Tag Archives: humor

Demotivation

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“Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.”

My friend Ryan sent me a link to Demotivators on the Despair, Inc. Web site.

Demotivators are like that motivational artwork you see advertised in airline shopping magazines — the kind you find in the seat back pocket in front of you. But they have a dark, super-realistic side.

This sums it all up:

AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That’s why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

They’re not depressing unless you take them seriously. They’re actually hysterically funny. Check them out.

Plug This

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A funny essay from NPR.

On my way home from work today, I heard a funny essay on NPR, read by commentator Andrei Codrescu.

Commentator Andrei Codrescu muses on the appeal by friends to ‘plug’ their new books. He says there was a time when such a plea would have seemed uncivil. Now, the world has changed and publicity wins over decorum.

You can listen to it from this page.

Two Blondes…

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Dare I publish another joke?

I got this joke in a spam marketing e-mail message today. I thought it was funny.

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced “One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry we have three engines left”.

Thirty minutes later, the captain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry we have two engines left”.

An hour later the captain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry we have one engine left”.

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day.”

I guess now I’ll get all kinds of nasty comments from blondes who can’t take jokes.

SOTU Bingo, Anyone?

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Just when you thought you heard it all…

John Dickerson’s Slate.com article, “State of the Union Watch Parties – Isn’t that a contradiction in terms?” talks about some of the festivities that will be going on throughout the country tomorrow night. My personal favorite:

At the Center for Global Development party, participants will play “SOTU bingo” listening for references to “HIV/AIDS,” “trade,” and “Africa” in the speech. Each time Bush says one of those phrases, players mark the box on their card, screaming “Bingo!” if they get a full plate. (They win mugs and T-shirts). Given how little Bush talks about those issues, the cards also have boxes with filler words like “peace,” “freedom,” and “democracy” that are more likely to be mentioned. The CGD party sold out in two hours…

And yes, you can click the cards link to download a PDF file with 11 cards for your own party.

Mindless America?

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I get a funny in e-mail that illustrates what I’ve been saying for some time now.

My friend Tom sent me the following joke via e-mail:

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,

“What’s your IQ?”

The man replies “150” and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, Quantum physics and spirituality, bio-mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, “This is really cool.” He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him,

“What’s your IQ?”

The man responds, “about 100.” Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about NASCAR, super models, favorite fast foods, guns, and women’s breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks,

“What’s your IQ?”

The man replies, “Er, 50, I think.”

And the robot says, real slowly, “So…ya gonna vote for Bush again?”