Teacher Arrested at Airport

Another story forwarded to me via e-mail that’s worth sharing.

If anyone knows the original source of this piece, please let me know so I can provide proper credit or, if necessary, remove it from the site.

Teacher Arrested at Airport

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, “Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

The Deity in the Data

What can happen when faith sets out to prove its power through science.

I heard a podcast about this study the other day — a study that attempted to prove that people who were prayed for right before major surgery were more likely to have a more successful outcome to the surgery. The Deity in the Data by William Saletan on Slate.com presents some details and possible conclusions.

Demotivation

“Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.”

My friend Ryan sent me a link to Demotivators on the Despair, Inc. Web site.

Demotivators are like that motivational artwork you see advertised in airline shopping magazines — the kind you find in the seat back pocket in front of you. But they have a dark, super-realistic side.

This sums it all up:

AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That’s why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

They’re not depressing unless you take them seriously. They’re actually hysterically funny. Check them out.

What Not to Crochet

“Because there’s always one more crochet design that shouldn’t be made!”

I stumbled onto this one while working on the WordPress book. It’s a WordPress.com-hosted blog and it’s full of photos and commentaries about really bad crochet patterns.

For those of you who don’t know what crocheting is, it’s like knitting, but with a single, hooked needle. I’m not too proud to admit that I used to crochet, but my skill level never advanced beyond potholders and scarfs. This site makes me glad I quit.

Check it out for yourself at What Not to Crochet.