I was on the road, I no longer felt in a hurry. I set my cruise control for 55 in a 60 mph zone to make it easy to drive my high profile load. The only other vehicle on the road going my way was a police car, which passed me.

There was no traffic at all in either direction on Entiat River Road. Sure, there are homes up there, but I guess everyone was home. The road runs alongside the river, which was running high and fast from snow melt up in the mountains. The next two rivers up the Columbia — the Stehekin, which empties into Lake Chelan, and the Okannogan — were at flood stage. The Entiat was close but none of the bridges across it were closed and there was no flooding on the road.

The farther upriver I got, the narrower and twistier the road became. It was actually a great motorcycling road — I’d taken my bike up to Silver Falls several times for a hike. But behind the wheel of a high CG vehicle, it wasn’t much fun.

Most of the valley was in shadows when I made my turn. I’d periodically get a flash of late afternoon sun in my face, but after a while even that stopped. My average speed dropped from about 50 when I made the turn down to 30 when I entered the national forest.

I was very surprised to see a gate closing off Silver Falls campground. The sign at the beginning of the road had listed all the campgrounds from Silver Falls on as closed but I was going by what the ranger told me. I hoped there was no gate at Cottonwood. But even if there was, I’d deal with it. One of the great things about traveling with a truck camper (or a camper van or a small motorhome) is that it’s easy to park and when you do, you’re camping. So if there was a closed gate at my destination, I’d simply find a place to park off the road out there and settle in for the night.

About a mile past Silver Falls I reached the gate at the road that had been closed the previous year. It was open, as I expected, and I kept going. By this point, I was into the fire damaged area. The sun, although still shining on the tops of the mountains around me, was not shining anywhere in the valley. Still, I could easy see the fallen trees and burned stumps. In some places, where were still tall live trees but in others, there weren’t. At one point, a sign warned of a narrow road for a half mile and the road went down to one lane with tall embankments on both sides. Fast running creeks came out of the hills on my right and formed channels of water on the other side of the embankments; clearly they had been built there to stop flooding and erosion on the road.

And that got me thinking about the kind of damage forest fires do. It isn’t just burned up trees and undergrowth. It’s the subsequent erosion caused by rain and snowmelt on terrain that is no longer able to contain or slow down the running water. It’s the debris that clogs streams and causes them to reroute in directions that road planners never expected. It’s the undercutting of roads and bridges. It’s the layers of ash that choke off oxygen to the soil, making it difficult for plant life to return.

One by one, I passed the other campgrounds along the way. None of them were blocked off, although one had a paper sign over its regular sign that said “Day Use Only.” All of the signs on the right side of the road that had once identified the campground by name were gone. Only the structures that had once held the signs remained.

The pavement ended and I continued on. By this time, I had caught up with an SUV. Although I was only going about 20 to 30 miles per hour, he pulled over to let me pass.

Small creeks crossed the road and I drove right through them. Three of them. None of them were deep, but the road was definitely being eroded. The road climbed some hills and descended on the other side. The landscape was full of the burned remains of once tall conifers.

And then I was at Cottonwood campground. Like the other campgrounds, its sign was gone, but a road sign pointed me to it. I turned left, crossed a bridge over the raging Entiat River, and followed the road around to what was left of the campground.

At Cottonwood Campground

I say “what was left” of the campground because it was a mess. If there had been cottonwoods there, they were all gone. Most of the trees were gone. The campground was basically an open field full of burned tree stumps.

At Cottonwood Campground
I shot this photo the next day. I have to wonder where the cottonwoods were.

Somehow, the bathroom buildings had been spared. They stood almost evenly spaced alongside the road among neatly stacked piles of lumber and heavy wooden picnic tables.

I drove down to the end of the campground and followed the loop back to the road I’d been on. It was hard to identify where the sites had been. Fire pits were my only indicator in some places. Fallen trees blocked off what might have been driveways or parking areas. It would take a lot of man hours to get this place back to the way it had been — even without the trees. It had already been more than two full years and they had a long way to go.

What a shame.

I found a driveway that led down to two or three spots along the river that were still intact and turned into it. At the end, I had quite a challenge turning around my rig in an area that might have measured 30 feet square with obstacles that included trees, a piece of rebar in the ground that would have made short work of my truck tire, and huge stones. At one point, I thought I was stuck, but since stuck wasn’t an option, I kept trying. After about 20 forward/reverse maneuvers with me getting out of the truck to look for that piece of rebar every time, I finally got it turned around. I backed into one of the spots and stopped when the truck seemed level.

My Camper at Cottonwood
I took this photo of my camper in its overnight spot the next morning before pulling out. This was one of the few undamaged spots in the campground.

It would have been a pleasant spot if it weren’t for all the fire damage around us. The river was only 20 feet away. I had a picnic table and a fire pit, neither of which got any use.

And yes, I was the only person there. I had the whole campground to myself. The only sound was the water rushing by.

By that time, the sun had gone down and it was beginning to get dark. The SUV I’d passed a while before pulled into the campground, drove down to the end, and then drove out. I never saw it again.

Penny and I went for a quick walk around, mostly to stretch our legs and give Penny a chance to do her business. Then, since it was starting to get chilly, we went back into the camper and closed it up for the night. I had some chicken and a salad for dinner; Penny got the chicken fat and skins with some chicken juice over her kibbles.

We were in bed and asleep by 9:30 PM.

More to come…

A Story about Questioning Authority

If something doesn’t sound right, it might not be.

Those of you who follow the aviation-related posts in this blog — and there are a lot of you — might recall how I balked last year when the FAA told me I was required to buy a radar altimeter to continue Part 135 charter operations in my VFR-only aircraft. I argued that a radar altimeter’s sole purpose was to tell a pilot how far the aircraft was from the ground and that VFR operations, by definition, meant that the pilot could see the ground. If I wanted to know how far I was from the ground, all I had to do was look out the window. I didn’t need to spend $8K to $20K for an instrument inside the cockpit to tell me how far from the ground I was.

The argument apparently had some merit because a handful of Part 135 operations like mine, who apparently have more reasonable FAA oversight, got a waiver of the requirement. To this day, they still have that waiver.

I fought long and hard on this issue and, in the end, lost. Through the efforts of someone at Helicopter Association International (HAI), I got a temporary waiver that gave me until this coming October to comply. I wound up having one installed on Mr. Bleu (my new old helicopter) because the kind folks I bought it from offered to do the labor for free. It still cost me $10K. (Unfortunately, I have to pass that cost on to my charter clients with a $25/landing fee for all Part 135 flights.)

A lot of people might think that my experience with this would convince me that it isn’t worth fighting when you think something is wrong. That’s simply not true. I will always fight for what I think is right — if it’s important to me. Yes, I pick my battles.

And that brings me to the topic of today’s blog post: two FAA findings in yesterday’s aircraft inspection.

A Tiny Bit of Backstory

When Zero-Mike-Lima was totaled, I had no helicopter. One of the requirements of a Part 135 certificate — the FAA certification that enables me to legally do air-taxi work — is that I have at least one helicopter on my certificate. When I informed my local FAA Flight Standards District Office (FSDO) that Zero-Mike-Lima was gone, they waited a week or two before kindly informing me that if I didn’t replace it soon, they’d cancel my certificate.

This is a huge deal. It took just four months for me to get my certificate in the beginning of 2005 and that was considered lightning fast. These days, it’s rare to get the process done in less than two years.

Admittedly, I don’t use my Part 135 certificate much anymore. Most of my work centers around cherry drying, with a dose of aerial photo/survey work, scenic tours within 25 miles of the starting point, and hop rides at outdoor events. For a while I was doing a lot of wine tasting tours, but I’ve dialed that down to hour-long trips that are a bit pricey for the average wine lover. Still, I want to keep my Part 135 certificate because it enables me to say yes to the odd charter flight that comes my way. When you have a small business with limited activity, being able to say yes can make a big difference in your bottom line.

So I was motivated to get a replacement. I blogged about my shopping experience here and about picking up Mr. Bleu and flying it home with a friend here. Once it was here and I had all the paperwork I needed the FAA to review, I contacted my guys at the FSDO to arrange for an inspection.

You see, it isn’t enough for me to get a helicopter. The FAA has to inspect it. There’s a laundry list of requirements for Part 135 work, as well as the general airworthiness of the aircraft itself. That’s why I was so picky about what I bought and why I wound up buying the helicopter I did. I knew it would comply with all requirements so it would be easy for me and for the FAA to get it on my certificate.

The Inspection

The FAA scheduled the inspection for May 3. I was expecting my Primary Operations Inspector (POI) and Primary Maintenance Inspector (PMI). That’s two guys. So imagine my surprise when a small car rolled into my driveway that morning and four guys got out of it.

Apparently, my inspection was part of a training exercise. Lucky me.

They all came upstairs and I handed over all of the helicopter’s paperwork to them. I pulled out my big dining room table — I normally keep it stowed against a wall — and the three maintenance related guys sat around it. I sat at the breakfast bar with my POI to talk about operations stuff. It seemed that they were combining the aircraft inspection with a base inspection and a post-crash interview. That was fine. I had nothing to hide and I was confident that the aircraft would meet their requirements.

I have to say that I did the right thing when I bought a helicopter with just one previous owner from a place with a well-managed maintenance shop. Every single document that they were looking for was in the packet I had for them. The only two things they brought to my attention is my need to register my ELT (Emergency Locator Transmitter; a piece of emergency equipment) and the possibility that I might need to update my Pilot Operating Handbook (POH) with a manual for the radar altimeter. That second finding actually came later, when they looked at the helicopter.

And that’s where we went next: to the helicopter. After I asked my PMI to take off his FAA hat and help me get my new printer up onto my loft and a chair down from my loft — a matter of handing a box up to me and taking a lightweight chair I handed down — we went back downstairs. They all climbed into their car — which, by that point, I had begun thinking of as a clown car, mostly because of so many big guys being in such a relatively small car — and I pulled my Jeep out of my garage. I led the way back down my road and around to my neighbor’s airstrip, where the helicopter was parked. (Long story there; it’ll eventually get blogged about.) We parked next to the helicopter and got out. I pulled off the cover and opened the doors. The four guys moved in.

At one point, I almost got a photo of them all poking their heads into various parts of the helicopter, but as soon as I took my phone out, one of them moved away and I skipped the shot.

I answered questions. We talked about the fire extinguisher (the Spokane FSDO seems obsessed with it — in 9 years the Scottsdale FSDO never even looked at it) and I was told that it needed to be inspected monthly by a mechanic who would put an entry in the aircraft logbook. We talked about the POH and my possible need to add a manual to the Supplements section for my radio altimeter — although no one seemed to know for sure if such a supplement existed or was actually required. We talked about the level of the main rotor gearbox fluid. We talked about how clean the helicopter was.

And we talked about safety wire.

The Safety Wire

Safety wire, in case you don’t know, is thin wire that’s used to secure nuts and other removable items. It prevents them from loosening and potentially spinning off. Look at any aircraft long enough and you’ll find these thin wires here and there, twisted tight.

The maintenance guys pointed out that there was no safety wire on the tail rotor gearbox or oil filter. This was a “finding” — that’s a word that auditors use when they find something wrong. I don’t know what FAA guys call it. Exception? Non-Compliance?

I was embarrassed. I should have caught that on preflight but didn’t. It looked fine to me. But what really surprised me was that the maintenance shop had let it go like that. I decided to rib them about it later.

I told the FAA guys that I’d fly it to the airport to have the mechanic there add the wire. They told me I needed a ferry permit. Apparently the aircraft was not airworthy without it. I said I’d get a ferry permit, imagining some form I’d fill out online. They asked if I’d ever gotten one before. I said no. They said that I’d have to fill out a form and then get a mechanic out to look at the aircraft and sign off on it.

“Since the mechanic has to come out here anyway, can’t he just add the wire while he’s here?” I asked.

“Bingo,” one of them replied.

I made a mental note to get in touch with the local airplane mechanic when the FAA left.

The Doors

At that point, we seemed to be done. But then my PMI said, “And we need to talk about the doors.”

They had sent me a document a week or two before (InFO 18002) that talked about helicopters on fire contracts, removing and installing doors in remote areas, and cargo doors (which I don’t have). It didn’t seem to apply to my operation.

Robinson helicopters have simple door attachments: two hinge pins with round cotter pins to prevent them from slipping out, combined with little hydraulic do-dads that keep the door open when you open it. Of course, there’s a latch to hold the door closed in flight or when parked. Pretty simple stuff. As a student pilot in Arizona 20 years ago, one of the first things I learned was how to remove and install the doors on the R22s I trained in. With daytime shade temperatures in triple digits six months out of the year, I think we flew more often with doors off than doors on. That was certainly the case when I bought my first helicopter in 2000.

After reading the document, I’d emailed my PMI to tell him I didn’t think it applied to my operation. He said we’d talk about it at the inspection. This was the talk.

It wasn’t good news. According to the Spokane Gang of Four, I was not permitted to remove or install the doors on my helicopter since it was used for Part 135 operations. In the judgement of someone in Washington (who really needs a hobby), removing and installing doors is a “maintenance item.” Because it’s a maintenance item, it needs to be done by a mechanic and an aircraft logbook entry must be made. In large Part 135 organizations, the Maintenance Training Program can include instructions for training a pilot to do this job while operating in a remote area when a mechanic isn’t available. But since I was a single Pilot Part 135 operator and I didn’t have a Maintenance Training Program because I (1) didn’t have a maintenance department and (2) didn’t need one, I could not be trained to do this job so I could not do it.

So yes, they were telling me that I was no longer allowed to do a simple task that I had been doing for about 20 years.

Doors off Mr. Bleu
Here’s Mr. Bleu on a photography client’s front lawn not long after my FAA inspection. The front seat photographer did still photos while the guy behind him did video. (By Chelan County’s definition, this is a heliport. Go figure.)

Now you might wonder why this mattered to me. First, understand why I might need to take one or more doors off. It’s mostly for aerial photo work — no serious photographer is interested in shooting images through a curved, possibly dusty Plexiglas window. I have worked with photographers who have chosen me because other operators refused to remove a door for them. Doors off is required and, coincidentally, I had booked a photo flight for the following Monday.

Second, if the doors could only be removed and installed by a mechanic, that meant I’d have to schedule a flight to the airport when a mechanic was present (9-5, M-F), wait while he removed the doors and made the logbook entry, do my doors-off flight, return to the airport when the mechanic was present (9-5, M-F) to have the mechanic install the doors and make another logbook entry, pay the mechanic for his time, and fly back to my off-airport landing zone.

The level of inconvenience this interpretation of some obscure rule was causing me was astounding. Consider my Monday flight, when I was scheduled to meet my client in Leavenworth — the opposite direction of the airport — at 7 AM — two hours before my mechanic gets to work. That meant I’d have to fly to the airport the day before — well, no because that was Sunday so I really needed to be there three days before, on Friday — to have the doors removed, then return to my landing zone, leave the doors off while parked for several days, fly to meet my client on Monday, and then return to the airport before returning to base. I figure 4/10 hour on the hobbs meter just to add in all the flight time for the mechanic.

And in a helicopter, time is real money.

And what happens if I pick up a tour flight after the doors have been taken off? Do I just apologize to the folks paying me nearly $600/hour for the drafty in-flight conditions? Or just say no to them, thus taking a pass on an hour’s worth of revenue, and hope the photographer doesn’t cancel, leaving me with a net loss for the doors off adventure?

According to the Spokane Gang of Four, there was no way around this for me. Not at all. No waivers or anything else.

And that’s when I got seriously pissed off.

“Breathe”

After covering the helicopter back up and watching the FAA guys drive away in their little car — and wondering how comfortable they could possibly be crammed in there for the 3-hour ride back to Spokane — I got back into my Jeep and headed into town to run some errands. On the way, I called another Part 135 operator friend and vented to him about the doors, knowing that he was in the same boat as me.

“Breathe,” he told me. And then he told me a few other things that I won’t repeat here, including how he planned to deal with it.

I relaxed a little, but I knew his solution would not work for me. I’m too fucking honest.

And that’s really what it all comes down to: honesty. The FAA makes these rules that are nearly impossible to comply with, knowing damn well that some operators just won’t follow the rules because they can’t. It’s like they’re setting a trap. And one day, when they decide they just don’t want to deal with you anymore, they spring that trap and pull your ticket.

I have to say that I never thought this way about the FAA until I moved my operation to the management of the Spokane FSDO. I’m not sure if its a timing thing — maybe the whole FAA has changed? — or it’s just a higher level of unreasonableness. I thought the goal was to ensure safety. These days, it seems as if the goal is to see how many hoops an operator will jump through — how much money they’ll throw away on useless equipment and “maintenance” — before they throw in the towel and quit flying.

Another Part 135 operator friend of mine had enough when they zapped him for doing a photo flight at a train yard — long story there — and decided to punish him by suspending his license during cherry season, which is when he made 90% of his flying income. His “you can’t fire me I quit” response was to sell his helicopter and get out of the business entirely. I suspect that’s exactly what they wanted. I’ve also come to suspect that this FSDO sees small operators as nuisances. That would surely explain the failure to give waivers for a useless piece of equipment in a VFR-only aircraft — the radar altimeter — and this new rule about removing and installing doors.

The Safety Wire, Revisited

Of course, I also had to deal with the safety wire to satisfy the FAA guys. That meant getting my mechanic out to the helicopter to do the job, taking photos of the finished work, and scanning the logbook entry. I’d send all that evidence to them as soon as possible, knowing how long it takes them to process requests. All this had to be done before my photo flight on Monday. (Oddly, I wouldn’t need to have the mechanic remove the doors then because the helicopter was not yet on my Part 135 certificate so it was still legal for me to do it, as long as I made a logbook entry. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that convoluted piece of logic.)

But I wanted to rib the maintenance shop about missing the safety wires so I shot off a text to Paul, the Director of Maintenance where I bought the helicopter:

Spokane sent FOUR inspectors today. Just a few minor problems to resolve, the most embarrassing of which is the fact that there was no safety wire on the tail rotor gearbox and oil filter. (Oops!) I’m hoping to get a mechanic out to my LZ to fix that tomorrow. There was also some question on whether I need a radio altimeter supplement in my POH on board. Do you know?

Then they told me that I’m not allowed to remove or reinstall my doors because I’m not a mechanic.

His response came moments later:

Safety wire is not required.

There was more, mostly from me, but I’d prefer not to repeat it here. A while later, when I got home, I got his brief email:

Safety wire SL-45 link.
https://robinsonheli.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/r44_sl45.pdf

Sure enough, Robinson Helicopter Company had issued a Safety Letter dated July 3, 2013 titled “Deleted Safety Wire.” The Background section stated:

Safety wire and safety wire provisions have been deleted from various installations and parts. Deleting safety wire reduces maintenance cost and decreases the potential for safety wire-related FOD. This letter provides guidance for installing parts with or without safety wire provisions.

You can bet I wasted no time forwarding that document to my PMI. I’m sure it got to his office in Spokane before he did. Of course, he never said a word about it. I had to email him the following week to ask if he’d gotten it and whether it was still an issue. His response was brief:

I got it thank you. It takes care of the question raised about the safety wire.

There are three lessons to learn here:

  • The FAA is not all-knowing. In their defense, how could they be? There are hundreds of makes and models of aircraft. How could they be expected to know about every maintenance procedure or service letter for every one. While it bugs me that they automatically assumed there was a problem, it felt really good to educate them.
  • An experienced mechanic knows stuff the FAA doesn’t. I had already suspected this — which is why I prefer taking my aircraft for repairs and maintenance to a shop that sees Robinson Helicopters all the time — but my safety wire experience proved it.
  • Questioning authority can save you money. In this case, I saved at least $100 — the cost of getting a mechanic out to my LZ, which is a good 40-minute drive from the airport, for a 15 minute job that actually would have had me in non-compliance with Robinson’s Safety Notice.

But this got me thinking about the doors-off issue. If Robinson said safety wire wasn’t necessary in a place where the FAA thought it was, perhaps Robinson could weigh in on the door removal issue?

But haven’t you read enough here? (I’m surprised you made it this far.) I think I’ll save the door issue for another blog post. As you’ll see, it’s not a simple matter.

Getting a Closer Connection to My Food

Gardening, foraging, gleaning, making things from scratch.

Frittata
This morning’s breakast: a frittata with home grown onions and broccoli, homemade cheese, and eggs from my neighbor’s chickens.

This morning, for breakfast, I had a frittata I made with onions and broccoli from my garden, eggs from my neighbor’s chickens, and Chaource cheese I made myself three weeks ago. (The only reason the eggs came from neighbors is because my 17 chickens aren’t laying yet.) I could have added chanterelle or gypsy mushrooms I foraged for and froze last autumn or morel mushrooms I forged for on Friday. (That would have been a waste of the morels.) Or I could have made blueberry muffins from scratch, using blueberries I picked and froze last summer and sweetened with honey from my bees. Or a smoothie made with those same blueberries, two strawberries from my garden (only two are ready right now), and yogurt I made myself.

It’s only recently that I’ve realized how much of my food comes from my own sources or resources. Last night, I made a batch of pickled broccoli stems with more of that garden broccoli and dill from my garden. The tomato sauce and pickled green beans I canned last winter are still forming the basis of pasta meals or snacks and hors d’oeuvres for dinner guests. The cherries I gleaned last summer are still in the fridge in the form of cherry chutney that goes very well with roast or grilled pork, turkey, or chicken. I’ve got five kinds of homemade cheese in various stages of ripening in my wine-fridge-turned-cheese-cave or refrigerator. I’ve got mead made from honey from my bees fermenting in my pantry closet. In my garden, the broccoli and onions are ready for harvest and I pick them right before I eat them. Soon I’ll also have tomatoes, peppers, green beans, brussels sprouts, cucumbers, corn, melons, zucchini, and potatoes, not to mention marion berries, ligon berries, and black-capped raspberries. And it I get back into the forest for a hike at just the right time, I can pick thimbleberries right off the bushes.

Chickens Eat Weeds
My chickens love to eat weeds. They’ll be making eggs in about 2-3 months.

I’ve discovered that I can turn weeds into eggs by feeding them to chickens and coffee filters into vegetables by composting them into a rich garden soil.

I spent literally hours traipsing through forest floors tangled with the debris of fires a year or more ago, looking for the morel mushrooms only found this time of year. Although I found a few — enough for a small side dish or pizza topping — I was competing with people who had a lot more experience than me and consider myself lucky to find ones they obviously missed.

It also takes a long time and makes a big kitchen mess to make cheese from scratch.

And gleaning cherries after harvest? Do you know how frustrating it is to see a perfect one just out of reach up in a tree and not be able to close your fingers around its stem?

Which is why people ask me why I bother. Why not just go to the supermarket and buy whatever’s there?

The only thing I can come up with is the feeling of satisfaction I get from knowing where my food comes from or what’s in it, and having a very active role in obtaining it, putting it on the table, and serving it to my guests.

Foraging for mushrooms, which I hope to blog about later in the week, is especially rewarding. When I say I spent hours searching, I’m not exaggerating. I went out into three different forest areas on four different days and came back with just five mushrooms, one of which is tiny. Yet the excitement I felt when I saw the biggest one cannot be overstated.

There’s something about having this closer connection to my food that I really like.

Next spring’s challenge: tracking down the wild asparagus that supposedly grows in the Chelan area.

What do you think? How involved are you in obtaining and preparing the food you eat?

Why I’m Not Blogging about Politics

A post in which I proceed to blog about politics.

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I’m very involved there with politics. But if you follow this blog, you know that I very seldom blog about it.

I’ll make my position clear here just once: I don’t like Donald Trump. I think he’s a conman who isn’t sincere about anything he promised his base during the campaign. I think his only goal as president is to make himself and his family richer by playing the system any way he can. I think that the only reason he’s a [supposed] billionaire is because he started life with millions he got from his father, consistently cuts project costs by not paying his contractors what he owes them, and has been bailed out after more than a few bad business decisions. For Pete’s sake, the guy has six bankruptcies under his belt — doesn’t that speak volumes? How people can trust and believe in a conman like this is beyond me.

I think he’s semi-literate, a guy with a tiny vocabulary who can’t be bothered to prepare for meetings or speeches because he thinks he can bluff his way through them — and everyone lowers their standards to make sure he does.

I also think he’s a crazy narcissist who needs constant ego stroking, a true man-child who can only focus on things that affect him personally. I think he’s delusional in the sense that he rewrites events in his own mind to fit the narrative he wants to tell about himself and then actually believes the new story. Simply said, he believes his own lies.

I think members of his staff likely did collude with Russia during the election — and maybe he did, too — and that Putin definitely has enough dirt on him to make him march to his tune. I think he’s hiding far more than he’s revealing and I’m sure that what he’s hiding is plenty to be ashamed of.

And no, I don’t want to debate it. So save your pro-Trump comments for some other blog.

And yes, I would like to see him removed from office. Impeachment would be nice. So would a resignation. Heck, I’d probably celebrate if he just dropped dead of a heart attack.

(Not that I think Pence is good for this country, but that’s a whole other story.)

But that doesn’t mean I’m one of the rabid left wing anti-Trump kooks that are making fools of themselves by believing every single Trump conspiracy theory thrown at them.

And I’m outraged by the people cooking up these theories and pushing them. While it’s possible that these people actually believe the nonsense they’re spouting, I think it’s a lot more likely that they’re trying to secure a position for themselves on the far left like Alex Jones’s position on the far right: offensive nut jobs who can turn a buck by building a following of gullible people on the left who are desperate for any hope that Trump will be removed from office in shame.

And I’m fed up with people who tweet and retweet these theories and then get upset with me when I advise them not to believe anything until it’s published by a credible news source. As if I’m somehow “the enemy” because I’m not as gullible and desperate as they are.

Seriously?

I recently changed the tweet pinned to the top of my Twitter profile page in an effort to advise people who are going nuts these days over what they’re seeing and reading and believing. Will it help? Probably not. But it’s my new mantra when it comes to politics: “PAY ATTENTION, everyone. Think before you react. Check before you believe. And, for pete’s sake, CALM DOWN!”

While there are similarities and differences between our current state of political affairs and the Watergate scandal that brought down Nixon, I have full confidence that the legal system will do the right thing when it comes to dealing with Trump.

Eventually.

Until then, I see no reason to blog about politics anymore. I have more interesting — and positive — things to write about.

Want to comment on this post? Comments are open — for now. But there are a few strings attached.

First, read the Comment Policy. You’ll find a very informative comic there about “free speech” that perfectly illustrates my thoughts on the matter. If your comment violates this policy in any way, it will be deleted before it even appears. Even I won’t read it.

Second, if your comment mentions Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama (or emails or Benghazi, etc.) as a reason for supporting Trump now, today, after all the shit that’s come down since the election, I will delete your comment. If you can’t make a 2017 argument for supporting Trump, you obviously haven’t thought much about what’s going on and have nothing worth sharing here. Go back to your Fox News bubble and leave the rest of us who actually care about the future of our country alone.

Third, don’t expect me to debate with you on the merits of Donald Trump. I won’t. No matter how nicely you present your argument, thus getting it past moderation, I will not reply. I’ve said everything I have to say above and you cannot convince me that I’m wrong about any of it.

If you want to respond to someone who has commented, keep that comment policy in mind. And keep it civil. If I don’t spend all of my time moderating this post’s comments, the comments will stay open. But if moderation becomes a chore, I’ll shut it down.

Seriously, I have better things to do with my time than deal with MAGA trolls.