Tag Archives: humor

The President’s Weekly Radio Address Podcast

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Yes, but which one?

That’s easy. The funny one.

This afternoon, I searched the iTunes Music Store for a podcast I’d listened to a few times but had somehow lost my subscription to. (I’m a bit quick on the delete key some days and often delete subscriptions rather than episodes. Oops.) The podcast is called “The President’s Weekly Radio Address.”

Imagine my surprise when I came up with two matches for the phrase president’s radio address:

I wish there were a way to see which of the two podcasts were more popular — in other words, had more subscribers.

I also found podcasts by Bill Maher and Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller fame. (Okay, so I’m a liberal. But we all knew that.) And video podcasts from Comedy Central.

Why am I filling my iPod again? Got some long drives and flights ahead of me. May as well feed my head while I’m behind the wheel or at the stick.

Miscellaneous Jokes and Puns

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Funnies from a friend.

I got these from my friend and fellow helicopter pilot, Mark. Again, I don’t know who wrote these — I have a feeling they were collected from many sources — but I’d be glad to include a credit or remove them from this site if requested.

  • Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
  • A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra . . .
  • A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
  • Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
  • “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “Well, it’s Not Unusual.”
  • Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
  • An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
  • I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
  • What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  • Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam”!
  • Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
  • A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
  • A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
  • Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . . . a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • And finally, there was the person who sent 18 different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Teacher Arrested at Airport

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Another story forwarded to me via e-mail that’s worth sharing.

If anyone knows the original source of this piece, please let me know so I can provide proper credit or, if necessary, remove it from the site.

Teacher Arrested at Airport

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, “Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!

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I catch up on one of my favorite NPR shows via podcast.

I’m a huge fan of National Public Radio (NPR), but some of my very favorite radio shows are on the air on Saturdays, when I’m not likely to be parked in front of a radio.

Enter NPR Podcasts. NPR started releasing podcasts of many of its shows about a year ago. My favorites are Business Story of the Day, Story of the Day, and Satire from the Unger Report. All are short — usually around 5 minutes — and are good bite-sized hunks of listening material good for listening to in the car.

Not long ago, NPR evidently decided to jump onto the podcasting bandwagon with both feet. The NPR podcast directory is full of downloadable episodes of shows. There are currently 293 shows to choose from and if you can’t find something there that interests you, you’d better go back to watching American Idol reruns.

Recently, I was quite pleased to see that they’d added Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! to their list of podcasts. This show, which is broadcast here on Saturday mornings, is “NPR’s weekly news quiz show.” It takes quotes and stories from the news and turns them into questions, fill in the blank limericks, and other fun tests of the contestant’s knowledge. Some of the stories are downright weird and the panel of celebrities is very funny. Each episode is full of spontaneous wit — the kind of comedy you don’t get on television these days.

Wait Wait is a 45-minute podcast, which is pushing the limits of my time availability. That’s one of the reasons I bought the i-Fusion speakers. I can set up my iPod and speakers in my kitchen or my hangar and listen in while I’m doing something else. I listened to three episodes yesterday while preparing for dinner guests. It put me in a good mood and helped me remember all the news stories from last month.

If you’re a podcast listener, I highly recommend checking out the NPR Podcasts. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.