The Robe

Some inoffensive Jesus humor.

Well, at least I don’t think it’s offensive.

Got this from my friend, Tom. Please read it in the spirit in which it was intended, as lighthearted humor.

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.

After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!

He asked how much He owed. Finkelstein brushed him off: “No, no, no, for the Son of God? There’s no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?”

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.

A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through  Jerusalem, He happened to walk past Finkelstein’s shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes. 

He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: “Jesus, Jesus, look what you’ve done for my business! Would you consider a partnership?”

“Certainly,” replied Jesus. “Jesus & Finkelstein it is.”

“Oh, no, no,” said Finkelstein. “Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman.” The two of them debated this for some time.

Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise. A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s shop:

Lord & Taylor

Some Helicopter Firefighting Photos

I really do hate my little camera.

The trouble is focus. There’s no viewfinder, so I can’t clearly see if the photo is properly focused before I snap it. Unless the item I’m photographing is right in front of me, at least 50% of the time, the image will be out of focus. It’s extremely frustrating to have an out-of-focus 10 megapixel image taken with a Nikkor lens.

But that’s just me whining. Again.

Here are a few good shots I took while watching helicopter firefighters battle a blaze in East Wenatchee, WA on Friday, July 11, 2008. I was across the river and was able to watch one to three helicopters dip and drop for over an hour. (I tweeted a play-by-play of what I saw.)

Huey DippingI’m not sure if this is a Bell 212 or a Huey. I never could get my helicopter models straight. In this first shot, it’s coming down to the river to dip its bucket in the Columbia River. You can see the burned hills and smoke behind him.

Huey DroppingIn this shot, the same helicopter is dropping on flames. (That would have been a great shot if the damn camera would have focused properly! Ugh!) The precision of these guys was incredible. They hit the flames 9 times out of 10 and the fire would turn to a huge cloud of steam. Note the power lines. They were all over the area. Not only did the pilots have to avoid the lines with the aircraft, but also with the bucket and line beneath them.

K-MaxHere’s a shot of a beautiful red K-Max heavy lift helicopter dipping in the Columbia River. The pilot completely submerges the bucket, then pulls up slowly so as not to overtorque the engine as it lifts. I don’t know the size of these buckets, but I know they make them 600 gallons and more. At 8 pounds per gallon, that’s a heavy weight. The K-Max is an unusual helicopter with two sets of main rotor blades mounted overhead at an angle to each other. The blades spin in opposite directions, making a tail rotor unnecessary, and intermesh with each other. The aircraft sounds very cool when it flies by.

Here’s a movie I recorded with the same miserable camera. It shows the K-Max helicopter dumping a load of water. Wish I’d had better equipment with me.

Health Bulletin of the Day

The Truth About Heart Attacks

The timing on this couldn’t be any better, given that I just exercised my First Amendment Free Speech right with a post about the Star-Spangled Banner in Spanish….

Got this from my friend, Ray:

HEALTH BULLETIN OF THE DAY

The Truth About Heart Attacks..

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The Government Is Trying To Correct This Problem

Gracias. Comenzaré hablando español de ahora en adelante.

Vielen Dank. Ich werde anfangen, Deutsch ab jetzt zu sprechen.

Спасибо. Я начну говорение по-русски с этого времени.

Ringraziarla. Comincerò parlando l’italiano d’ora innanzi.

Takk deg. Jeg vil starte til å tale Nordmann fra nå på.

Le français. Jamais ! !!!!

The Star-Spangled Banner, In Spanish?

What’s the big deal?

The other day, I got one of those forwarded e-mails that we all get from people who think they’re preaching to the choir. You know the kind. The e-mail expresses a very specific opinion, normally in angry terms, and the person who forwards it to you thinks you’ll agree and keep forwarding it to other people who will agree.

This particular message, like some others I occasionally get, hit a solid brick wall in my in-box. Not only did I disagree, but I feel that the people who do agree are looking at the issue with a typical small-minded, conservative attitude.

The issue was the proposed singing of the National Anthem in Spanish.

The Message

Here’s the entire, unedited text of the message, which was accompanied by idiotic cartoons I won’t bother to reproduce here:

No apology for sending this ! ! ! After hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish – enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), Ger man or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written The news broadcasts even gave the translation — not even close. NOT sorry if this offends anyone because this is MY COUNTRY – IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP — please pass this along .

I am not against immigration — just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head ; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past — and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

PART OF THE PROBLEM

Think about this: If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone — YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

It is Time for America to Speak up

If you agree — pass this along, if you don’t agree — delete it!

Well, I don’t agree but I didn’t delete it. Instead, I’ll speak up, as the message urges.

Let’s set aside that the language the message was written in wasn’t even in good English. It’s fraught with punctuation errors that make it sound, when read, like the angry rant it is.

But let’s look at this person’s gripe. Spanish-speaking people would like to sing our National Anthem in their language. What’s so bad about that? I think we should be flattered. It’s the ultimate show of respect. By translating The Star-Spangled Banner into Spanish, they’re putting it into a language they can clearly understand. They’ll get the message of the words of the song.

Or does the message just not matter?

Some Truth about Our National Anthem

What’s the song about, anyway? Do these English-only ranters even know? Here’s some history from Wikipedia:

“The Star-Spangled Banner” is the national anthem of the United States of America. The lyrics come from a poem written in 1814 by Francis Scott Key, a then 35-year-old amateur poet who wrote “Defence of Fort McHenry”[1] after seeing the bombardment of Fort McHenry at Baltimore, Maryland, by Royal Navy ships in Chesapeake Bay during the War of 1812.

The poem was set to the tune of a popular British drinking song, written by John Stafford Smith for the Anacreontic Society, a London social club. “The Anacreontic Song” (or “To Anacreon in Heaven”), set to various lyrics, was already popular in the United States. Set to Key’s poem and renamed “The Star-Spangled Banner”, it would soon become a well-known American patriotic song. With a range of one and a half octaves, it is known for being difficult to sing. Although the song has four stanzas, only the first is commonly sung today, with the fourth (“O thus be it ever when free men shall stand …”) added on more formal occasions.

This brings up three interesting points that the ranter probably didn’t know or even think about:

  • The poem by Francis Scott Key was set to the tune of a British drinking song. Key did not write the song. He wrote a poem later set to music.
  • The text written by Key is not usually sung as written. Indeed, only part of the poem is commonly sung. I challenge the writer of the message to sing or recite the missing stanzas or even tell me how many there are. Or sing the stanza added by Oliver Wendell Holmes during the Civil War. (Yes, it’s in Wikipedia.)
  • The poem is not about America. It’s about our flag. A specific flag, in fact, which hangs behind protective shield in the Smithsonian and can be viewed periodically throughout the day. (I’ve seen this huge, tattered flag in person and it puts real meaning to Key’s words.) It’s also about war.

Later, the Wikipedia entry directly contradicts what this small-minded ranter states in his message:

As a result of immigration to the United States, the lyrics of the song were translated into other languages. In 1861, it was translated into German.[12] It has since been translated into Hebrew [13], Yiddish by Jewish immigrants,[14] French by Acadians of Louisiana,[15] Samoan[16] and Irish.[17] The third verse of the anthem has also been translated into Latin.[18]

So there.

The Spanish translations are also discussed, along with the somewhat revealing statement, “It drew a critical response from President George W. Bush, who said that the national anthem should be sung in English.[21]” This clearly reveals the ranter as just another Bushie, echoing the president’s sentiments because he either can’t think for himself or because Rush Limbaugh told him to.

The Wikipedia entry, as usual, makes fascinating reading, with lots of history and links, as well as the complete lyrics to the song. Anyone interested in learning more about our National Anthem should check it out. People who want to rant about it might consider reading it before ranting publicly, so they get most of the facts straight and don’t sound like ignoramuses.

English as a Second Language

But I think what really pisses me off about this whole thing is the continued feeling among a certain group of Americans that immigrants must learn to speak English.

Let’s look at this objectively: every non-Native American in this country — the vast majority of the people here — is an immigrant or can be traced back to immigrant ancestors.

I don’t have to look back very far to find my transplanted roots in this country: my maternal great grandparents immigrated from Italy to New York around the turn of the century and my paternal grandparents immigrated from Germany to New Jersey in the 1930s.

I don’t know much about my great grandparents, but I do know that my grandmother’s mother never learned to speak English. She was a homemaker who lived in an Italian neighborhood, surrounded by people who spoke Italian. Her nine American-born children, including my grandmother, were bilingual. She was deeply religious, a Catholic who likely attended mass conducted in Latin.

My paternal grandparents learned to speak English right away. My grandfather, trained as a pastry chef in Europe, worked in a bakery until he was able to open his own. My grandmother worked up front, dealing with the customers. They had to learn English to succeed in their business. Their two sons were bilingual, although I don’t think my father, the younger of the two, speaks German very well.

There are two points I want to emphasize here:

  • We are the immigrants. Did we come here and learn to speak Navajo or Sioux or Cherokee? No. Instead, we forced the indians to send their children to our schools in an attempt to eradicate their culture. We forced them to speak English and, as a result, many of the native American languages have been lost forever. As a white American, I’m not proud of that.
  • People who come to this country will learn to speak English when they need to. An immigrant living in an immigrant neighborhood or town may not need to learn much English at all. But if he wants to work with English-speaking people and get ahead in this country, he’ll learn to speak the language of the people he deals with. That’s why the English-speaking day laborers are more likely to get work or better pay than the non-English-speaking ones. It’s also why English-speaking employers who hire immigrant laborers learn to speak their language: so they can hire and communicate with the cheapest ones. The language barrier is an economic barrier that works both ways.

And let’s cut to the chase here: how many Americans who move to Mexico or Costa Rica or other places where their dollars enable them to live like kings speak Spanish fluently?

Besides, many “Americans” don’t speak English very well anyway.

Your Turn to Rant

I’m certain that this post will get the hairs up on the backs of certain regular readers here. It’s not my intention to annoy anyone. I just want people to think about it objectively.

What’s the big deal?

Use the comment link or form to state your case. Just remember to keep it civil. If you get abusive toward me or any other commenter, your comment won’t appear here.

Another Reason I Hate Windows

How many updates can a person stand?

I’m off the Internet grid these days. Indeed, every single time I post to my blog, I’m doing so by connecting my MacBook Pro to the Internet through my Treo 700p’s Dial-Up Networking (DUN) feature.

This is not a fast connection. In fact, it can take over an hour to download a 30 MB file. When I need to do a real update, I have to find an Internet cafe with a fast connection. Or sit in my truck in front of a neighborhood home and use its connection.

So imagine my annoyance when Windows Vista on my Dell laptop popped up with this message today:

Windows Updates

Are they kidding?

I just updated three days ago when I was fortunate enough to pick up the neighborhood connection in my trailer. Yet Microsoft has 67.1 MB more of “important” updates for me. That doesn’t count the 43 “optional” updates or the 2 “extras.”

No wonder the Internet connection at the local library is so slow. The five or six Windows PCs at the workstations there are probably spending all day every day downloading updates.