Tag Archives: birthdays

What Matters Most

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A life lesson in a video.

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a bittersweet day for me — a year ago on my birthday was the day my husband called and told me he wanted a divorce.

What kind of sick bastard asks his wife for a divorce on her birthday? After living with her for 29 years? The kind of bastard I was stupid enough to marry.

Anyway, my bank — yes, my bank — emailed me a birthday message with a link to a video. The message said:

Just a friendly little birthday wish from us to you. We can’t send you a double-tiered chocolate cake (it won’t fit through the mail slot — we tried), but hopefully this little video will help brighten your big day.

Have an awesome b-day filled with fun, happiness and, of course, saving.

Enjoy many more, Saver.

Normally, I’d trash it as spam, thinking it was some kind of marketing ploy. If so, it would be pretty tacky. But INGDirect (now CapitalOne 360) is not your average bank. So I clicked the link.

Here’s the video:

I cried when I watched it, of course. I already understood the message — what happiness is really all about. In fact, I blogged about it earlier this month. What made me cry is that it clearly showed the difference in philosophy between me and my ex-husband.

You see, I understand that happiness is making life what you want it to be so you can look around yourself and be happy about what you see. I do work I like to do in a place I like to do it. I have what I need and not much more. I’m not interested in impressing anyone with showy possessions. I’d rather spend time and money and energy seeing and learning new things to make me a more rounded person than to piss it away on crap. I save for my future and avoid unnecessary debt. This enables me to keep my time flexible and to really enjoy life. That’s what it’s all about.

My ex-husband, however, apparently believes that happiness is about keeping up with the Joneses, working at an unfulfilling job to pay for an empty lifestyle that revolves around eating out with the same four or five people, watching television, and buying showy things like a costly second home, airplane he never flies, and Mercedes to show off to friends. He made his obsession with financial wealth pretty clear to me when he went after my business assets and money in the divorce, refusing to settle unless I gave him my half of our our paid-for house plus $50,000 in cash and paid off his debt in the home equity line of credit. His greed would have left me nothing to reboot my life and keep my business afloat — but he didn’t seem to give a damn about that. He forced me to spend tens of thousands of dollars on legal fees to defend what was rightfully mine. (We’ll see how that worked out for him soon.)

I cried mostly because he wasn’t always that way — at least I didn’t think he was — and I pitied him, as I so often do these days, for wasting his life away. For missing the point.

My friends have been telling me lately how glad they are to see me so happy after such a difficult time. I’m glad, too. I’m happy and will stay happy — because I know what matters most: spending your time doing things you like to do with the people you like to be with.

Maria’s Birthday

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I think I put this here more to remind me than to tell anyone else.

And the first thing I noticed this morning is that my sister had added a comment to this post, wishing me a Happy Birthday.

Actually, I’ve spent most of today on the phone, talking to family and friends. My mother called first, then my sister, then my brother. My mother told me about her Mexico cruise with my stepdad and how their friend was so sick he had to be removed from the ship and hospitalized. My sister told me about the new cat she plans to pick up at the shelter tomorrow. My brother and I chatted about taxes.

Cliff called, too, to wish me a happy birthday and negotiate with me for three book contracts for revisions — now that’s a birthday present. At least I know I’ll be eating and paying the mortgage for the rest of the year.

Mike called, wanting to know if I wanted to drive down to the Phoenix area for dinner out. We’d eat out in Wickenburg, but there’s really no place special enough for a birthday meal. (Our favorite restaurant closes for the summer each year.) I’m still toying with the idea of driving down there.

I tried to work. Really. I swear. I actually reviewed the edits for three chapters of the-book-that-must-not-be-named and sent them back to the editors. I don’t know if the layout people will be working this weekend, but I know I will be. The deadline is Tuesday and I have every intention of being done by then. But I just don’t feel like working on writing new chapters today. And with half the day shot to hell, it’s too late to start.

Before I got to the office, I wasted time at Screamers, where I stopped in for a breakfast burrito and ran into a friend. We wound up wasting an hour in conversation about everything from Wickenburg politics (which are about as bad as small town politics can get) to landing 747s in South Korea. He gave me some good ideas for spreading the word about my Southwest Circle Helicopter Adventure, then offered to buy both of my motorcycles. I looked up the book value of the two bikes and realized that it wasn’t worth selling them, but I’d rather see someone riding them than to let them collect dust in my hangar.

Last year on this date, I was living at Howard Mesa and flew with some friends down to Sedona for lunch. I thought I’d blogged about it, but can’t find an entry, so I guess I didn’t. It was a nice little day trip. I don’t think they knew it was my birthday but they paid for lunch anyway. For some reason, I’m always tickled when someone buys me a meal. It isn’t a money thing. It just makes me feel special. Kind of silly, no?

So I think I’ll wrap up for the day and head down the hill to Surprise or Peoria. Maybe dinner at P.F. Chang’s, one of the few chain restaurants I actually like. I need to pick up a book — no bookstores in Wickenburg, unless you are interested in Christian books — and figure I’d hit Barnes & Noble to get it.

Maybe see if my WordPress book is there…not likely, but possible. Wouldn’t that be a nice little birthday present?