THIS is What I Mean about Coupon Deals Hurting Small Business

Customers think we’re so desperate for business that they won’t buy without a discount.

Prepare for a rant.

For the past two days, I’ve been fielding phone calls from the concierge at one of Phoenix’s big resorts — you know, the kind where people dump hundreds of dollars a night to be pampered at a secluded desert paradise in the middle of the country’s sixth largest city. A guest coming in November wants to take a helicopter tour. We must have gone back and forth about a half dozen times with pricing and tour questions. Apparently, a visit to Flying M Air’s Web site, which has complete information and pricing, was beyond the capabilities of the concierge in question.

On the second to last call, it was determined that the guest wanted a flight in the vicinity of the Salt River and Apache Trail. It’s a good match for Flying M Air’s Salt River Lakes & Canyons Tour, which is about 60-70 minute long and costs $695 for up to three passengers (not each) from Scottsdale Airport. I provided this information and the concierge said she’d get back to me.

She just called again. The client says that there aren’t three people on the flight. There are just two. And they’re willing to spend $495 for the same tour — as if it’s $200 cheaper for me to fly two passengers instead of three.

In other words, they’re trying to haggle my price down.

I told the concierge that would not be possible. She was very understanding and said she already told him that. But I doubt it. I suspect she was trying to help him haggle. (I also suspect that she’d still expect her 10% referral fee on the flight, thus digging even deeper into my pockets.) She apologized and we hung up.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am not so desperate for business that I’d be willing to operate my aircraft near or below cost just to take a cheapskate and his wife flying.

But what makes these people think they can get away with bullshit like this?

I suspect that the deep discount mentality fostered by operations like Groupon and its clones has something to do with this. It’s the whole “only idiots pay retail” mindset. It’s the idea that companies have inflated their prices so they can offer discounts.

News flash: All of my clients pay retail. That’s the only pricing I have. Take it or leave it.

And my prices are already among the lowest in the area. My Scottsdale-based competitor would charge more than $1,500 for the same flight. Would Mr. Cheapskate be offering that company $495 for their tour? That company wouldn’t even turn a blade for less than $1,000.

My policy is firm: no discounts, no haggling. My services are priced fairly and I will stand by them.

Besides, I have way better things to do with my time than deal with the kind of client who doesn’t understand the value of what he’s getting for his money.

First Dive, Last Dive

I watch two skydivers plunge to their death.

It happened on Sunday, during our flight from Wenatchee, WA, to Phoenix, AZ. It was Day 2 and we were right at the end of our leg from Elko, NV, where we’d spent the night, to Mesquite, NV.

Zack was at the controls. Since Mesquite doesn’t have an AWOS or ASOS, he’d planned to overfly the field and check the windsock before coming in for a landing. I didn’t think there was enough wind to worry about it, but he was the pilot-in-command and I didn’t think there was any reason not to check the wind.

Until the jump plane made a radio call. He was at about 10,000 feet and climbing to release jumpers above the airport.

I called back and asked where the jumpers would land. After a second call, he replied that it was on the west side of the taxiway.

If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s loitering with spinning blades anywhere near where there might be skydivers in the air. I suggested to Zack that we just land on the runway (which turned out to be Runway 19), which would keep us clear of the jumpers. With the runway now in sight, he made his radio call while I scanned the sky.

For the first time ever, I spotted the jump plane high above us. A moment later, three dots appeared. I told Zack I saw them. He looked but couldn’t see them — this didn’t surprise me because they were tiny specks more than two miles above us. They disappeared from view. I kept looking while Zack concentrated on the approach.

We saw two chutes a few moments later. A third appeared high above them.

The two lower jumpers seemed to be heading right for the runway in front of us. One of them was spiraling around and around. I’d seen jumpers do that before so it didn’t alarm me — at first. But when he didn’t stop spiraling or change course a few hundred feet above the runway, I knew something was wrong. His companion peeled off toward the landing zone.

I wasn’t very surprised when the spiraling jumper hit the runway. And didn’t move.

I got right on the radio. “Mesquite Unicom, you have a jumper crashed on the runway.”

Through the corner of my eye, I saw his companion overshoot the landing zone. He appeared to land on the golf course just beyond the airport fence.

I looked up. The third jumper was floating down towards us.

I looked ahead. People were running out to the runway.

Flying at Mesquite, NV

Zack and I looked back toward the crash site as I circled around the south side of the airport. I had my GoPro “cockpit cam” snapping photos every 5 seconds and this is one of the images it captured.

I asked Zack for the controls and he released them to me. I swung hard to the left, away from the runway and taxiway and landing zone. I dipped the nose down, pulled pitch, and got us out of the way fast. (Later, Zack told me I’d probably scared the folks on the golf course on that side of the airport; I honestly didn’t even see them.) Then I circled around to the south and came in from that side of the airport.

The pilot of the jump plane got on the radio. He’d been descending from 13,000 feet and needed to land. “Is there a jumper on the runway?”

“Yes,” I replied. “Don’t land a plane on the runway.”

“I’ll land on the taxiway,” he assured us.

A moment later, we were on the ground in front of the fuel pumps.

I got out of the helicopter and let Zack shut down. There were a lot of people running around and I wanted to make sure no one ran into the tail rotor — not that there was much of a chance of that.

I couldn’t see much of the accident from my position and, frankly, didn’t really want to. All I knew was that no one on the ground was moving. That couldn’t be good.

Over by one of the hangars, there were too many kids. I hoped they hadn’t seen the impact. I hoped it wasn’t their mother or father or other close relative that had gone down.

When the engine shut down, I heard the sirens. Within minutes, there were three police cars and two ambulances there.

We fueled up. Someone who works at the airport helped us. We were all distracted, all wondering about the fate of the jumper.

The facts came to our side of the field slowly, brought by one or two people who had gone over to learn more. They were doing CPR. It had been a tandem jump. The first chute had failed and had been caught up in the emergency chute, causing that to fail as well. The instructor was dead. The woman with him was someone’s grandmother. It had been her first jump.

One of the ambulances left. The police were taking statements.

We were ready to go, but I realized that our unique view of what had happened might be of interest to the police. I asked the airport guy what he thought. He told me to hop into the golf cart and he’d run me over to ask.

It wasn’t until we were nearly there that I saw the body on the pavement. He was lying face up. A woman was kneeling beside him, stroking his face. From my position, he looked as if he were sleeping, wrapped in the colorful fabric of his parachutes.

I turned away. No one wants to come face to face with death on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

I talked to one of the cops. He told me to wait. I called Zack and told him to come over. I warned him that the victim was still there.

More news while we waited. The older woman was likely dead; they’d brought her to the hospital just in case she could be revived. A man who had tried giving her CPR had gotten blood on his mouth. I knew what that meant: serious internal bleeding.

They were waiting for the coroner before they could remove the other body.

A man and woman came by, obviously in shock. The man was supposed to go on that jump but had let the grandmother go in his place.

Eventually, the police came and gave us forms to fill out. They radioed our IDs to base and it was startling to hear a stranger say my name back over the radio. I wrote a concise report — much shorter than this — and handed it over. Zack handed back his. We walked back to the helicopter and started it up.

We talked a bit about it on the way south. I think Zack was more shook up than I was. But then again, it isn’t as if something like this is completely new to me. I think I’ve seen more than my share of violent death.

Postscript: I’ve always wanted to go skydiving. I joke that I’m waiting for my knees to get very bad first. Then I’ll jump before I get them replaced.

Has this changed my mind about skydiving? No. And it hasn’t changed my mind about waiting, either.

Take the Blame for Your Own Mistakes

Stop trying to pin the blame on others when you screw up.

I have to blog this because I’m pretty fired up about it.

This morning, I got an email message from a lawyer looking for an R44 “consultant”, someone who could

…educate us on the practical day to day operations of an R44. As a consultant, we would not reveal your name or association to anyone. We simply need someone to call when we have a question.

The email message provided enough information that I was able to track down the accident report for the accident the lawyer is working on. Although he didn’t say so, he made it pretty obvious that both Robinson Helicopter Company and the maker of the R44 Raven II’s “auxiliary” fuel pump could be targets of a legal action.

I read the accident report. Without going into details — in this instance, I want to protect the identifies of the parties involved — it was a pretty clear case of pilot errors in judgement and execution. As I summed it up in my email response:

The pilot elects to make an off-airport landing at very high density altitude to take a leak, starts to take off, then overreacts to a yellow caution light and tries to perform a run-on landing in rough terrain.

The helicopter rolled over and caught fire. The pilot and passenger were badly burned.

The details of the Full Narrative Probable Cause accident report paint a picture of a low-time private pilot who flies less than 100 hours a year making a very long cross-country flight in mountainous terrain. There’s evidence of poor flight planning and poor fuel management. But most evidence points to poor judgement on the part of the pilot. Nothing was wrong with the helicopter. It performed as expected in the situation it was put into. The pilot simply made a series of bad judgement calls.

How many times have I seen this in accident reports? Too many to count! The vast majority of aviation accidents are caused by pilot error. Period. This case is no different.

Yet there’s a lawyer involved and that means someone’s thinking about a lawsuit.

Sure, why not? Why not blame Robinson for not issuing [yet] another Safety Notice, specifically warning pilots about landing in mountain meadows at more than 10,000 feet density altitude? Why not blame them for allowing cockpit caution lights to illuminate when the pilot is operating close to rough terrain at maximum power? Why not blame them for not forcing pilots to tattoo emergency procedures on the back of their right hand so they can easily consult them during flight? And the pump manufacturer — why not blame them for making pumps that can have low pressure indications that trigger a caution light?

Why in the world would the pilot in command even consider taking the blame for the results of his own poor judgement?

Because it’s the right thing to do? Am I the only person who actually cares about silly things like that?

As I told the lawyer in my email response,

It sickens me that people can’t admit they made a mistake and get on with their lives. It sickens me that lawyers go after deep-pocket manufacturers to squeeze them for money when they are not at fault. Lawsuits like this are hurting our country, destroying small businesses like mine by jacking up expenses for insurance and equipment “improvements” we don’t really need.

Yes, it’s unfortunate that the helicopter crashed and the people inside it were burned. But it isn’t Robinson’s fault. And it isn’t the pump maker’s fault. The pilot needs to understand this and stop thinking about promises of big settlements. He needs to stop trying to blame others for his mistakes.

Do you think they’ll contact me again about being a consultant? Now that would be a bad judgement call indeed.

Note: If you plan to comment on this post, please limit your comments to the topic of inappropriate legal action. I will not approve any comments that attempt to discuss this particular accident or my summary of it. I assure you that my conclusions are fact-based; you can probably find the accident report if you try hard enough and judge for yourself. The last thing I need is for lawyers to start coming after me.

Best of [Fill-in-the-Blank] Award

This scam targets small business owners in a particularly cruel way.

Stuff like this really pisses me off.

Today, among my usual crop of penis enhancement, prescription drug, and wristwatch spam, I got this gem from “Board of Review” with the subject “Flying M Air Receives 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award”:

Fake AwardI am pleased to announce that Flying M Air has been selected for the 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award in the Helicopter Charter & Tours category by the US Commerce Association (USCA).

I’m sure that your selection as a 2011 Award Winner is a reflection of the hard work of not only yourself, but of many people that have supported your business and contributed to the subsequent success of your organization. Congratulations on your selection to such an elite group of small businesses.

In recognition of your achievement, a special 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award has been designed for display at your place of business. You may arrange to have your award sent directly to Flying M Air by following the simple steps on the 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award order form. Simply copy and paste this link into your browser to access the order form: http://www.uscanotify.com/AC86-MHP4-XXX

The USCA “Best of Local Business” Award Program recognizes outstanding local businesses throughout the country. Each year, the USCA identifies companies that we believe have achieved exceptional marketing success in their local community and business category. These are local companies that enhance the positive image of small business through service to their customers and community.

Also, a copy of the press release publicizing the selection of Flying M Air is posted on the USCA website. USCA hereby grants Flying M Air a non-exclusive, royalty-free license to use, reproduce, distribute, and display this press release in any media formats and through any media channels.

In order to provide you with the best possible service, you have been assigned an award code that can be used on our website for quick access to your award information and press release. If you have any questions or comments, please include this code with your correspondence.

Your Award Code is: C86-MHP4-XXX

To place your order over the phone – please call us at: 646-355-XXXX and select option 1.

Sincerely,

Kelly McCartney
Board of Review
US Commerce Association

The intended recipient of this notification is the Marketing Director for Flying M Air. If you have received this email in error please forward it to the intended recipient. If you do not wish to receive further advertisements from USCA, please mail a written request to: US Commerce Association, 5042 Wilshire Blvd #13854, Los Angeles, CA 90036 or simply click to opt-out.

Dig the groovy award image. Obviously, someone at the Board of Review knows how to use Photoshop.

This is a scam. No matter how legitimate the Web site for the “US Commerce Association” looks, the site exists solely to sell this idiotic award to businesses so desperate for recognition that they’ll believe and buy anything.

How do I know this? Well, explain to me how my company can be “best” of anything in a town where it doesn’t even operate anymore? A town where it was the only helicopter operator ever based there?

Indeed, the only traces of my business in Wickenburg are the sign on my hangar, my FAA-required files, and my mailing address. Even my helicopter is there less than half the year. I haven’t done a tour out of Wickenburg in over a year. My business is licensed in Phoenix.

I especially like the line “I’m sure that your selection as a 2011 Award Winner is a reflection of the hard work of not only yourself, but of many people that have supported your business and contributed to the subsequent success of your organization.” Local support for my business? In Wickenburg? I cannot tell you how many times I was screwed over by the local Chamber of Commerce and people at Town Hall every time I tried to do something to grow my business or help the community. From participation at the annual Fly-In event to the construction of an office on the airport premises, the town has fought me tooth and nail, showing me just how much they didn’t want me or my business in town. Even when I got the contract for the airport FBO back in 2002, they tried to tell me how to run my business — even going so far as to tell me what I could and couldn’t blog about. Can you say censorship? And when I did a golf ball drop without pay to help raise money for football uniforms, the person who hired me had the nerve to ridicule me behind my back at a Rotary meeting because it took us two tries to get the balls near the cup.

I got the hint. I only wish I’d gotten it sooner; I’m doing much better now that I’ve left Wickenburg’s bullshit behind.

And that line only proves how unreal this whole award is. It’s not based on anything. It’s fiction, written for gullible people who want to believe it’s true.

Yet across the country, thousands of other small business owners have probably received virtually identical email messages this morning. Many of them are struggling for survival in a tough economy. Some of them will seize upon this award as a chance to differentiate themselves from their competition. Many of them won’t even question the likelihood of this being real —they’ll take it on face value, buy the award (or maybe several of them to place in strategic places around the office), and feel like they’ve actually achieved something. Meanwhile, nothing will change except their bank account balances; they’ll continue to struggle, just like before. And the money that they spent on that award could probably have been used for better purposes, like paying suppliers and employees.

So yes, this morning’s scam pissed me off. It reminded me not only of my bad decision to move to and set up shop in Wickenburg, but the desperation of small business owners in general, and the slimy bastards that prey upon them.

You want an award like this? Go to a trophy shop and have one made. It’ll be just as legitimate as this one — and a hell of a lot cheaper.

News Flash: I am NOT a Helicopter Cost Consultant

File this in the Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot file.

Yesterday, I got the following email message from someone I don’t know:

as of this date if i were to buy a used R22 with approx a 1000 hrs on it how much would the total operating costs be per hour if i were to fly 100 hours a year including reserve money for future overhaul

Yes, I did write a blog post in December 2010 titled, “The Real Cost of Helicopter Ownership,” where I detailed the actual operating costs of my R44. But does this guy honestly think I’ll make the same calculations for any helicopter for anyone who asks?

Regardless of what he thinks, the answer is no.